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Rebecca
Master August 2019

From family of 2 to family of ... ?

Rebecca, on May 12, 2020 at 1:17 AM Posted in Married Life 0 20

Hi all!

I'm at the stage of life where pregnancy announcements tend to happen *all the time*. We were some of the last of our group to get married, so we've already got a bunch of "niblings" and 2 more on the way.

We, too, are trying. I'm in my mid-30s, so we're hoping it happens fast. One of our friends who just announced actually sent us ovulation kits and pregnancy tests that they had leftover, to pass on the luck, if you will. (Given that those things aren't cheap, I'm very grateful and touched.)

It's been since our honeymoon, in January, but no luck, yet. Honestly, we kind of thought at the beginning of lockdown that maybe...? And then, no. It's hard to tell if it was the stress of the crisis, though, because I've found my period to be so much worse since we've been stuck at home. (Like, DH has to make up hot water bottles and I've been making those "ow this really hurts" noises kind of pain bad.) That said, I've heard it often takes 6 months to a year to actually conceive.

Right now, we're aiming for one kid, maybe a second if things go well.

Anyone else looking to expand their family? How many kids? How soon? Tips, advice for those of us hoping?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Caitlyn, on June 10, 2020 at 3:27 PM
  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
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    Ohhh I'm sorry. No fun at all. I have heard the same thing as well. 6mo to a year. Have you tired Ovulation Apps?

    Funny, I just talking about this with my best friend today. We want two maybe three. But im 32, we aren't married yet, COVID pushed our reception back, might be pregnant at reception and he's 44. SOOOOOO we don't have much time either lol

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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Good luck! I've heard so many things from so many people. I have friends who got pregnant literally without even trying and I know others who have had to go through IVF to get pregnant. I don't think there's any way of knowing which camp you fall into until you start trying.

    My husband and I ideally want to have 2 kids (we both have siblings and want that experience for our kids). We both turn 30 this year. I just finished my 2nd year of a 5-year doctoral program though, so we ideally want to try after I'm at least done with the coursework/dissertation part of it (5th year is just 1 full-year internship). I can't imagine trying to care for an infant while meeting all my school obligations right now, even with us doing it together. It makes me nervous though because the earliest we would start trying puts me at 32-33 while also trying to get my career off the ground. Part of me is driven to get my education and launch my career (as I sit here procrastinating on my last paper for the semester) and the other part of me just wants a house and babies lol.


    I sincerely wish the two of you the best of luck in this process, as well as any other couple trying to conceive right now!

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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I use the Clue app, right now, just to track my cycle.
    Now that we've got the kits, I have to figure out how to use them!
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  • Renee
    Super June 2020
    Renee ·
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    Hahaha! I have heard those things are tricky! When you figure it out and I need help, I'll be looking for you to give me the rundown. Good luck to you and I wish you all of the best!

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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Oh, goodness, I couldn't imagine trying to do school as well!

    I (usually) volunteer at a daycare, and nanny for one of my "niblings" - so I spend a lot of time around kids, and would be perfectly happy rearranging my life for a year or two to be the auntie/nanny/mom to the littlest ones of my friend group. (Obviously, I would get paid. And it probably *would* hurt my main career - acting - but I thrive around babies, so I would rather do it.)

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Agh, I’m sorry. I feel you girl. We’ve been trying since September and no luck so far 😓 private message me if you want to talk... it’s a very disappointing and lonely journey ❤️
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Some days I'm ok with it... and some days our friends announce and I just want to do that, too!


    It doesn't help that I can't go hold the newest little one, who was born in March.
    Good luck, there's so much ridiculous pressure, it can be so stressful!
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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    It took us 6 months of taking my temperature daily, doing ovulation strips, and having perfect timing. It can be really tough and there were a lot of tears but I learned a lot about my body in the process! I’m actually 5 months pregnant and we never made any sort of public announcement because I know how hard those can be to see when trying.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Yeah, I currently get my child fill with my 5 year old niece who I absolutely adore. Unfortunately, between classes, teaching, research, and clinical placements (which are currently suspended due to COVID), I know that I will have no time for babies of my own in the near future. Plus, we live in a 1 bedroom apartment so that'll get pretty crowded real quick lol and rents are so crazy in NJ, as you know. I figure once I get a steady job as a practicing psychologist and have maternity leave and a much better salary, with the potential help from our moms (they're itching to be grandmas, even my mom who already is lol), we should be able to make it work.
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    I think the worst part for me is the not knowing what is going to happen and when. My husband and I are both in our low 20s and I have super regular cycles so like... why is it taking so damn long? I feel like it should be easier, and the fact that it isn’t just makes me anxious that something must be wrong, and every month that goes by that fear gets worse and worse. I’d actually be ok with waiting as long as I could know WHEN it’s going to happen, you know? It’s just such a big thing to have as a constant question mark.


    I just keep trying to remind myself that someday no matter what I’ll be a mom, and the moment I hold my baby the first time I’ll be like “oh, THIS is why I waited so long” and know it was worth it. That’s what I take comfort in the most!

    Good luck to you too. I hope it happens for you soon.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    We live in 500 sq. ft. .... and we'll just make it work. We have friends in similar situations, with babies, and you just... hey, if stuff has to go into storage, it has to go into storage, right?

    Our parents don't *officially* know we're trying, but my dad has all but guessed. Given my age, the part where I *adore* babies, and we're currently cooped up inside? I don't think anybody would be *surprised* if we got pregnant. Worried, maybe, but not surprised.

    DH wants to keep an eye on the real estate market after all this is over. You never know if it's going to change or not, and we can always rent this place out. (Our location is killer.)

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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Oh, not knowing is *so* hard. I'm a Ravenclaw, I like to *know* things.

    I'd love to adopt or foster, but we'd have to wait much longer for that, because we couldn't possibly qualify or afford it.

    At least we can have fun trying?

    Being around babies made me kind of frantic about it, now I just would like to get pregnant and simply miss the babies I'm used to taking care of... or just playing with at work.

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    We plan on trying to become pregnant this fall, which will be around our 1 year wedding anniversary. For us, it requires much planning being that we are a same sex couple. I have terrible menstrual cycles, so I had my OBGYN perform some test to make sure I was even able to conceive before we even go through the long, and expensive, process of me trying to conceive (via IUI). Luckily, everything looked good.

    Have you spoken to your doctor yet about possibly running tests/doing ultrasounds like that? Just to give you piece of mind?

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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I hear you. I stopped birth control last month but I haven’t ovulated yet. I’m already sick of testing. Plus my sister in law is pregnant and my mother in law and stepmother keep asking me if I am yet too.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    Oh, my friends just went through that last year. I'm going to be an auntie to a baby girl in the fall, so *good luck vibes*!!!


    I have not - I'm in North Jersey, right across from NYC. We got hit hard, here, so I haven't reached out to my doctor, yet. She didn't seem concerned about my age, when I saw her in November. I'm trying to use that as stress relief.
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  • Tammy
    Super October 2018
    Tammy ·
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    I have heard when trying can cause stress that can actually hurt. I had a friend trying for the longest time and doctors kept saying it wouldn't happen so they finally just came to the conclusion she wouldn't get pregnant. BAM pregnant within 2 months.

    I have endometriosis and had to have surgery so I got pregnant pretty quickly and I feel bad for people who are trying but I also had a very small window like if I wasn't pregnant within 10 months I would have to have surgery again. We had a honeymoon baby but I had to have surgery for that to happen and our honeymoon happen to just be that perfect time of the month (unbeknownst to us)

    Best advice I have heard from people trying for a long time is to relax and try not to focus too hard on it.

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  • M
    Dedicated June 2017
    Monica ·
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    Stress can do really crazy things to your cycles. I used to teach people a method of family planning called the Creighton Model fertility care (CrMS), and if I was still teaching I would be warning my clients to watch out for cycle changes due to stress. Although some of my clients were using the method as a form of NFP (Natural Family Planning) many others were using it to help with infertility issues. There is a branch of medicine called NaPro technology that helps women identify underlying issues for infertility and uses CrMS charts to help. Typically, couples will not be considered infertile unless they had been trying for six months using some kind of fertility focused charting system, and 12 months without it.


    If you find yourself concerned that it is infertility, that might be a good option to look into. We are in the same boat, we just started trying recently and I’m in my mid-30s. We’ve been married for a few years now, but we’re unable to start earlier due to financial issues. I’m going into this journey knowing that I have underlying issues that I have discovered through my years of charting, so I’ve already got some medications and plans in place to try and help us conceive. It can be really nerve-racking, so I totally feel your pain. That being said, it wouldn’t surprise me if stress was causing changes with your cycle that go away when the stress is relieved. I am watching my cycle do some wonky things, and compared to some of the stress I’ve undergone in the past, today’s stress is actually pretty mild. Stress is hard on your body, and can manifest itself in your cycles even if you don’t actively feel stressed.
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  • Merline
    Super February 2020
    Merline ·
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    I just wanted to come here and send good vibes your way! We have been married maybe 10 weeks, but we wanted to wait a bit. Luckily I have some littles who are 3 and 1 that I can play with to get my baby fever down! My parents (although they have 6) are ready for another grand to watch run around. DH parents (who are not grands yet) are anxiously waiting. I mean my MIL literally sent me a mother day text on Sunday and she said you know may this time next year?!? I told DH about it and he did not know about it and said that she was just excited. We do not plan on trying until we get a house and we are working on that and hope to be in one by March/April. So that's like another 10/11 months before we even start trying. I really do not like the pressure that is coming from his family. It also does not help that DH's cousin is now pregnant (she's about two months) and she's been trying since she got married in August 2019. So it took her about 7 months before getting pregnant. We do want about two kids some day and twins run in my family and we joke about one and done lol. I'm 29 and DH is 31, so we are still young.

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  • Anna
    Super April 2020
    Anna ·
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    My DH and I are planning on trying next year, even though everyone tells me i should try now lol. I am doing NFP. I brought a device called ovusense. You should look it up. I love it. It tells me my temp every morning. I can take it whatever time i want, unlike a mouth bbt thermometer you have to take at the exact same time. Its a device you insert every night. It takes your bbt temp every night. When you wake up you upload your temp onto an app. The app will tell you what days to start trying or to avoid, if you are not trying. I even know when my period is going to come cause my bbt drops dramatically. I also ordered a book on amazon called "Taking charge of your fertility." It literally answers every question you can have on why your period are acting up, the color, or even why your bbt isn't normal. Things that maybe hurting your chances of conceiving. I just love it. I did try the ovulation sticks, but with those, you have to test multiple times a day. I don't have time for that. Plus, i never got a reading and only freaked me out. There's other devices but i love how ovusense has worked for me.

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  • C
    Devoted September 2019
    Caitlyn ·
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    We don't have children yet - nor are we trying at this time - but some pregnant friends of mine recommended the following books to me: It Starts With the Egg; Taking Charge of Your Fertility; and The Motherly Guide to Becoming Mama.

    It Starts With the Egg focuses on improving egg (and sperm) quality. Taking Charge focuses on how to track your cycle and maximize your chance of getting pregnant. Motherly breaks everything down from TTC all the way through the "fourth" trimester.

    Hope they are helpful resources. Best of luck.

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