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Just Said Yes June 2018

Frustrated Bride with Drama filled Bridesmaids. Canceled Bachelorette Party.

Karissa, on April 17, 2018 at 12:24 AM Posted in Parties and Events 0 12
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Im a young bride (20 and 21) marrying my high school
sweetheart. I wouldnt have it any other way. However im running into complications with my four bridesmaids. Specifically 2 of them.

My whole bridal party is completly spread out. 2 of my bridemaids live out of state (both college girls). They really havent been involved with much of the wedding process and I didnt expect them to be because of the distance. However My maid of honor and my one bridesmaid (also college girls) live close to me and are bickering about everything.

Its hard for me as a young bride to ask my college age bridesmaids to pay for certain events such as my bridal shower and bachelorette party. If it was my choice i wouldnt have a bridal shower or a bschelortte party because i just dont like the attention on me. My MOH and Bridesmaid have argued over every little thing. Just recently my one bridesmaid has bailed on attending the bridal shower. This only made my MOH even more frustrated and it led to an argument between my MOH and bridesmaid. My bachelorette party that my MOH has planned only consists of us 3 because other members of the bridal party live too far away. My MOH and bridesmaid argued for months over what to do for the bachelortte party. I (the bride) thought the idea of a spa day with my two best friends sounded like tons of fun. My MOH was willing to do whatever I liked and was hoping to split the my cost of with my bridesmaid. The whole day is quickly turning into a diaster because now my MOH and bridemaid have so much tension with each other. My Bridesmaid refused to help my MOH with the cost of my spa treatment. I didnt want to spend my entire bachelorette party baby sitting my two best friends and trying to keep them happy. Ultimately I just told my MOH to cancel the entire bachelorette party because im fed up with my two best friends not getting along and not agreeing on anything. Im also suffering from bridal guilt because I feel awful that my MOH is working extra hours at work to pay for things such as the bridal shower that she is throwing all by herself.

Did I make a mistake by telling my MOH to cancel my bachelorette party? I just didnt want to be stuck trying to keep peace with my two bestfriends on what was supposed to be my special day with both of them. Instead im a frustrated bride and I feel like my wedding events are going to be filled with drama from both of them.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Mim, on April 17, 2018 at 10:12 AM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I'm sorry, it really stinks that you're put in the middle of this. It's hard as a bride to feel like you're inconveniencing your closest friends. I don't blame you for canceling the bachelorette. It seems like it was more trouble than it was worth and was honestly just stressing you out more than anything. If it's in your budget, maybe just let your BMs know that you are planning a spa day for yourself and they are more than welcome to join if they'd like. That way you are responsible only for yourself and they can choose whether or not they want to attend. Bachelorette or not, it sounds like you deserve a day of pampering.

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  • P
    Super January 2019
    PalmTrees ·
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    I noticed you said “zig it was my choice I wouldn’t have a bridal shower or bachelorette party.” Honey it IS your choice!!! You don’t have to have either. You can thank them for offering but decline. I’ve seen other brides talk about doing that on here.
    • Reply
  • P
    Super January 2019
    PalmTrees ·
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    *IF not zig ...ugh autocorrect!
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  • E
    Devoted May 2019
    Elizabeth ·
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    If you don't want a shower or party, don't have one
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  • Jeleebeenz
    VIP September 2015
    Jeleebeenz ·
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    You have had the choice all along, no one can take that away from you. It sounds like there were expectations that these would occur and the local girls would have to pay for it.

    I think you are best to cancel, things have gotten pretty ugly.

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  • Jennifer
    Master September 2018
    Jennifer ·
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    I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would chalk this up to super immaturity and cancel both things as well. Obviously, your MOH and BM can't get it together. It stinks, but if it were me, I would tell them all I would like from them is to be by my side on my wedding day.

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  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
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    Who ever offers to host should host, they can't turn around and start asking for money, so I can see why the BM is put off. It looks like she also has decided to host the shower, which can often be very costly, this is also on her as you kept declining. If you don't want a shower then let her know that you won't be attending, no need to feel guilty!
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  • PBiazinha
    VIP May 2018
    PBiazinha ·
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    I got my bach cancelled because of other reasons and I have no regrets. I end up doing something with my MOH only (but I dont have other bridal party) - the choice of having pre-wedding events is completely yours. I just cannot bear with any additional - unnecessary stress at this point and I don't think anyone should.

    I am 17 days away from my wedding and I can tell you, the less stress you have as you get closer the better, because your emotions will be all over the place and there's nothing better than avoiding drama.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes June 2018
    Karissa ·
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    I’m 45 days away from my wedding day. My bridal shower is set to be next week. I get the impression that she will feel like a terrible MOH is she doesn’t do the traditional things like throw a bridal shower or plan a bachelorette party. She felt bad in the beginning because she reads about how lots of girls get together and go on trips to Vegas or go to the beach. With all of us being college girls it was just not financially an option. After the whole blow up with me getting upset and canceling the entire thing I had my mom, moms best friend, aunts, cousins, even our best man offer to do something for me. I think it’s really sweet I really do. They all says “you only get married to your guy once.” But I don’t like the feeling of my friends and family feeling obligated to pamper me. It just makes me feel weird....
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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    First of all it's not the responsibility of your bridesmaids to host, plan, or pay for any party in your honor. It may be customary but it's not a requirement. I sure hope you didn't pick them so that they would plan something for you, but rather picked them solely because they are your nearest and dearest friends, the people who you want to celebrate life's good things and the one's you want at your side in the struggles.

    With that said anyone can offer to host a party for you, other friends, moms, aunts, your mother's friends, etc. It is also your prerogative to turn down any or all offers that are made
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  • K
    Just Said Yes June 2018
    Karissa ·
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    Of course I never forced them to do this for me! I can’t even tell you how many times I told them that it wasn’t necessary to do anything. They both insisted on doing something. I tried to turn them down! I told them I didn’t want them to spend their money on my when they both need it for other things in their life. They still insisted that something was going to be done. Just recently it’s turned into a mess because the MOH and bridesmaid have created tension that’s just getting worse the closer the day comes.
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  • M
    0000
    Mim ·
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    Just tell them no. Tell them that you don't want them to throw you a party and that you won't attend, if need be. That should stop their feeling that they need to do this
    • Reply

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