Frustrated

View Quoted Comment First of all, I am supporting him on this. It would be a lot easier for me to just tell him no, which I would never do, which I’ve already mentioned multiple times, but it doesn’t seem like you’re understanding that part. Secondly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me having concerns over something that will change a big part of my life. But you’re really not understanding where I’m coming from so it’s probably best if you just sit this one out. Thanks for trying though

View Quoted Comment Wow, all I said was that another poster had a good point that you may want to consider when making a decision. Sounds like you really aren’t looking for opinions or advice though, sounds like you already have your mind made up about what you want. So good luck with that, I hope it works out well for you :-)

View Quoted Comment Lol dude what are you even talking about. I’m simply just telling you to sit this one out because I feel like you’re not even reading the words that I’m typing here haha. You’re acting as if I’m telling him no. I’m simply just expressing my concerns that I have. The other poster does have a good point. No need for you to express to them that I have no desire for ‘logic’ here. It’s a bit uncalled for and a bit strange. Never-the-less thank you. You can move on now.

View Quoted Comment A few years ago, my FH called me at work and told me to sit down because he had some very unexpected bad news, and he wanted to tell me before it was all over the local news. His company (a Fortune 500 one) had decided to close their local plant within the next year, and he would either be without a job or we would have to sell our house, I’d have to leave my job, and move over a few hours away from both families and all of our friends. Ultimately, we decided as a couple that we weren’t willing to move for that job position.


Five years later, he now works for that company as a private consultant, which has been an enormous promotion from his previous position, but he lives out of a hotel room Monday-Thursday. This position was supposed to be temporary, but he has been doing it almost two years now. We will soon be making a decision about which one of our careers will have to start over and whether or not we will be relocating away from our family and friends as we start our family.
How would I feel seeing less of him while planning a wedding, a family, and a house?! I would love for him to get a promotion that allows us to live together in the same town, allowing me to keep my job of 13yrs., remain around our friends and family, while requiring him to have a work cell phone on at all times!!!

So this is kind of all over the place, but I'll try to make my thoughts coherent.

First - if you are really just concerned about the house, I would push back on whoever told you an intra-organizational promotion would harm your chances at getting a home loan. Banks, like landlords, want to see stability. Moving *companies* frequently can indicate a lack of stability; getting a promotion doesn't. If anything, it shows that the applicant's employer sees both performance and potential in them to the extent that they are willing to give them greater pay and responsibility. That should reflect positively on the bank's decision.

Second - It sounds like you have issues with the work-life balance aspect. Is that particular to this company/this job, or is it a tradeoff he will make regardless? My bosses work long hours, and I don't want that life. But my FI and I are on the same page about that. Had your FH been hoping for this promotion? Is he at a point in his career where he can take his foot off the gas, or should he be working to climb the ladder? What does he want?

Third - Along those lines, I can't help but notice you keep saying "I could just tell him no" yet you say decisions like this shouldn't be one-sided. That doesn't seem fair, especially because this is his career and his opportunities.

Lastly - Just because you want to get pregnant immediately doesn't mean you will. Hard to make timelines for an unpredictable event.

You seem to have gotten mixed messages somewhere. Because showing regular promotions increasing pay, without leaving your company and the job security of seniority
is a very good thing when applying for mortgages. People who hop companies or gov. positions frequently to get a small rise each time, never have either evidence of a job well done, in their own company, or a position they had job security in at lower pay, to fall back on. So they are first fired, with no bonus benefits, no notice, and have no quality references to get rehired.
What I got from your post is that he is doing the best thing, getting promoted in company.This is great. Encourage it. And check with any mortgage person, they will tell you so. You got things mixed up.

One thing you may legitimately have been told, is that they will prequalify him base on the pre-promotion earnings, for 7 or 8 months or until out of a probation period up to a year.
Some people think they can jump to a higher pre-approval rate the month their pay goes up, but NO. But already receiving a promotion from the same company is a good thing.

View Quoted Comment Aside from the loan, there’s just many other factors. When I initially wrote this that was one of my biggest concerns that I was discussing with him at that moment, but obviously it’s not just that. It has a lot to do with work-life balance, and also just the timing. Also, I never said “I could just tell him no.” I said “part of me wishes I could just tell him no.” And I go on to say but I would never do that. Hence why I’m still supporting him through this. I was simply just expressing my desire/feelings, and I understand it’s not a one-sided decision, hence why I would never tell him ‘no’ and I’m still supporting him to pursue this. Are you suggesting that I should just put a smile on and not express my concerns at all? Because my FH and I don’t do that. We put all of our feelings and emotions out on the table and we come to a compromise. He also agrees that it’s not “his career” just like he understands ‘my’ career isn’t just ‘my career’. We’ve always made decisions together, since the 10 years that we’ve been together. We’ve been sharing a bank account since less than a year after we started dating. It’s just how we are and how we always did/do things. Job opportunities come up all of the time at our company. Many of which in my opinion are a lot less demanding and consuming. This was just a random opportunity that suddenly came up. He says that it’s not going to interfere with anything as far as work life anymore than his job does now, but we have friends that received promotions in neighboring departments, and yes, their lives are consumed with work. Nevertheless, I’m still supporting him through his choice and if it does get to be too overwhelming for him we’ll cross that bridge once we get to it. But it just really sucks that we may end up crossing that bridge at a really critical time, hence planning our wedding, and house, and baby. And from everything I’ve read, sometimes trying to conceive can be Almost as exhausting as actually having a newborn. Our life is pretty awesome right now which is why I panic about change. Its very unpredictable.

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Based on this comment, it seems like you're more upset about him pursuing a challenging position than the mortgage (which, as others have said, is a non-issue). "When earth what do you want a job with more responsibility/stress." - I'm guessing this is supposed to say "Why on earth"... but maybe he wants to increase his earnings if you're planning for a child and a home?

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Money is needed for a baby. You can prioritize family over money, but you still need it.

View Quoted Comment We already have more than enough of it. If we didn’t, we certainly wouldn’t be able to have a wedding and purchase a house and want to plan for a baby right after. Do you not mind your spouse not having a real day off? Would you not mind going out to dinner with your spouse and they get a phone call and that’s the end of date night for extra money? Again I know these are all what if‘s, but I also work for the company and we have friends that have gotten similar promotions and that’s how they have to live. But he feels that it won’t be like that, so I’m going to take his word for it and hope for the best.

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Also, I did a quick Google search and saw this. But again I don’t know. I could possibly not affect anything. All I’m saying is that there are many sources that say otherwise, so why take a chance but again it is a chance that we’re going to take

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Even this article implies that “you can still get a mortgage”. Well that’s great and all, but I guess I’m just wondering if it’s going to hinder our selection of what loan we can get. I have no doubts that will be able to get a loan, but imo when he goes through the preapproval again i’m just hoping it’s not going to hurt the initial rates that we were told simply because he will have less than 24 months documented in that current position. But again, who knows. Everyone here has said otherwise so maybe I should just stop doing research and just wait until we start looking for houses to see what happens.

View Quoted Comment So you would agree that it sucks to see less of your SO right? You also said that you both have to sacrifice one of your careers in order to accomplish your goals of starting a family, i’m assuming because you would agree that being more available when starting a family is more important then making more money right?

View Quoted Comment I actually do know, I’m currently going through this. FH just got a huge promotion and we talked a lot about the adjustments of work/life balance vs. reward, etc. I do think that him getting the occasional late call or email or catching up on work on the weekends is worth both the future it’s helping establish for us and the satisfaction he gets from his job.

Me and FH own a house together. We applied together and they used my credit score for the rate because it was the lower one. They don’t take an average of your credit scores, they pull from different credit companies and take the lowest of all the credit scores. If you’re married then they’ll take the lowest of the two of your scores. Once married you won’t be applying only under his name. Also like many others said, a promotion won’t hurt your mortgage rates but an income increase will increase how much you are approved for. I can understand being stressed about change but a lot will change in your life and you should learn to embrace it. If he turns down a promotion he likely won’t get another shot at it. It shows he’s not serious about his job. I would just take a breath and learn to just go with the flow of life. All this sounds like very good things.

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There’s a lot of information that shows it can be factored in many different ways. But thank for reaching out anyhow. Its appreciated.

View Quoted Comment What this and what you highlighted above means is that the lender will take your income and determine how much you can get preapproved for. Online research is good but you need to follow up with a real lender as to how they will do things because it varies and you could be worrying for nothing. The reason the promotion may affect your loan is simply whether or not the loan officer will count this recent increase to your income or not. If they don’t then you will only be approved of based off his previous position salary, which is what you would anyways had he not taken the promotion. They require your previous 2 years W2s or equivalent to prove your salary and employment. FH had gotten a raise at work 2 months before we applied but they used the salary on his W2 and not the new salary it wasn’t a big deal. If you apply jointly you can combine your salaries and get a higher loan.


My home buying advice, especially if you are concerned with credit etc, would be:1. Discuss rates with multiple mortgage companies and then pick the best one. You can tell them your credit score without having them do a credit check. 2. Pick a local credit union. Where you get your loan from matters to how easy it is to buy your house. Sellers prefer credit unions because they’re safer and easier to work with l than a big national places like Rocket mortgage or whatever. 3. Once you pick your lender talk to them about what you’re comfortable paying monthly rather than what you can afford on paper. Our lender would have approved us for hundreds of thousands more based on salary alone but we would have no money left for fun after paying the mortgage.4. Finally don’t get preapproved until your ready to make an offer on a house. The house search can take a while and preapproval only lasts 30-90 days depending on the lender. You don’t want to have your credit checked with a hard inquiry more than once