fsil Activity Ideas

Escape room, winery tour, zip lining, horse back riding, go carts, shooting range etc any fun date idea that you would do with a partner is just as fun with sisters/GFs.

I’ve found these relationships grow stronger with time! But while you’re waiting lol I reco to do little regular dates like at your fav coffee shop or meet at McD for breakfast (or wherever you guys like) occasionally- you would prob have to take the lead on it until it comes routine. Another awesome bonding experience is to do a 5k together, or volunteer together at a community center or event like a beer or music festival. Good luck.

I know me I would just much rather go out for like a brunch for a dinner. I think the previous ideas are good but maybe wants you to get to know each other. Hopefully once they get to know you they will calm down but maybe they are just overprotective of their brother. I would start with that first and if they don't seem to respond well then I personally wouldn't put into much more effort because I feel relationships are a two-way street.

My FH also has two sisters and I’m an only child too! They both live in Florida and we live in North Dakota so it took awhile for my relationship with them to build up. We’ve been together 4.5 years so now our relationships have gotten a lot stronger! These things just take time and I think it would definitely help to take the first step and invite them for breakfast or lunch, so you can sit down and have a casual get together. Once you all get to know each other, making a good relationship comes a lot easier. My FSILs are definitely like real sisters to me and they’re a blessing, but it did take some time! Good luck!

I'd ask your FH what they are into and consider some of those options. I'd also try to keep the overall cost reasonable unless you are planning to treat them.

Also, know that it's okay if you and your FSIL don't become close. Just because you always wanted siblings/sisters, doesn't mean your in-law family is going to fill that gap. I'm also an only child and my FH has an older sister. He not very close to his sister and she has very little in common with either of us. Her interests and values are different and its extremely difficult for us to find things to do when we try to get together. Even meals are challenging because she's constantly changing her diet and what she eats one month might be totally different the next. She is not a bad person and I don't dislike her and don't think she dislikes me, but there is very little to connect with her about or build a meaningful relationship on, and I probably feel less connected to her than 99% of our wedding guests. If they weren't related by blood and hadn't grown up together my FH and his sister would have no relationship at all, because she just isn't someone he or I would ever gravitate towards hanging out with.

Give it time! What about going to brunch or dinner or something?

I'm an only child, too, and DH has a sister. He has always wanted us to be close... I have repeatedly asked her to lunch or coffee or something... and nothing. She was a groomswoman, and apparently was fairly bratty about it the whole time. (To the point where even MIL got mad at her.) She made my MOH cry.

She still has not apologized.

Her behavior is improving a bit, but I'm at the point where I no longer care. DH knows it's not me.

Lesson?

Don't push it. Leave yourself open to form a relationship, but if they are hostile, it's nothing *you* can do about it. Talk to your FH. He needs to talk to them. He needs to make it clear that you are going to be a part of the family, and they should treat you as such. If they don't, then they hurt their relationship with *him*.

Take the high road as often as humanly possible. Be polite, be kind, but don't take crap.

Either they'll get over themselves, and you'll be able to build a relationship, or they'll alienate their brother and kick themselves.

View Quoted Comment The sad thing is, they’ve already started to alienate me, and by default him. His entire family had that issue for a while - he eventually stood up to his mom and she changed her ways. It greatly improved my relationship with her, thankfully.
But idk if the same will happen with his sisters. They aren’t necessarily nasty. But they make it clear that I’m an afterthought of being in the family. I’m not going to push it though.
FH and I are going to try hosting a sibling game night with his sisters and their partners. Then while they’re over I can ask for a dinner or lunch just the girls. Suffering from depression and anxiety is also a killer. That mean little voice in my head keeps saying I’m going to fail and they’ll like me even less 😬😞

View Quoted Comment Luckily, FH and his sisters are close. His older sister is about a year older than him, so they've pretty much always done everything together.
Not only do I want to be close(ish) to them for myself, I know it would make him happy. Though he has told me he’s happy I’m even trying and that if they still don’t warm up that’s fine.
They are actually people I would love to hangout with. Especially his older sister. She seems to be into the same types of things I am. But hopefully this just takes time.

View Quoted Comment We are going to try a dinner! But FH and I are going to try hosting a sibling game night with pizza, board games, his sisters and their partners first. Gives us a chance to hangout in my own element and not at his parents house under “supervision”. Then I can ask them for a girls lunch or something while they’re over.
Hopefully pizza and beer make everyone happy?

View Quoted Comment So, to counter the mean little voice in your head:


Their behavior reflects them, not you. If their mother also did this, this behavior reflects them, not you.
It sounds like your FH needs to have a much longer talk with them. Also, see if you can bond with their partners - I'm betting they might also feel alienated, as well.
Good luck!

Are there any family functions or holidays coming up? It sounds like you don't know each other super well yet, so I think you need to start super casual, quick and low stress, so I was thinking, if there's like, say, your fiance's birthday coming up, you could have a few family members over for cake and ask his sisters on a Target date to get supplies. The wedding could work too, if you have any appointments or shopping runs coming up that you could invite them along to. For instance, there's a Hobby Lobby-type store going out of business by me, and I should have texted my FSILs and asked them to go check it out with me for any good deals on wedding supplies (or any other good deals). My FSIL's and I aren't super close yet either, so I've just started texting them for their opinions on small things or sending them pics from Pinterest, just for the sake of getting over the hump of "we text each other regularly now" and we don't really have a ton else to talk about besides the wedding. But I think if you start with a couple casual shopping trips, from there, you can build from Target date, to Target date plus Panera afterwards, and so on.

Something to say back to your little voices: you can only be friends with people who want it. And that does not necessarily have anything much to do with you. With a lot of marriages, the couple crosses a bridge back and forth to visit each family. But there is never any real merging of families. Not ever, or not for a period of years. So be nice. Make a gesture toward getting together. But if they show no signs of interest, don't worry about it at all. Treat them as you would co-workers or people in the community. Be nice, and don't expect much. If they are into power games, or jealousy, those don't thrive if the other person just doesn't care. So don't. Not your fault. You might find more female friends in a different direction. Ask FI to invite 2 guys with wives or girlfriends, to do something as 2-3 couples. It can be co-workers whose SO he does not know, or people he has hung out with only for " guy things" . Then you do the same, a few women you know, with a SO. These do not need to be close friends to start with. I come from a rural area of numerous small towns. Tourists pass through like a flood a few times a year. But locals make their own networks. And sometimes you need to start cold. But there are an awful lot of lonely and alienated people out there. And if you make the overtures, or learn an activity or skill, and use that as an intro, you may have lots of sisters over time, without them coming from family. I come from a big family. But when FI and I married, sibs were all scattered. And his we're all 5 hours away. I did not like any of his 10 sisters or SIL. Despised a couple. Others are nice enough, but we had nothing at all in common. Like a turtle and a goat, differences. It was easy in school, and the army. But neither of us knew the other's friends, and right after we met we both moved, from school to distant jobs. But we started with inviting people we saw on the same street. We did volunteer community things. We each had new jobs. Over time some of my siblings, and I, moved back closer to our homes. And his younger brothers took up with women we at least liked on the surface, and moved an hour away. So we have family. But there is a grouping of about 16 couples whom we do outdoorsy things with. And some of the same, plus others, make about 30 couples we do regular home cooked meal or cookout dinner parties with, 2 to 4 couples at once for shooting pool, or cards or games, or a picnic and canoeing times with. Sometimes as many as 20-30 couples gather at once at a local state park. Nothing formal. Just a few people at a time added to a big circle. But it amazes me we know so many now. Them too. If you have kids, or pets, meeting is easier. On the way by I learned to make jewelry, make stained glass, and use power tools. I was always a quilter and cook , things I share. But starting without the hangups of family who don't want to be friends is liberating. So if things work with SIL, immediately, great. If not, try something you can control. Take a cooking course in a kind of food you might use for entertaining. Meet another woman looking for friends. Start where you have others interested, and your confidence will improve. Really.

View Quoted Comment

This is a great idea!! Thank you.