Future Husband and Bridesmaids, that don't like each other.

What are you planning to do about this situation? Did you know FH didn't want her in the bridal party before you decided?

View Quoted Comment I'm not sure what to do. What I feel like I should do is respect my FH feelings and tell her she can't be apart of my wedding anymore. Then I feel like it'll cause drama between her and I. She's my aunt whose a couple years old than I am. We have been side by side since we were kids until my FH and I dated. Since then our relationship has been distant.

I didn't know he didn't want her to be in our wedding party when I decide. I told him who I wanted in my wedding party but he didn't voice it until after. He wanted to give her a chance but it hasn't changed since.

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I don't think she has to be super close to your FH. As long as she's close to you, that's what matters most as long as she hasn't done anything to disrespect your FH.

I think it would be awful of you to uninvite a BM and I think your FI should have no say in who YOUR nearest and dearest are (those are the people you should have in your bridal party). It's totally normal for friends (and even family) to be much closer to one of a couple over the other.

Also, the groom has literally no interaction with BM's the day of the wedding. Like, they literally don't even have to speak unless they choose to, so I don't know what he's worried about. I think he's overreacting. If she wasn't a BM, she would still be there...

View Quoted Comment Sorry, but this is not right. Your bridesmaids are not necessarily people who involve themselves with you as a couple. Nor are they necessarily people who will ever socialize a lot with you with their significant others. The BM, and gm, are people who have been close personal friends, or close family, of the bride OR groom who chooses them, before marriage. And are expected to be close personal friends of the individual after marriage. These people do not ever have to become friends with your fiance/ spouse, as long as they are polite to each other when they meet. No aggression, screaming or abuse behavior. But they never need to be close to your chosen partner. . . Your fiance/ husband has no right to so much control over you that you cannot maintain string friendships with people if he merely does not like them. He does not have to like all of your friends, You don't have to like his. You two are not permanently joined at the hip. It is very healthy for a marriage for each of you to have some friends and confidants who are separate, friends only of one of you. Never give FI that power to separate you from the people you value, because he does not like them, or senses they do not like him. Controlling spouses are a misery to live with. Keep her in the wedding party, since you originally wanted her, and still do. If he insists you do, stop wedding planning and take off your ring, and tell him that after you go to counseling and resolve this issue, you will consider whether or not to still be engaged. He does not own you, or control your access to friends and family, now or ever. Don't accept that he does.

You get to choose your respective sides of your wedding party. He doesn’t need to be best friends with her, she’s not his grooms-woman. Your bridesmaids should be your closest friends and that’s all that really matters. This would be a nonnegotiable for me, especially since you already asked her.

Not everyone is close to their inlaws. It sounds like your fiance is being a bit dramatic. Bridesmaids and groomsmen are close friends or family to the bride or groom, not necessarily both bride and groom.
Also he had a chance to say no, he did not, he has to deal with it now. You can't unask someone to be a bridesmaid unless you never want to speak to them again.

I am probably in the minority when I say I don't understand how decisions of a wedding party don't take into account both the FH and FW feelings. I wouldn't have some one in my wedding party that my FH didn't like and vice versa. I also think friends/family should and do make an effort to get to know your future spouse every single friend in the wedding party that lives close enough has had us over for dinner or gone out to eat with us at least if not more at their request. All of my friends and family wanted to meet my FH and his family and friends too. Of course it depends on what kind of people your friends and family are. I had Aunt's who were planning to drive from another state to meet my FH( they didn't make it because it snowed ( that's Chicago weather in April for ya). I do think you are in a stuff spot and I feel for both of you. I am very sorry. There is no right answer FH should just try and be okay with it and for you I would have told him who I was planning on including in the wedding party before hand. I hope this doesn't ruin the day and that you both can and do enjoy it.

Have you ever had a sit down with the two of them? Are there reasons for not liking each other things that can be sorted out? I would at least attempt to get them to talk it out like adults and if they can't do that ask them each to respect that it is your day. Hopefully they can respect that and be in the same area for a few hours.

Why does a BM need to be involved in your relationship? As long as shes not actively trying to sabotage it, I dont see the problem...

She's your choice. Unless she is outright mean, rude, or nasty towards your FH and/or your relationship I don't see a problem with her being a BM. If she was those things I doubt you would have asked her in the first place. I would ask your FH to respect your choice since you and your aunt have a special bond. "She hasn't gotten to know me" isn't a great reason to request you drop a BM let alone a BM that is family. Best of luck with this.

You get to choose your brides maids not him. He can choose his groomsman not you. Unless someone is doing something that is harmful to the other person. I would ask talk to the bridesmaid and say you would like if she made a effort to get to know your fiancé more.

I personally would not have someone who he doesn't want there. If tables were turned you wouldn't want him doing it to you. We had a bridesmaid dilema too only it's his daughter. He wants her to be a bridesmaid and I dont know her at all ! I met her twice and she didnt even talk to me. But at the end of the day I dont care whose there beside me or him, I just want to marry this man ! So we agreed to let her be a bridesmaid . But I do like her shes a part of him so not quite the same situation. But still lol

The Bridal part is those who YOU feel closest to. Not who He feels closest to in your side or you on his. He can suggest, but Not demand.

Ask yourself this: If she wasn’t in the wedding( and it was OK w/her) would YOU be OK with that or would you be sad/upset? If you would there’s the answer, if not then let the chips fall where they may and ask her not to be in the wedding, but let FH know it was YOUR decision NOT his.

Maybe talk to her and tell her that its important she get to know your FH, and he her. That if you’ve been distant because of the relationship you are sorry, but it’s not his fault and start fresh.