Future husbands step mom not coming to bridal shower

No. I wouldn't be offended.

No, because everyone can’t attend everything. That’s just life! We’re only having the wedding (minus all the pre-events). That way we don’t overload our guests and they only have to focus on attending one thing.

No, I wouldn’t be offended. People can’t attend showers all the time for a variety of reasons. That doesn’t mean they don’t want to include you. When I married my first husband, almost none of his family came to my shower, even though his stepmom, all his cousins and a few aunts live locally.

There may be some info missing here. Is FH's mom coming? If so, does she get along with stepmom? Maybe stepmom only felt comfortable attending if her son's wife came, too. I don't know...just speculating.

View Quoted Comment Yes she is coming. I did offer for his step Lon to bring a friend but that’s when she said work has been busy. They said that they both have no problem with each other but maybe you’re right

No, I wouldn’t be offended at all. Showers are totally optional wedding events; it’s nice when everyone came come but if she can’t or won’t, don’t dwell on it too much. Maybe she is uncomfortable around people she doesn’t know?

I would be a little bit hurt, too. Given your post, it sounds more like she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t have anyone she’s really close to to ride with, sit with, etc., not that she doesn’t support you. While some people can walk into a room of acquaintances or strangers and feel comfortable, others have social anxiety. I would give her the benefit of doubt here!

No reason at all to be offended. First, a usual shower is only for people who are very close personal friends and family of the bride, and few if any groom side attend unless MOG is holding or helping with a shower. Second, it is only for those who want to give a second gift, in addition to the wedding gift, and many simply prefer to give whatever they have in one gift. TV has made it look like everyone has showers, and everyone both sides is SUPPOSED to go. But it has never been that way in the past. It is an optional minor party of the wedding that many people do not get at all. You should not be monitoring who is invited or coming to the shower.

I wouldn't be offended at all, there's things that I can't sometimes attend for family/friends unfortunately that's just life. Everyone has their own life going on as well

I would be sad and disappointed, but not offended. I would just let the stepmom know she is free to bring anyone she would like if her work schedule happens to allow her to attend — even for a small portion of the event.

It sounds like work is a fake excuse.
I would be offended but wouldn't make a scene because of that and wouldn't bring the subject up, not even to my fiancé.
If you really think she doesn't want to bond/get closer to you, stop insisting and disatance yourself from her, as long as you remain polite everything will be fine.Forcing a relationship with her is NOT the way to go. I'm 100% sure you wouldn't like someone (including your man) to pressure you to have a relationship with someone if you don't want, would you?

View Quoted Comment I don’t want to force a relationship. That’s why I’m upset that she’s choosing not to come (work is very clearly an excuse she made). I don’t want to be forced to go to events at her house and put in effort to get close with that side of the family if they can’t even make an effort for this huge event in my life is more what I’m thinking long term.

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The huge event is the wedding, not the shower. It's fine to feel disappointed, but pre-wedding events usually come second to the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I meant my marriage. I understand that maybe you don’t think the other celebrations of the wedding are relevant but they are and it is hurtful for her to make an excuse to not attend my shower instead of coming to support me. It’s not about gifts it’s about celebrating me as a bride and becoming a part of their family as well.

No I wouldn't be offended. At all.

No I wouldn't be offended or hurt at all. You can't expect people to attend every event you have regardless of who they are. That's not how life works and if you always plan for these people to come you will always end up disappointed. Plan the party invite the people and have fun with those who show and don't worry about those who didn't.

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Don't put words in my mouth that I never said or implied. I never said they weren't relevant, I never said you only wanted gifts.

I said the pre-wedding events come second to the wedding as far as celebrations go. Not everyone can make these events for whatever reason going on in their lives.

Ok thanks for your responses. I think the complicated relationship we have with that side of the family is the reason I’m feeling hurt by it.

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Do you normally have a good relationship with her and his family other than this event? Having them accept you and welcome you into the family isn't just about wedding plans. My MIL wanted to go to my wedding dress appointments and she's hated me for years. If these people have welcomed you and have put in effort so far I think it's a little ridiculous of you to put so much on a bridal shower. Also, being "forced to go to events" with your SO's family is a part of being together.

View Quoted Comment No. We don’t have a good relationship. Everyone is being a little judgemental so I would appreciate you not using that tone when I’m trying to share something personal in this forum for support.