Future mil Throwing a Fit

I don't think you should feel bad at all. She insisted on paying for something so you let her and it sounds like you gave her free range to choose whatever venue she wanted. She didn't have to choose such an expensive place. AND after her procrastination you helped her by cutting the guest list. I think you've done everything you can and this is on her.

This is hearsay. If FMIL needs assistance, she can go to your partner with her feelings. You've already offered a way to simplify the costs through guest count. You have a wedding to plan which is hard enough. Don't take on more projects others wanted to take on. Another option is to cancel the rehearsal and dinner altogether. Do you and your wedding party need to practice walking?

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Well... not really hearsay when the source my FH's father. He came to us to express his concern about how we treated her (add-on stress...etc.)

I was going to plan the rehearsal dinner myself and have most details planned until we gave it to his mother and let her have free range to plan.

And yes we need to practice walking down the aisle since we are doing some things out of the norm, and need our bridal party to be informed. My bridal party is travel across from various states, the least I can do is invite them to the rehearsal dinner.

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I know, after laying down the facts it does seem obvious I should feel bad.

I think one of the major reasons I feel bad is also she is passive-aggressive. She tends to behave like the victim. I don't think she does it on purpose though. So it's kind of hard to blame her and be mad at her. All those emotions resulted in the "I feel bad" feelings.

I know you care a lot about their strain, but it isn't your cross to bear. FMIL was adamant on contributing, so you finally let her and she overstepped her own finances. That is not a you problem, at all. The fact that she's complaining about you "making" her pick a more expensive venue is what should make you mad here...IMO lol

If I was you, I'd tell her you don't want that venue and you want [insert venue with a lower cost] instead. Otherwise, let it go. Don't feel bad about this, she's an adult and she chose to do this.

SHE threw a tantrum about not getting to contribute. SHE said she wanted to plan the rehearsal dinner. SHE agreed to take on the responsibility to plan the rehearsal dinner. SHE failed to plan anything until a month away. SHE chose an expensive venue. SHE continued complaining even after you tried to help ease the burden. Notice a pattern here?

This situation is on her, not you. It's your FI's mom so it's up to them to deal with her anyway.

The lesson here though, is not to give in to her tantrums in future. You and FI set and adhere to boundaries when it comes to her. This is not the end of the passive aggressiveness on her part, guaranteed.

Has any similar behavior been recognized of your FMIL? Hopefully it is just that she wants to do something she really is not ready to do financially or in planning. It may just be the desire to contribute to the event but also insecure about it.

Oh, yikes. Sounds the stereotypical MIL bull. I'm so sorry, dude. You did your best, and you told her it wasn't necessary. At the end of the day, she's a grown adult, and she had to make her own choices--and live with the consequences.


It's hard to not feel guilty. I have a similar MIL.... just remember, you explicitly told her you and your FH could manage without. Your hands are clean here. Hoping things get better soon for you 🙏

We paid for everything at our wedding and my mother offered to pay for centerpieces. I politely told her no but that the thought and offer was everything to me. She gave us a card with $600 the day of the wedding which made me feel so bad because she lives on a tight budget and when I confronted her about it she said she had saved that money specifically for me because she wanted to help and I wouldn’t allow her.
I don’t think you should feel bad. As a parent myself, I want to give my kids everything. She isn’t upset about the cost or that she has to do it, she is hurt because it’s a struggle to want to do the most and feeling like you can’t. Just make a big deal about how wonderful it is that she did this for you guys and make sure you acknowledge it and appreciate it.