Future sil Drama

Your fiance needs to have a CTJ talk with his sister. She either changes her attitude and how she treats you - his soon to be wife - or she will have a much more limited role in his life. I have to wonder if how she is reacting is in response to fearing that she is losing her brother (you said they are very close). Unfortunately, she's creating the reality of what she might be fearing most. Yes, she's obviously immature and that doesn't help the situation.

As for the wedding, I wouldn't ask her to step down. She'll be a pain, but sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and get through life. If you do kick her out of the wedding, how would that be handled by your fiance's parents? Would it harm your relationship with them? Is your relationship with them important to you and fiance?

Hello I feel so bad your going through this and I can totally relate because my maid of honor who’s my sister was being a brat as well and that’s exactly how she is behaving !!...you’ve been very patient and hold a lot of anger inside , from what you mention your relationship with her was fine before and now it seem to have changed after you asked her to be a bridemaids , I would have a sit down with her and speak to her about her behave and how it will affect her chances of staying in the wedding , If you don’t she will keep doing it and probably make your day miserable on your wedding day just imagine asking her to take pics with the bridal party or with anyone so resolve this issue now and if she doesn’t change than ask her to come as a guest because it’s your wedding day and you’ve been nothing but nice to her !!

I'd have the same temptation to want to remove her, but don't act on it. Have your FH sit down with her and talk to her about how she's treating the BOTH of you. She'll probably listen to her brother over you, unfortunately, because of the long-standing relationship they have.

Have him explain WHY you guys ask these things of her- it's not to be bossy, it's because certain deadlines need to be met in order for things to go smoothly for the wedding, and you want to make sure the dress will fit her and look good on her. Turn it around to her and how she seems to be thinking mostly of herself in this situation.

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Thank you so much! It's just been so hard and I'm so torn because I'm tired of being the bigger person with her but that's just who I am. Oh another fun issue, she REFUSES to take pictures ever. Like family Christmases, parties, etc..but she posts selfie after selfie. Ugh I think I might lay it out to her and leave it up to her to either be supportive or she doesn't have to participate if that's what she really wants.

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You absolutely hit the nail on the head. I've been told by her mom and step-mom that she is just resentful because she has never had to share him. I've never interfered with their relationship and have tried to get close to her and thought I was until we got engaged and she realized I wasn't going away. I continuously support the fact that they have a special bond and I don't try to come in between that doesn't make a difference to her. Her behavior has definitely been pushing him away though.
Both of his parents support us either way. They are very supportive of us and our relationship and unfortunately his mom had to witness this whole thing and all of them have been at the receiving end of her horrid tantrums.

You make a good point though, I think he needs to have a talk to her and tell her our expectations for her behavior on the day of the wedding. I will just have to suck it up. I just get a pit in my stomach at the thought of her being up there being so resentful, not to mention I'm terrified of what she is capable of.

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That is exactly the only person she thinks of. You are right though, he will have to be the one to handle "the talk". Thanks for the uplifting advice!

It should come from your FH, or both of you together- it needs to be clear he feels the same way too and ultimately, it’s about you bob on your day- one day she’ll understand and if she doesn’t, then it was definitely the right decision to not have her stand beside you both while you get married.

I agree with some of the PP's who've said you should talk to her with your FH, that way she knows this is coming from both of you. I think you need to do what's right for you and your wedding. Yes, she's going to have to attend it no matter what, and yes, she's probably going to make things uncomfortable no matter what. Do you want this negativity standing up there with you or *hopefully* blending into the crowd instead?

Wow Darbie I can't imagine how you feel this is a really tough situation but from the sounds of it you are handling it all as best as possible and everyone is on your side! I agree with the other members that your SIL is just resentful that you are "taking" her brother away from her. I definitely think that this is a conversation your FH should have with her clarifying that her behavior is not acceptable and what the expectations are for the wedding. As well he should clear up the idea that he is her brother and no matter what that wont ever change!!

What do you need to do to finish planning for your wedding? Two months goes by really fast!!

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I completely agree with Going to the chapel. FH needs to have a heart to heart with his sister. It doesn't excuse her behavior but I think she is acting out out of fear of losing her relationship with her brother. He should encourage her to voice her feelings instead of acting like a petulant child (don't say that, though).

If you kick her out of your BP, the ramifications might be a bit severe. She will likely act out worse than now and most assuredly will tell the rest of the family that you're being a bridezilla and kicking her to the curb. It's not fair at all but she will manage to make you see like the bad guy in that situation. I mean, I totally understand why you want to but I would weigh things out first.

UPDATE: FH texted her today and asked if she wanted to talk or apologize or if he needed to return her dress, a few minutes later the dress mysteriously showed up on our front porch. Needless to say, he is beyond upset, we are both broken-hearted and honestly baffled by her actions.

Thank you all for your helpful and constructive criticism. I guess she took care of the dilemma herself.

I am sorry, at least he tried to talk to her. You can only do so much.

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I'm sorry you're going through this Although she solved the dilemma of the dress herself; hopefully your FH and you continue to try to reach out to her and she can understand that you're not taking him away but rather that she's gaining a new sister. If she continues to refuse all advances, then it's 100% on her.