Future sister in law

View Quoted Comment Well, as much as I don’t like her, I don’t want to blow up her spot, even on an anonymous forum, but basically she has some mental health issues that she finally got treatment for, so she is generally tolerable for a few hours. So you can only be so angry at someone who couldn’t really control their behavior for most of the time you’ve known her. However, at her core, she is a narcissist with an unpleasant personality (unlike my dad, who is also a narcissist but very sweet and generous), so the only reason she’s ever nice to anyone is if she needs something from them or they have been giving her lots of attention.

For her “gift,” her labor is free but I hadn’t realized she was going to hire a whole damn crew (who obviously should be paid), and she is paying all expenses that go over her quote. Still, though, she’s making my dad pay for all sorts of supplies (urns, weights, LED candles since the venue doesn’t allow open flame) that she will keep after the wedding for her stock. So her “gift” is now a tax-deductible business expense that I feel like she shouldn’t make my dad pay for, but that’s a conversation between the two of them.

Sorry, OP, for hijacking your thread. I think all of these stories just exhibit how much happier you’ll be to not have her involved!

So lucky me, I get along AMAZING with both of my FSIL's. They are 10 and 11 years older than me (9 & 10 years older than FH) and we all just have an amazing relationship, they are 2 of my BM's. That being said. my brother and I do not have that kind of relationship. He is a decent person when his wife isn't around but we have just become more distant over the last 8 years since he knocked her up (and eventually married her) and I made it clear to FH that my brother did not need to be a GM. SIL is one of those self centered, designer demanding types who thinks because her parents have money (her step dad to be specific) so does she... wrong. FH's BIL is also a "high and mighty" type who no one in the family likes (including FSIL/FH's sister most of the time) and I told FH that he didn't need to be a GM either, despite being a GM at his wedding. I did a reading at my brothers wedding (which went terrible but that's another story) and we are having my brother and FH's BIL be ushers just to keep the peace. Its really up to you. You need to be ready for potential blow back that might result from discluding her, but you also need the right people around you on YOUR day. I personally wouldn't want that kind of toxicity that close to be, but sometimes the future relationship is more important. You could always ask one of your other BM's to kind of "babysit" and keep her out of your hair... I know my MOH volunteered to do just that if I felt like I had to have my SIL in my party.

Nope! Don’t involve her whatsoever. I would invite her to be a guest at the wedding/reception and that is it. Avoid that headache altogether.

No way! That's all I've got!

I personally would avoid all conflict and not have a bridal party. I did this bc I don’t like future BIL and all of our siblings are not the best with managing money and I knew they wouldn’t get the dress or tux required even if it was affordable and I let them know a year in advance.

Don’t feel obligated to have her in the wedding if she’s always been disrespectful towards you. Also, I do recommend not making it obvious and singling her out. People may ask questions if you have all of your siblings and all of his siblings in your wedding except her.

Thanks everyone for your help! I appreciate, I was leaning towards not including her anyway but didn’t know if I should try to “rise above it”!

I wouldn't include her in anything because that gives her more of an opportunity to make herself a big deal. You shouldn't feel bad about not including her at all if she is blatantly rude to you like this! At the time me and FH became engaged we were having problems with his family and his sister blamed me for all of them, which really hurt my feelings, especially as I thought we got along exceptionally well, so I didn't ask her and I'm not giving her any roles. My BIL, who I'm close with and has been in my life for 12 years doesn't even have a role, and he isn't taking any offense!