Future son-in-law thinks i'm pushy and overbearing

I personally don’t think it’s a parents place to go to all the vendor meetings and help plan. It isn’t your wedding and these are decisions that should be between the two of them. It becomes hard when a parent gives money because technically they have a say in what their money goes to. If your daughter agrees that you’re a little too close I would look into therapy to discuss this. I know it can be difficult to go from having a child that needs you to having an independent adult who begins to rely on their significant other.

I agree with the above poster

however he is RUDE and he should watch his mouth treat the only living parent of his future wife with some civility.

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It's not that I wanted to go to all of the meetings. It hurts that his parents get so much involvement and enjoyment in planning the wedding and I'm left out and I don't have anyone to turn to about this. My husband died two years ago and I don't want to really date again.

View Quoted Comment I get that. Unfortunately they can do that because they are paying. I would look into counseling.

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I don't want to look into counseling. I'm being mistreated. I just love my daughter and want to have some involvement in her wedding.

I also feel like I'm being punished for not having the money to participate in the wedding. Why can't I have a little bit of involvement?

View Quoted Comment Thank speak to her privately

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I have talked to her about it and she goes along with her fiance about only having his parents involved.

I would just reach out to her and ask does she need your assistance on any task that must be complete. Then after that I will just be done and give her space.

I don’t think any parents should go to meetings, consultations, etc.

I’m not sure what you’re looking for on here if you don’t want to seek counseling or speak to her privately.

I invited my mother when I tried on wedding dresses and we bought flowers together but that's it. She offered to pay for my dress so I wanted her to have a say as well as being there as my mother. She didn't come to the venue with us. She didn't talk to my vendors, etc. It's one thing if I ask her for help or her opinion but another for her to expect just because she's my mother she needs to be 100% involved or in the know.

If you don't think counseling is right for you that's fine. There's no need to be bitter towards your daughter for wanting to make choices with her to be husband. There's no need for you to be bitter with him because he wants you to take a step back and let her be an adult. He wants to be her go to person, not for you to be that person.

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I said that I already spoke to her.

View Quoted Comment I understand that. Maybe more than one conversation needs to be had.

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I'm not trying to be her "go to person" for everything. I just want to have some joy in her wedding. It feels like I'm just showing up for the event like all the other guests instead of the bride of the mother.

I am letting her be an adult. She is 31 and hasn't lived with me since she left to college.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this.

View Quoted Comment You’re coming on here being very defensive. Everyone on here is giving you an outsiders opinion or view. Take a deep breath & try to be more open to other possibilities.

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I have offered assistnace, but she keeps giving duties and tasks to her future mother-in-law and maid of honor. She is leaving me out of everything other than the dress shopping and fittings. It hurts that I'm not allowed to do anything just because I don't have the money. I offer time to help them and they don't take it.

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I've tried to be open to other possibilities. But the whole wedding is being planned and managed by my daughter, future son-in-law, and his parents. It feels like i'm an outsider and I'm not equal to his parents because they have the means to be involved.

I hate that our society often punishes people for not having money to help others.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure exactly who you’re referring to but on WW 99% of us say it’s YOUR responsibility ( not anyone else’s ) to pay for YOUR wedding.

View Quoted Comment At this point I would stop trying I wish my Mom was here so that I can share my planning with her but everyone is different .

Honestly speaking, did you come on here looking for sympathy rather than advice?