Gay Weddings and Family Members that don't approve.

If you really want and feel the need to invite them, just sent an invite. Give them the choice about whether to decline or come. You don't need to explain anything. Their bigotry is not your problem.

You don't need to explain anything!

I would just send them an invite. I feel like acknowledging their beliefs gives them more power. If they feel strongly enough about it they won't come. But if they live you more than they dislike you being gay they will!

I agree. You don't need any explanation. If they don't want to come, then that is their loss. I will never understand people against love of any kind. It makes absolutely no sense to me. They should be happy you found the one you want to spend your life with. Congratulations to you and your future wife! You both have all of my support even if your own family can't jump on board.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is amazing to me that you accept THEM with their beliefs and feelings when they may not return the favor.

If you want them to come, invite them. No need for anything else.

How will you feel if they openly respond to you that they disagree with your wedding and refuse to be there? You are kind of asking for it, even though your letter is very kind (too kind).

I'd spare myself and invite them, if you want them there. Let them rsvp as usual with a simple accept or decline.

You're coming from a good place, but I agree with Mrs.K -- if you send that to them, it's almost like validating their beliefs and asking permission.

Just send the invite. If they can't handle it and won't attend, that's on them and you'll know why.

I would just send the invitations with out any letter. It is a very, very kind idea and I admire you for having so much love and respect towards your family. I hope they have the same for you.

I agree with the others, just go along with the invite, they can decide if they want to come or not. I don't feel like a justification letter is necessary....

Your fiancee and FMIL are right. It's far too nice; you have no obligation to explain anything to people who are too bigoted to see past their own historical (and often religiously justified) hatred to be happy for a family member. Part of love is acceptance, and they are sadly lacking in that department.

They SHOULD be changing (or at least revisiting) their beliefs because THEM being uncomfortable does not trump (sorry about that...) YOU being uncomfortable.

Just invite them. Maybe they'll gain enlightenment in the next year. And if not? It's their loss.

All that being said, you're a much better woman than I am. If my family had a problem with my community based on something so flimsy, I'd have a big problem with them. Suffice it to say we've view each other from afar. I wouldn't even invite them.

I also agree with all the PP. Sent them the invite and prepare yourself for declines.

I am a firm believer in "never ask a question you're not prepared to hear the answer to." As incredibly nice as the letter is, if they still refuse to attend, for me, their disapproval would hurt even more. I wouldn't give them an additional opportunity to reject you.

I think your heart is in the right place, but your FMIL and FW are right. This being too nice. Just send the invite, and if they decide to come, then maybe reach out to say how excited you are to celebrate with them

Just send the invite, no need to preface it with anything else. They'll make their own decision about whether or not they will attend and why. Extending the invitation is a good gesture on your part.

Agreed with pps, don't send the letter. Just an invite. Either they will come to the wedding or they won't. I think you'll have a good idea of who loves you for you based on those replies.

I think that if your FW wants her family to be invited that invitations just need to be sent. My FW and I have plenty of family on her side that have not even acknowledged our relationship due to their own asshattery. I would never send them anything like that. You do not need to validate your relationship to them. You do not need to pretend that don't want them to change their minds on how they feel about your relationship. That's bull. Everyone wants to be accepted by their family. Invitations will be extended and in the end it will be their decision whether they want to attend.

I agree with all the above posters, you have nothing to explain. Send them an invite, and when they respond, whether they attend or not, the love you two share will not be changed by it. You have a supportive community here and I'm sure the family that will be in attendance will surround you with love and respect. I wish you and your future wife a wonderful day and amazing life ahead!

This makes me sad. Sorry that you have to even deal with this.

You should not have to explain your love to anyone especially family or friends. If they care about you and your happiness whether or not its with a female or male, then they will be there for you!!! The fact of who you are marrying shouldn't matter, they should be at your wedding regardless. Best of luck to you

Your letter is far too nice. Their hate is not your problem, and its not your job to make them feel comfortable. I dont think bigots should ever feel comfortable with their hateful beliefs. I honestly wouldn't even invite anyone who didnt respect my relationship. You seem to be putting a lot more effort into this than your FW, does she even really want these family members there? Eta: *feel

I hate that you have to deal with this at all. This should be the happiest time in your lives and you're having to worry about dealing with someone else's problem. I would still send them all an invitation and let them choose whether they want to miss out on your fantastic day. My FAVORITE uncle was gay (he has since passed), but even my old fashioned family had nothing but love for him until the end. I still miss him so much and we still keep in touch with his partner via facebook. I hope everyone can change their minds and realize how great of a time they'll be missing out on!