Gay Weddings and Family Members that don't approve.

I agree with the others. The letter is very nice and the effort is commendable but you should not have to explain anything. You haven't done anything wrong. Just send invites and see who actually cares enough to show. Forget those who don't.

No letter needed. Send the invitation. They can decide if they want to come

It's not about whether your letter is too nice, it's just unnecessary. Just send the invite and let them decide.

Don't worry about their feelings. My cousin and her soon to be wife decided to only invite the supportive family members. I think it is a splendid idea, why waste money on their invite--or even give them the position to be more opinionated. You can't change their views and while your letter was lovely I think it may just make you feel hurt from them.

Love and support to you both!

BasicallyBex, I love your note, and if you were *my* bride I'd say, "Great! Let's include it!" however, it's not my wedding, or anyone else's on this site (besides yours) so if your fiancée doesn't want you to send it, either defer to her, just out of love, or talk to her till you both come to a mutual agreement.

Zoe, how can you be so consistent, honestly?

It's not deferring; it's apologizing to people who are bigoted and hateful. Don't you get it?

While I appreciate your effort, it's not something I could support.

What your letter gives them is permission to remain in their stale cocoon of judgment and their intrusive beliefs. If you send that letter, they will not attend your wedding. It will do nothing to change their minds. In fact, the most you can expect as a result of that letter is a cordial tolerance of your lifestyle. They will never truly embrace you. You're giving them permission to boycott your wedding, and you're telling them that you respect the basis of their bigotry.

The most you could hope to gain is tolerance, but they will never embrace you as the spouse of their family member.

Please, don't send that letter. Simply invite them and let them make their statement via RSVP -- you don't have to make any statement, and you certainly don't owe them a self-authored letter that they can sign off on and say, "Even basicallybex told us that she understands out position". You are under no obligation to understand or excuse their bigotry -- and make no mistake, that's what this is.

The government, your family, your siblings, and your friends have no business judging your personal life. Invite them, and if they won't come, then they've sent their message. Go on with your wedding and your life.

Sending them an invite explains all of this, without an extra letter. You don't need to explain your relationship to them. Sending the invite shows that you want them there, and puts it on them to be adults.

It's terrible that this is something that you and your FW are having to deal with. But I agree with PPs on this big time. By sending that letter you might as well say "It's okay that you don't support me, my FW or our decision to get married. So, if you don't want to come it's okay." Just send the invite. Your heart is in the right place still by sending that. You don't need to explain yourself, or your decision to marry the person that you love.

First, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Especially from family members. Second, I agree with the others. Your letter has really good intent but, I think you're being far too nice. I also think it could backfire. Just send an invite without any explanation. I think it's enough that you're even inviting them. I'm sure they know that you know how they feel, sending an invitation regardless of that is, I think, sending them the message in your letter, already.

I think just sending an invite would show them that you love them and want them to be there with you. No need to send a letter first asking if they even want it. That's what their RSVP card is for.

@Zoe, as you are a therapist I feel like your training in diversity and cultural competency would help you recognize the importance of not condoning or reinforcing the ignorant beliefs of others.

Just chiming in to echo what everyone has already said. No, you should NOT have to explain yourself. But I congratulate you on being a big enough person to be understanding of their views, however bigoted and wrong they may be. Congratulations on your engagement!!

Why do you feel like you need to win them over and ask them to come? Their hate is their problem

You don't owe them explanations. Just invite them and if they say no then that's that. They're the ones missing out.

Come back OP!

Having been in the same exact situation, we just invited them. We didn't poke the bear, so to speak. My grandmother was very odd about the whole situation; she LOVES my FW but when i told her we were getting married was silent. Instead of trying to figure out what she was going through or thinking, I let her deal with it on her own. We mailed the invites and haven't received the RSVP back yet, but she attended my shower. At the end of the day, it their loss for missing the wedding if they choose not to come. I know I'll enjoy my day and they'll be the ones with regrets.

I am in the same situation! My FW and I have been together for 6 years and have two sons. Neither of our families approve. We are going to send invitations to those that have not already outright disapproved. My mom isn't coming. I plan to write her a letter the week before giving it one last attempt.

I agree with pp, send the invites with no letter. You don't have to explain your love to anyone. If they decide not to come, that's on them.

I agree not to send the letter, but killing them with kindness and sending an invitation is the right idea.....I can't stand a bigoted shit. I hope they pull their heads out of the mud. You deserve to be happy.