Genuine question about drink tickets/cash bar

I should add too, I have talked these things over with a few guests/BP members (not in terms of MY wedding, just general chit chat about weddings) and they all looked at me like I was crazy. No one has ever heard of these other options, and all had said they'd much prefer the option to pay to keep drinking and the option to drink whatever they choose. So there definitely had to be a regional/cultural thing going on here!

A timed bar is better than a $ cap bar, in my opinion. It gives a cut and dry time people know alcohol will be served. Drink tickets allow an equal amount of covered drinks per person, makes it more even.

We are doing an after party, but our ceremony and reception are in the afternoon so that's why we are going out at night.

Limited beer and wine is one of the options I mentioned. A limited bar excludes guests who can't drink/don't like those options - can you explain why you feel that's okay, but it's not okay to offer X amounts of drinks and then cash?

As someone who doesn't drink beer and can't drink wine - I'd MUCH rather foot some of the costs than not have anything to choose from at all.

A wedding is a hosted event in which guests are provided for - they should not have to pay for anything or be given the option of paying for anything. As the host, you decide what you are serving and do the best you can to provide options that everyone may enjoy. MOST people enjoy beer and wine and it IS an acceptable bar offering. YOU as a guest cannot get everything you want at an event that someone else is hosting. If you don't like the alcohol choices, then you don't have them. Part of being a good guest is not whining about the choices the host is offering.

What if you didn't like the chicken that was being served and would rather pay for a steak? Should you be able to hand over an extra $30 for a steak since the hosts weren't offering it? What about guests who didn't bring $30 for steak? Is that fair? It is the same thing.

I'm with you Munkos, I don't understand all these options that people are doing here. Until WW I thought bars were either open or cash. Both of which I'm fine with, I've been to family weddings that have had both.

I think it's best if you just do what works best for you and don't try to understand what others are doing. A post like this is going to stir the pot whether you want to or not and I can forsee alot of drama coming up.

Also a "toonie bar" ($2 per drink) is a cash bar. It may be less than a typical drink, but you are still requiring guests to subsidize their beverages, which you should be hosting.

I confess, I'm no expert, but the ticket system seems fine to me-- you're providing the food and drink you can afford, guests are free to get more if they want-- I've never heard of it, but it sounds perfect.

I hate the thought of a ticket system because it's something you have to keep track of during the night. Female guests will likely not all have pockets so you have to go to your table to grab your purse or carry it in your hand the whole time. Can you limit the open bar to well drinks only and avoid top shelf to help cut costs? Or maybe just have a few signature options like rum or vodka - not everything?

I have been a bartender at many different weddings. I have never seen the ticket stub used for a wedding, but have for office parties, etc. The people who want to drink, will just pay for their extra drinks (no big deal) and others will just use their tickets and be fine. Everyone usually understands the concept. Capped bars usually do not go over so well with guests (from a bartenders point of view). After they have had free drinks all night, they don't get why now they don't get free drinks anymore. Timed bars usually work out best IMO and I think they are pretty common for weddings. But if you want to do the ticket to save money, I think you should. If you give 2 or 3 tickets per person, the people who don't drink can give their tickets to the drinkers, and everyone is happy. There are so many rules and regulations on etiquette that are not followed nowadays. This is not a common world we live in. Do what you want and what is best for your budget. Your guests will understand.

I think a lot of it has to do with your area. I know every wedding I have been to have either not had a bar at all or it was a cash bar. The last wedding I went to was a cash bar and even the bride and groom had to pay for their drinks and no one complained about it. It really depends on your group.

The biggest thing is to know your crowd. We had beer, wine and pop only. So many people take advantage of an open bar. If I would have offered hard liquor people would have drank it because it was there. By only offering the limited choices people were drinking what was offered. However, I also knew that 2 of my Aunts did not drink wine or beer. We offered to pay for their drinks very quietly but they declined and guess what, they drank wine. Again just know your crowd and traditions and it will be fine.

For the record, not asking about my own personal wedding. We already have ours all organized and paid for.

Just genuinely asking about what the differences are for others since I've noticed things are done much differently (in a lot of ways!) than they are here. It's nice to hear a bartenders in put though!

I think maybe a difference might also be alcohol costs? At my venue and most others, a glass of wine is twice the price of local beer and bottom shelf liquor. So here it would be MUCH more expensive to do beer and wine only VS doing beer and hard alcohol. That's probably why I have never heard of a limited bar and it would make no sense here (unless you're able to provide your own alcohol, then wine would be a cheaper option).

My head is spinning from the options you're suggesting.

Do one or the other, open bar or cash bar. Tickets are a little ridiculous in my opinion, and I really don't even drink. I've even heard of some brides doing "wrist bands" or whatever for the drinkers like you're at an outdoor concert or something.

Do an open bar with a limited selection. Typically, you have 1-3 options in the beer and wine categories.

We, personally, had 3 choices of beer (Michelobe Ultra, Miller Light, and Yuengling). Then we had 3 wine options (Merlot - red wine, Sauv. Blanc, and Moscato - white/sparkling). My husband and his GM bought SOME vodka, whiskey, and did a signature drink along with chasers (fruit juices).

Everyone had a blast, and there was plenty of wine left over. Most stores (Trader Joes) will let you return un-opened bottles for a refund. All in all, our alcohol costs were about $1500.

As Emily said, you are hosting a meal for your guests. It is YOUR job to pay for their food and beverages. Guests should never have to open their wallets at your wedding. If all you can afford is beer, wine and soda, that's fine. If all you can afford is soda and iced tea, that's fine too. Alcohol is not a requirement, and neither is it a requirement to provide ALL forms of alcohol. But it is a breach of etiquette to make your guests pay for anything at a wedding.

Again not asking about my wedding - just noting the options I have seen other brides doing

It's interesting to see the different mindsets/thoughts/etc. I know here guests would be upset if they were limited or cut off after a certain amount of time, it's just unheard of. I don't necessarily think one is better than the other, it obviously depends on where you're from and your guest lists, type of wedding etc.

The job of the host is to provide what they can afford and wish to offer without asking a guest to open their wallet.

The job of the guest is to enjoy what is offered.

So, a cash bar means the host is not hosting what they can afford and asking a guest to open their wallet.

A beer/wine/soda only open bar is fine, even if the guest doesn't like beer, wine, or soda, because the host is not under any obligation to meet each individual guests alcohol/food/beverage prefence. This is the same as a host offering chicken and steak for dinner. What if I don't like either of those? I shut up and accept my meal and eat what I can/side dishes. The guest is under no obligation to consumer the wine/beer/soda.

Bottom line: the problem is guests paying for anything. That's the host's job.

It's a total regional thing. Bible Belt, Mid-Atlantic, Canada, West Coast-they're all different when it comes to what's "normal" or "expected." Any guest with manners isn't going to whine about what you do or don't have available, provided they know ahead of time. I've been to plenty of weddings with plenty of bar setups (total cash bar due to religious reasons, tickets, limited, timed and full service). As a guest I have never once complained, either at the wedding or after. To do so is extremely rude and reflects poorly on that guest. Not all weddings are created equal-you've got to weigh out the options and pick the one best for you. Regardless of what you choose, the sun will still rise tomorrow and Emily Post and her minions won't hunt you down-they'll be too busy looking for people with a gap of more than 35 seconds. For the record. We have a full, open bar for the reasons you mentioned, i.e. FH can't drink wine or beer.

Guests shouldn't be opening their wallet at a hosted event, is really the bottom line. That said, on the scale of offensiveness to SunshineJenn, cashbars are at the bottom. I'll die on the battlefield for plus ones, but I don't really give a shit about cash bars, just tell me in advance so I know to bring money.

Cash bar, drink tickets, and limited the drinks are all fine. Everyone is different and every crowd is different. You wont be a bad host of u do any of those things. The best thing to do is know the crowd of ppl. Dont everyone get offended. U dont have to have alchol for your guest to get drunk. I have known wedding to not have alchol. I have known weddings that have cash bar. Also known some that will have a limit. Some with just beer and wine and still a limit. Beer can get ppl drunk just like alchol can if they drink enough of it.

Just my opinion

Honestly I think that is something you have to know your crowd for. I don't think there is anything wrong with a cash bar but a lot of people do so I would never consider it. If you're annoyed someone doesn't have your favorite kind of alcohol at their wedding you probably aren't there for the right reasons anyway.