Get married sooner? Should we?

If you are truly strong about wanting to be married before moving in, then do so. If it is not a big strong preference of when you get married, then wait until you have the money saved up. I would say do what you feel more strongly about.

I def want the celebration next April. I want to keep all of that intact, but I really feel the need to show the children how we believe.....

In this economy, I think it would be near impossible to try to keep up with three homes!! And think of all the time you would save commuting back and forth if you lived together.... seems practical to me! Many ladies here have gotten married at the courthouse with a family lunch/dinner after, then planned a renewal after. You can still keep the wedding you are planning, just call it the renewal. It is something to think about!! If I were in your shoes, I'd do it.

I'm ordained, and the Carriage House is always open. lol.

Oh July! YOu just opened yourself up there! HAHA!!!

Between 1 mortgage and 2 rent payments, we poop out $2500+ just in payments, not including the care of 4 children, food, gas, utilities....It's awful!

I think I'm going to have a serious sit down with FH tonight and see what he thinks.

I'd talk to him about it. I assume he knows your stance on living together before marriage right? So this would just be reminding him about that. I also don't think it's a bad thing to go get the 'paperwork' in order and having your marriage declared legal now by going to a JOP and then having the 'wedding' later. Unique did that for hers.

I think a dozen or so girls have done it, it's practical! Think of this: all that money you will be saving can go towards the big wedding later! And I am serious, I'm ordained, never used it but I am also a professional writer (well, have had one book published, that counts, right?) so think about it! And you said you loved the Carriage House..... it could work!

Oh girl, I DO love the carriage house!!

Ok, that's it! I'm talking to him about it tonight...

I'm just worried that it will take away the excitement of the actual day in April...has anyone experienced that?

Bella, you have a point...we know the kids see the commitment. I don't know what my hang-up is really. I KNOW we will be able to save a TON of $$ like July said! But at the same time, I need to practice what I preach...oh heckfire...I'm so torn!

Oh, FH just texted me back. I told him we needed some quiet time so we could discuss something....he said, "Lunch"? Ok, so I guess I will know in the next 30 minutes! lol

Oh, oh, yea!!! If you just do the courthouse route, and want a mini celebration at the carriage house, let me know!!! I have some very strong connections there and can pull some strings to make things a little easier. I'm not sure how much of a discount I could get you, but it couldn't hurt to ask. And then they have those carriage rides, they are so amazing! We did one, just down Fallbrook to the racetrack and back, but it was a lot of fun.

Here I am, planning your wedding, lol.

I personally feel like if you feel strongly about not doing it...DON'T! I have lived with my fiance for 9 years...been with him for 13 years. Sometimes I wish I followed my 1st mind and waited until I got married to move in with him.

Don't do it if you have ANY DOUBTS!!!!! This economy won't slack up on you because you are overloaded in bills!!

Good luck FMC! Make sure you tell FH exactly what your fears are, from not practicing what you preach to feeling like it might 'waterdown' the real wedding. Talk it over with him! See what he says!

@FutureMrs.Cooper, I can attest that it will take nothing away. DH and I were married on June 18 of last year and we're having our renewal/actual wedding this year. I don't think that it'll take away from it at all. Actually, its a little calmer because at least I know that we're already married! I say go for it..

You know I take a little of that back. If you all are straight forward and hold to your plans then go ahead...because its going to be hard to plan a wedding and take care of 3 homes. But don't let what you all have planned get put on hold. Stick to your guns!!!

I wish you the best in whatever decision you make!

This might be a little late. Good luck! Waiting to hear what happens!

I was also raised that you don't live together before your married. I know some people will probably look down on your for living together, but its not their life its YOURS! I had a child before I was married, which I never thought would happen but it did, and I accepted it and didn't care what anyone thought. Considering that you are already engaged, I think its situations like that to where there's an exception the way I see it. Your engaged for a reason, because you want to be married and spend the rest of your life with FH. So in a situation like yours if you want to live together then live together, especiall since the financial aspect of keeping up multiple homes concerns you. You can always go ahead with the legal part and get married at the courthouse (so no one can through it up in your face) but still keep planning for your original date and still have your wedding.

Sooooooooooo? How did the talk go? Seriously, if you do decide to go ahead and tie the knot now and need help, let me know! I'd love to help and am in DESPERATE need of a project!!

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you take.

FH and I are considering making things legal a few months in advance so I can get all the paperwork out of the way, we really have no major bills that we need reduced or plan to move together. We just want to get all the paperwork out of the way to make things easier. I feel the same as you, I keep thinking if I go through with it, I'm not going to want the wedding anymore or I won't be as excited as I'd be if we are already married. I talked to FH about it since it was his idea, he said it wouldn't feel that way for him and it's fine whatever I decide to do, he's okay. So, I'm waiting till after we do the marriage couseling to decide.

Good luck.

I feel for you Mrs. Cooper, and understand your reasons for not wanting to live together before marriage. However, it would be in the best interest of your newly blended family to live together and adjust to life as one unit. If you involve the kids in your wedding planning and make them a part of this experience with you, you are certainly practicing what you preach and it will bring everyone closer because they had a hand a hand in the planning and will witness everyday the love you share. Nothing can take that away from you if you wait a year.

My best.

I say always stand up for what you feel strongly about. If you don't fight for that, then what is worth fighting for? You could have a very private and even secret civil ceremony. I have known others to do this. Only those immediately involved have to know and then go on with the wedding in April. If it's a matter of the legalities and setting a good example then like you said, practice what you preach. Many couples marry secretly first due to the reason you are talking about which is in a nutshell finances, insurance or someone is being shipped off in the military and they want to have the legalities/insurance etc in place "in case" but then have the wedding later. There are ways to handle this and only you know how that is best for yourself and your guy. Things come up. Heck, look at Meghan's situation. Life sucks sometimes and forces us to make decisions that we don't want to but things can work, especially if we want them to. Best wishes for you!