Getting Asked if You’re Having Kids

OK, first of all, you need to change your mindset that choosing not to have children is “selfish”. This is an idea society places on women, as if being born with a uterus means you are somehow automatically obligated to procreate. 🙄
Recognizing that motherhood is not your desire and that children do not fit into your life plan is not being selfish, it is being responsible. What is truly selfish is women who have children they don’t want out of feelings of obligation. Or people who choose to have children that they cannot (or just do not) properly care for. Recognizing that you are not cut out for motherhood (whatever the reasoning) and thus choosing not to bring a child into that situation is commendable 👏🏻👏🏻 So please be kinder to yourself and give yourself a pat on the back for making mature, sound decisions 💕
luckily, no one has really asked us if we plan to have children (which we do not). But if asked, I will simply tell them we already have children - 2 beautiful fur babies. And that our lives and hearts are full with the little family we have already created. Either that, or I will simply sidestep the conversation by saying “we JUST got married, we aren’t even thinking of children”.

I got this question a lot in the days surrounding my wedding. And I still sometimes get asked this directly, and/or people hint at it. I used to find it annoying, but now I just give a reply and move on. My husband and I do not intend to have kids, so my response is either along the lines of, "When we adopt another cat/dog, we'll let you know!", or just, "Kids aren't in our future plans." End of sentence. No one needs to know why you don't want kids unless you decide to share that info with them. For what it's worth, I've gotten asked that question a lot less frequently now that the wedding is over.


Also, I think Cece phrased it perfectly: it is not selfish to not want to have kids!

View Quoted Comment Awww thank you. You’re right. I need to change that mindset. I personally think it’s the responsible for my fiancé and I to do. We are very happy with our fur babies It may also just be a cultural difference. I asked my SIL this same question and she said she got bombarded by this question quite a bit on their wedding day and then even worse when she went back to the Philippines recently this year. To the point, that she got absolutely annoyed and pissed That’s really what I’m kinda worried is going to happen that it will just end up being a nagging question the whole night probably more expected from my side of the family…

My FIL made a comment at the end of his speech at the rehearsal dinner about wanting us “to have lots of kids” which made me super comfortable. Still trying to get over that, but luckily we had other wonderful speeches by my parents, my sister, and my husband’s best friend that I think about those whenever the bad memory comes up. Other than that, only my husband (oddly) was the one asked about that on our actual wedding day. No one badgered me about it.



My in-laws have of course brought it up again. We are on the fence about it, sort of leaning toward no at this point in time, and have had to side-step it by saying “we JUST got married. We aren’t thinking about that right now…” If they ask again, we are going to start saying “that’s a private matter between us and we prefer to not talk about it with others.”

It’s unfortunately something that people STILL don’t know how to respect boundaries about 🙃 so it’s all about vocally drawing that boundary with them and letting them know that it’s not an open discussion with you.

We get this question from time to time. The main culprit is my now SIL who actually tells us that we SHOULD have kids so her kids can have cousins. This is coming from a person who is more of a friend to her kids rather than a mother. I’ve been polite about it, but it’s getting really old and I’m going to snap back soon.
We do not want kids and it’s none of anyone’s business.

I’m also a TD1! We got married one month ago and not one person asked. But, we broke the news to both parents way before the wedding…so that might have helped. Congrats!!

View Quoted Comment If it’s a cultural thing that you think will come up from your side of the family, could your parents maybe speak to their siblings (your aunts/uncles) ahead of time so that this topic would not get brought up?

Or you could just include it in your thank you speech to your guests first thing at the reception. “Hey thanks for coming, and so we don’t have to field this question again tonight, no we are not having children. Enjoy your steak.” 😆

As someone who is child free, has a SIL pregnant, and has a wedding coming up I still get asked this question. Just tell everyone your sex life is not up for discussion at a time like this.


Also choosing to not have children and bring them into this world is not selfish. You know not to bring a child into a place where there's no room. That's smart not selfish!

We got asked how soon we wanted children because everyone knew we wanted children and that we were planning on trying to conceive rather quickly. The best man also mentioned that we thought we'd make wonderful parents in his speech. Unfortunately, I think it's just a question a lot of people ask not realizing that maybe not everyone wants or can have children. We struggled for a year until I got pregnant so I hated when people asked if we were having them during that year. But like others have said if you don't want children don't feel you are being selfish. I think it's great self awareness that children aren't something you want rather than pretending you want them or giving into pressure to have to them when you don't really want them at all.

We got married within about 4 months of getting engaged and low and behold a rumour has started going around that I'm pregnant. Rude!

Honestly, nobody should be assuming that anybody is going to be having children. Plenty of people decide not to for various reasons, and some people can't/are having problems falling pregnant. Seems bizarre to me that people still make these assumptions in this day and age!

The previous posters are absolutely right though, don't view yourself as selfish (or anything other negative connotation!) because you don't want to have children. Be proud of the decision you've made because its right for you both

View Quoted Comment

Yet again, I so sooo agree with Cece! I really admire people who decide not to have kids (for whatever reason - it truly doesn't matter, and it's no one's business besides the couple's). I admire them because I've seen people who've had kids and then came to the realizations that the OP came to (or even had kids despite the realizations). I think society (clearly, as this post indicates) puts so much pressure on people to have kids...and I don't think it's justified. I do think that people mean well when they ask "when are y'all having kids?!" because 99% of the time they themselves have kids, and they think what made them happy will make the other person happy too. But I've seen people who have kids that don't really seem to enjoy them...and seem to resent them for taking away their carefree lifestyle...and I feel bad for those kids. So OP, you are not selfish - you are just plain smart and self-aware, and I applaud you! Congratulations on your wedding, and I hope y'all have a fantastic time this weekend!!

I get asked and the idea is still up and the air. But I can barely can take care of myself as being autistic and both my husband and father are bi-polar so that does raises some concerns.

View Quoted Comment If I get asked more than once during our welcome bbq, I’m 100% making this announcement.

View Quoted Comment This the same sister in law who thinks the whole word begins and ends with her?

Just gotta chime in to restate like everyone else has - not wanting to have children isn't selfish. Not even a little bit. And this is coming from someone who wants kids! I hope that our timeline plans work out, but that's just it... just because kids are right for my FH and I, doesn't mean they are right for everyone! And as a former nanny - don't have kids if you don't actually want them!

The only times I ever look at someone and think "wow. selfish" regarding the kid situation is people who had kids just to have them, but don't actively parent them or care. My mom was an elementary school teacher for decades and she could always tell the people who maybe should have had a second thought before having kids. Its not for everyone! Kids are a LOT of work, a LOT of money, and a big change in life!

I despise when anyone asks personal questions - when are you two getting married? When are you going to have kids? and even from my single days - When are you going to find someone special/seeing anyone special these days? If I have news, I'll let you know and until then, shut it.

I think making it into a humorous statement at the reception may be a great way to go with it. Especially if you're worried you'll be asked a bunch. "Thanks so much for coming, we hope you all have a fantastic time! For those asking about kids - that's gonna be a no from me, dawg. Don't forget to tip your bartenders! L'chaim!"

Above all, don't let any questions like that mar the day for you!

View Quoted Comment Haha I love that. I might really do that at the beginning of the Welcome BBQ, but I also told my mom if there are aunts and uncles who she thinks would ask these type of questions, please tell them not to. I’m just dreading it because it’s a very Filipino cultural thing to do. They don’t have boundaries when it comes to personal questions like these. My SIL said she was very annoyed with the constant nagging question on her wedding day. She has much better restraint than I do so I’m afraid I’ll say something mean if I keep getting nagged lol.

Oh man people are so rude sometimes, I hate this question and this has become my go to answer

• Can I get back to you? How soon do you need to know?

or you could always be extra cheeky

• As soon as I figure out how. Got any suggestions?

But in all seriousness its nobody's business and there's nothing wrong in telling someone that to mind their own beeswax. If someone asked me that at my wedding I d just say can I enjoy my wedding first please.

Good luck!

Honestly only one or two people asked us yesterday. We personally just aren’t sure so I just said we weren’t sure 🤷🏻‍♀️ no one pushed it

View Quoted Comment Ahh I probably should have edited my post and say I’m Filipino and culturally, it’s just something people ask you constantly but especially on your wedding day.