Getting Married Ahead of the Wedding - Pros/ Cons?

Can your friend not get or do whatever is needed for him/her to be able to officially marry you? If not, this seems ok since you’d do the courthouse wedding close to the wedding date. I think where people run into issues is if you’re hiring an officiant some of them are not comfortable pretending to marry you as they feel that is misleading to guests.

I'm not sure what state you're in but our sate (Virginia) will allow people to be approved for one day to marry one couple in one specific city. That might be a possibility for you. I also showed up at the hotel room of an acquaintance the day of their wedding to sign the license so their close friend could perform the ceremony but they were legally married on the day.

If I were you I’d do the “official” marriage the day or two AFTER your “wedding” rather than before. I do think it would detract from the wedding (for you especially, but also your guests) to know you’re already married. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making it official and signing the paperwork AFTER

We’re running into the same problem in PA. We’ll just have our papers legally done in NJ (my father can officiate in NJ) and then having the ceremony in PA.

I feel like everyone on here is always saying that you have to tell guests this... but it’s like... EVERYONE has to get their marriage license at some point and many do it beforehand anyway so guests already know this so why do you need to make such a big deal about it? You don’t. It’s your day, your business if you want to or need to get married in another state or a bit early.

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Lol yea - I'm not concerned on like "tricking" the guests. I've seen that and think it's a bit nutty - I wouldn't care if someone had a ceremony 5 years later, it's whatever floats your boat.

I think I'm wondering if I'm going to have to remember the other date for forms, etc. Meh - I'm sure it'll all work out. Congrats!

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So you might get where I'm coming from. I'm in VA as well, but where we're getting married (Winchester, VA -- Frederick County) does not allow for one day civil celebrants that don't reside in VA. My friend resides in DC, and apparently according to the clerk he wouldn't be eligible to perform the ceremony. The person has to be a religious person (pastor, etc.) who practices, or the civil ceremony person list is like 30 people long and specifically on the County Clerk's site.

Kind of a weird one. If you know a way around it or live around there, let me know! LOL

We did something like this. We had a civil ceremony this month and church ceremony will be next year. For us, our church doesn’t recognize our civil marriage so it’s like we get to get married all over again. All we need is some extra paperwork or a stamp or something. Haven’t crossed that bridge yet so I’m still learning but it’s not too complicated. I made sure it wouldn’t be too much work before we actually got married

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Congrats!

Man with a different year I would think that might complicate it - wouldn't you have to file jointly/ do all the married pieces this year? Since the govt/ insurance and such would consider you married right now.
That's part of the reason we didn't get married now - I'm trying to get another tax year to practice what the heck is going to happen and get all the paper pieces ready. LOL That's my CPA brain.

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The outside of VA thing is real. The unconstitutional BS they are trying to feed you about forcing you to have a religious ceremony is what boils me. There are officiants that are ordained and licensed, like myself, that will perform civil ceremonies. I am about to do one this evening. I could go on and on about the nonsense in this state when it comes to weddings. If you can't find someone to sign your license, let me know. I might be able to at least offer names.

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Sorry I may have typed it in a weird way. The site for Winchester simply has a very short list of people licensed to perform a civil ceremony (like a one page pdf) so I didn't like how unclear it was. The Clerk didn't try to influence our ceremony, he just let me know the two buckets and that my friend being from DC is an issue.
We'll figure it out - maybe we'll take the path you noted about trying to have someone sign on the morning of and that'll clear the path for the ceremony.

Thanks!

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Good luck to you in your quest.

Honestly I don't see any con to it aha. People have weddings later on all the time.

View Quoted Comment Thank you I’ve actually already been on his insurance since before we were engaged. We filed as domestic partners so literally the only change is checking a different box the next time enrollment season comes around. As for taxes, we will file married but separate. If we get a better return then we will file together but we shall see. It honestly doesn’t complicate too much.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this! Your day, your business! Even if you are already technically legally married, you can have a ceremony involving your family and friends and a reception after. That’s what we are doing. Is it a secret that we are already married? No. But we also aren’t going out of the way to announce to the world that we are married. The closest people to us already know and respect our decision

We’re doing this so we can have my uncle from a North Carolina do our ceremony without paying 556 dollars or whatever ridiculous amount VA wants to charge for someone to get their officiant for the day license. We’re getting legally married on my grandparents 71st wedding anniversary for good luck which is 8 days before our wedding next year. I see nothing wrong with it and don’t feel like I’m tricking anyone. Saves me money, gets me the wedding date we want and no one has to know. Military couples do this all the time and I doubt the wedding ceremony feels any less special. Do what works best for you don’t worry about anyone else!

Yep yep. I think we're set then - asked my friends this morning and he said yes! Lol

I've seen him do public speaking before and he's known us for about the last five years so I think it will be a good fit.

Thank you everyone for your advice, and good luck to those that are getting hitched!

View Quoted Comment Yes!!! People are so condescending about whether or not you have the legal ceremony beforehand as if you're doing it to do deceive your guests. That is never the case!! There are a thousand reasons why you may get legally married before your planned ceremony. You're absolutely right. It's no one else's business. Everyone has to do what's right for their situation and not be judged by people who have no bearing on their lives.

I love that your father will officiate your wedding. That will make it even more special.