Getting married at 19

This is going to sound overly generalized and judgmental, but I would advise you to listen to the people who love you and know you best. I honestly can't think of a single couple who got married that young who are still together or should be. At 19, you may be mature for your age, but that's not the same thing as having life experience and time to know yourself and who you will become as an adult before committing for life. With less than a year together, you are still very much in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. I'd strongly advise you to wait a few more years. What's the rush?

Also, if you have to ask, that tells me something right there.

View Quoted Comment I was just getting other peoples input not necessarily asking and also I think you misread, we’ve been together over a year and been friends longer

I guess I would ask why you're allowing other people's opinions to cause you doubt if you know what you want? Are those people just telling you you can't get married at 19 or are they actually sharing specific concerns? Have you and your FS done any pre-marital counseling? That can help to make sure you're communicating about how you'll handle things in the future that you may not be thinking about now (financial decisions, kids, boundaries with family members, etc).

Being together for a year (or over or whatever) at age 19 is barely a drop in the ocean. Your 20s is a time you will experience a lot of change and growth in who you are and your interests. As a couple, it can take up to three years before you fully understand each other, truly have a groundbreaking fight. If people close to you are saying you're too young, I guarantee it's because they see your relationship has no experience yet and don't want you to be tied down legally when statistically you're more likely to get a divorce in a few years than people who wait until mid-late 20s. I agree with a PP, what's the hurry? If you love your partner, you'll still be together in a few years in an even more stable relationship to seriously consider marriage.


If I married the person I wanted to at 19, I'd be in trouble. I believed I was so mature for my age, too. It took actual maturity and a step back years later to realize that was an abusive relationship and the "love" I felt was me so desperately trying to prove I was mature enough for my slightly older boyfriend.

Wait a few years. Maybe go to university. Get established in your job and live out of your parents house for a few more years. Move in with your partner and really get to know each other during your worst times. If it's meant to be, your partner will still be there and your relationship stronger than ever. If you decide to go your separate ways, there's no messy divorce involved.

View Quoted Comment

"We haven’t been together long,(a year, will be 2 years at time of marriage) but we have been friends beforehand."

You're right. I said less than a year and you said a year and acknowledged it hasn't been long. That's what's known as a distinction without a difference. A year into a relationship is really no time at all at your age. A friendship is a completely different ballgame.

I grew up in a culture where it was very common, and encouraged, to get married shortly after high school. The results are, of course, mixed, but all of them went in positive that they’d met the love of their life and that this was the best thing for their relationship. But even the ones who are still married at some point expressed regrets about opportunities they missed out on because they jumped into being a spouse (and some of them parents) right away. I agree with everyone saying that there’s no rush here, and you can absolutely continue on with a strong and beautiful relationship without the legal commitment for now. You’re both about to go through so many changes as you go your 20s, and those might make you grow closer or apart. Take the time to learn more about each other and yourselves.

Have to agree with others that one goes through so many changes from age 19 to their twenties. Scientifically, our brains do not finish maturing the decision-making areas until about 25ish. There’s also external factors like work and financial independence that begin to shape who you are as an adult. I am very different today in my late twenties than I was at 19. My sense of self has changed, my wants, values, and even personality. If I married the person I was dating at 19 instead of seeing the relationship through a bit longer to discover more about them, I think I would be very unhappy right now.


I’d suggest dating another few years. If you’re still together by then and have adjusted to and deeply love each other for who they’ve become in their mid-twenties, then awesome.

I completely agree with the previous comments. I am a very different person today than when I was 19 (or even in the first half of my 20s). You admit that you haven't been together long. Knowing someone as a friend is different than dating them, and even more different than committing to spending the rest of your life with them. Why rush into marriage right now? I'd recommend spending the next few years still dating, establish a career and/or go to college, save up for a wedding (or a house or a car or any other large expenses you may encounter), and continue to grow and get to know each other. If you're still together a few years down the road, you will be more financially stable, you will have learned a lot more about each other, and you will have more confidence in your relationship. If it doesn't work out over the next few years, you will have saved yourself the hassle (and cost) of a divorce.

I also agree with everyone. Now I’ve known my husband since we were 14. We’ve been together since we were 19. Luckily for us we did really well at learning to grow together and we’re okay with the life changes we’ve both made. I’m 28 and we are both COMPLETELY different people than we were at 19. There are big life things we’ve both changed our minds on and I know many couples that were together at that age that didn’t make it. Because you learn so much about yourself and the world in your 20s. I knew by year 2 that I wanted to marry my husband and he knew he wanted to marry me. We waited until last year though (money, college & just general life stuff) but I’m glad we waited. We’re stronger. Sturdier. We’ve been together almost 9 years and we know each other inside and out in ways we thought we knew each other after a year but it’s only something that can really come with time and experience with your partner

Have you considered a long engagement instead of getting married so soon? My fiancé and I were together for 5 years when we got engaged and even *we* are waiting 3 years until getting married. It takes a lot of pressure off planning and then that way you know you’re not rushing into anything, a lot can happen in a few years. When you’re that young you just don’t know what’s coming next or how you’ll feel about things even a year from now, and as others have said if your fiancé truly loves you she’ll still be there and you guys will have grown together! There’s no rush.

What is the rush? I highly suggest having a long engagement. You are way too young and inexperienced in life.

I agree, a long engagement might be the way to go in this case. I'd wait at least five years.

I was 18 and my husband was 19 when we got married. Although we have been married for 29 years now, DO NOT DO IT. It is HARD, very hard. You change, your partner changes, you have to grow up really fast, and there really is no rush. We almost called it quits a few times, and thankfully we are both too stubborn to fail. Only in the last 10 years or so it has been fairly smooth sailing, but getting there was a lot of tears, heartache, and challenges. Money, careers, where to live, kids, etc are all talks to have. Just wait, there really is no rush. Trust me.

I think every person should live on their own before they couple. You have to learn how to make decisions for yourself and sit with your own company. Independence and agency are rarely exercised at 19, legally and financially. Instead, I also suggest a long engagement filled with developing your own interests. You don't want to go into a legal partnership already conceding your voice and agency because you never developed them.

View Quoted Comment I do live with her

View Quoted Comment I guess than I'd have to ask, was it for financial reasons? If so, then I'd say you want to have someone in your life for more than survival. Plus, I've rarely seen adults stay together when their initial motive for moving in is to save money.


Anyway, my prior post was a bit abstract. So I'm the 40+ age Bride. I actually met my husband when we were 20 or 21. We ignored each other. 17 years later we meet again at our mutual friend's wedding in another country and became friends (first). I don't believe our love story is fate, or kismet, or meant-to-be. I think we're together because we like the person the other developed into. I mean 2 decades is a lot of living and independent choices-- it does shape you. My husband and I are confident we made the right choice at the right time of our lives. Though compromise can be tiring, we'd rather thrive together even when we know we could survive on our own.

Girl. Take it from someone who married young as well (and that didn't work out), just wait. Be young. Travel together, just enjoy being young and doing things now, because marriage can wait. Moreover, what you might enjoy right now, you might not enjoy later and you won't know until you get older. You both have a lot of living to do, and you can certainly do that with each other. The other concerning thing is how long you've been with each other. One year is simply not long enough.

I am in agreement with the previous responses, but have a bit of a different experience. I agree that you need to take your time and really think about your future goals outside of the relationship, but I do believe you can marry someone you have met at 19. However, not when you are 19. When I was 19 I met my now fiance and I could not imagine getting married to him when I was 19. I had so much to do and needed to grow as a person. He also was just establishing his life and figuring out what he wanted to do next. We dated for about three years before moving into together and are now getting married 7 years later. I'm grateful we took the time to get to know each other and gave each other the opportunity to grow both together and independently before tying the knot. Everyone tells us that we are basically married because we have been together for so long and that is true, we have a routine and an established and secure life and we adopted a cat, but I could never have even thought about marriage at 19. Take your time whether that is a long engagement or taking a break, but personally there is no reason to rush unless for medical or financial reasons. Either way I feel if you need to ask then you need to reevaluate the situation and understand why you have the need to ask others for their opinions. Good luck with whatever you do!