Getting married before the ceremony

As others have said, if there is a compelling reason to have a wedding *soon*, such as deployment of one or both participants, serious illness of a loved one, etc., then I'm fine with the whole 'married before the wedding deal.' If not, I have to tell you, I would not fly 3,000 for a vow renewal just cause the couple wanted to save money or shack up with less stink-eye from relatives. Whatever you do, do NOT get married and then lie to your guests about what the party they are attending is. If I was invited to a wedding and later found out it was a vow renewal, I'd be annoyed. It's totally irrational, I know, but there it is.

It doesn't make any sense.

Nursing paperwork is not that much work. Changing your name with the board of nursing is not difficult. We are getting married in Jamaica and won't get our marriage license 3-6 months (is what we were given as an estimate). I would have no issue getting married in an intimate courthouse wedding, but that would be my wedding, not just a paper signing. I want our wedding to be the day we exchange vows, even if it means waiting a few months to officially have our marriage license. Also, I couldn't ask all our guests to spend a bunch of money coming to Jamaica for a symbolic wedding. Just have a small intimate wedding and do what you can afford now.

A couple of my friends got married at the courthouse for tax purposes and medical insurance reasons. They still had a ceremony where they said vows and then a reception. It doesn't bother me. I would be sad to not see them say vows even if it is technically the second time.

I have a military couple as close friends and they got married legally for the many benefits of marriage within the military they have said to me many times how they love their decision because they were able to have a more intimate "ceremony" at the courthouse with themselves and they only told immediate family

Getting married and not telling your guests when you invite them to come is rude AF. Do it if you want to, but tell your guests before they spend a small fortune to come.

Go for it! I just had friends who did the same thing. They had a rushed small wedding in Jan '14 because the groom's father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had a larger wedding this October that was lovely. And no one cared that they were already legally married! You do you!

As 4 me I thought bout it. So we r considering it. But as 4 U & FH do it bc that what both of u truly want 2 do (not 2 jus live together). U do have option 2 tell ur parents (also BP). But also be aware of back slash if u decide 2 let wedding guest kno after WD. So keep everything mind b4 doing that option. Congrats!

ETA: I think Kiesha S. & POLLY E. has a point it's ur day. If this what U & FH wants then do it. Best of Luck:-)

We are doing a very small immediate family ceremony this April in Washington because my father cannot travel to the planned wedding in Missouri in 2018. Everyone invited to the shindig is aware that we will be legally married for a little over a year before the reception, but they are all local to the reception, and are down for any reason to have a party. The key to it is honesty - most folks are pretty understanding as long as you are honest with them.

Getting married and keeping it a secret is very deceitful to your guests in my opinion. I would not be thrilled to show up for a wedding only to find our the couple had been secretly married beforehand. That actually would be a relationship ender.

I would likely still come to a renewal if you were already married but be honest about it. I'm not going to ask if you're legally married, but I am gonna be salty if I find out that you're already married and purposely hid it. People also get hurt feelings if they aren't included. One of my favorite cousins got married and changed her name on Facebook. She didn't tell anyone in the family. We found out she was legally married when she was hospitalized. We would've come to a courthouse wedding, any wedding had we known.

I got married early, in a hospital room in front of my gravely ill father, dress and all. It was 2.5 months early and he passed 4.5 days later. The minister is a dear friends aunt and was more than happy to do it for us on short notice. I had pictures from the wedding at his funeral. Everyone knew when the big day rolled around and nobody cared. I would do it again in a second. That being said, trying to avoid paperwork for changing your nursing license is crazy to me, it was not that bad to change mine. If you do this, please tell your guests. I would be kinda pissed to find out I was deceived because the bride did not want to fill out paperwork.

My sister did this she got married in 2012 and then in 2013 a week after the original date she had a big "wedding." Only close family knew they were already married.

Wow

More of it is mostly about money, and I am reglious so just moving in to me is not ok with me. And with his school they wont let us "just" move in unless we are married. The nursing thing I told was different but hey that a plus with not alot of paperwork. And my ideas I don't thing seen dumb. Thank you for your opinions.

@Tiffany, I understand the whole religious thing. FH and I are religious although we live together. We were spending the night with each other every night so what the heck right? Anyway, FH brother did this. They were living together in secret and when his GF family found out they flipped so they rushed down to the court house and got married with the intentions of having a wedding/reception in the spring. They never did it and she regrets rushing it and wishes she would have waited and done things differently.

If you want to move in with him, and you need to be married to do it, then move your wedding date up.

If your decision to spend money to celebrate with your friends depends on the fact that the license is signed that day, then stay home.

Has anyone who says this matters to them EVER asked to see the license or witness the signing?

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I didn't think so.

Can someone point me to the bible verse against cohabitation?

Celia- I understand your point and you definitely have the experience to back it up. But I personally would never look for a license, etc. because I would never expect that I wasn't attending the actual wedding. The thought wouldn't have occurred to me. This wasn't something I'd really heard of before WW.