Getting married before the ceremony

Absolutely!! People do this all of the time! We did the opposite, we were moving in together because my FH is transferring to a school next year and we wanted to qualify for in state tuition.. But because of our religious backgrounds, we both wanted to be married first, even though we set a date for 6/2/18. So in the bible a wedding is described as two people leaving their homes to come together, bring God into their relationship and living as one, so that's what we did! We got together with our two pastors and said some wedding vows. We did it outside, and you it wasn't even considered a ceremony. We both wore jeans! Lol. No papers or rings, or anything legal.. Just so we are married in God's eyes. It was beautiful and we are so excited to then say those same vows on our wedding day with everyone there, and then celebrate it! Do whatever is right for you and your relationship. That's all that matters!

I say do what you want. I don't understand why people would be hurt about this and even ruin a friendship over it. FH and I are thinking about it for school and money as well. It would literally save us $45,000 minimum which is huge. I don't see why family would not be excited for you and support you. If they don't, then why are they going to the big ceremony anyway? I would be happy if any of my friends or family had a court wedding first if it meant them saving money and then decided to want to celebrate at a later date with everyone. Also people are saying to just move the date up. This isn't realistic, especially if you already have vendors/venues booked. We booked our venue and cannot change the date no matter what.

To me It's weird if you get married at the courthouse and then have the big fancy party later on and don't tell anyone because to me it looks like you threw the party for the money and gifts rather than telling everyone you are already married and just want to celebrate with everyone

Why is living together before you're married such a big deal?

*asking out of genuine curiosity, not being snarky. Seriously, I don't understand this thought process. I get it that to some people, sex before marriage is a no no...but stay in separate rooms till the wedding.

I've officiated quite a few of what I call 're-enactments.' I just change the ceremony wording slightly.

" I did have trouble finding an officiant willing to do a full ceremony when we were already legally married. Two of them said they could do a ceremony but no exchange of rings and no pronouncement of husband and wife."

@FutureMrsB Were they religious officiants? What was their reasoning behind it? Just curious as I may be in the same boat. Thanks!

We thought about doing a courthouse wedding and having a celebration when we could afford to proper host our guest simply bc FH has amazing health insurance and I want in! But we were going skip the ceremony bc we didn't find it necessary to recite vows twice, but when finding out our families want to see and hear the vows we waited.

Personally as a guest I don't think it would bother me if I was only witnessing the part 2 of it.

I'll be honest, we are going to do this. I wanted to get married so my Grandmother could be there but she lives in the UK. We simply do not have time to post notice (in person) and wait TWENTY-EIGHT days in the UK to get legally married there. So we'll get legally married here and have a blessing ceremony etc. with our family/friends. It wasn't my first choice but there was really no way to swing a legal ceremony in the UK. We've been completely honest with everyone though and I think given the multi-national aspect no one sees it as an afront.

Know your guests and you'll be fine.

Personally I don't care at all about when a marriage takes place, technically and "wedding" vs. "vow renewal" vs "celebration" are semantics. No matter what you call it, you are throwing a party in honor of your marriage.

Not everyone is as easy going, though, so if you think they will be angry, maybe they will. Just know your guests and you'll be fine.

ETA: Celia FTW

If you want to do it, then do it, just be honest with your guests and be prepared for a higher decline rate.

I cannot imagine missing a loved one's wedding celebration simply because they were technically married beforehand. I wouldn't even be mad if I went to a wedding and found out later that the couple had already been legally married. People seem to have a lot of feelings about this. If your religion and your FH's religious school prevent you from living together before marriage, and you think the best thing for you both is to get legally married now and have the big wedding and reception later, then power to you. It will be fine. Nobody will die.

I have no problem with this at all. It's completely up to each couple to do what is best for their relationship.

I just wouldn't want to buy a gift (from a registry) for a vow renewal/celebration of marriage/reaffirmation of vows, thats why I am 100% on the honesty train. That would be weird to me.

I don't take "second weddings" nearly as serious as the real thing, so I would like to know in case something else more important comes up. I'm not saying I'd brush your "second wedding" off because of it, but if I was invited to your "second wedding" and then I was also invited to a family birthday party or had a work obligation, I'd chose the family birthday party over your "second wedding."

I don't care either way. If I wasn't there then it didn't happen. HaHa!! Don't keep it a secret or anything because some people care that it's not technically the real wedding. I say go for it. People do it all the time. FH and I even considered going to the court house for tax purposes and then having our "vow renewal" and reception as planned.

I would side-eye it. Please be honest with me, as a guest, and let me know that you have been married for x-amount of time. Don't put on a production for me to get teary-eyed over and think that I am witnessing your "first" ceremony. Tell me it's a vow-renewal and I'll party with you all night long to celebrate your marriage.

ETA: I was witness to a couple having two full-blown weddings. The first was in Niagara Falls, it was immediate family followed by dinner out and drinks. The couple told us all not to let the extended family know that they were already legally married. They then had another full-blown affair in their home state. That situation felt very deceitful to me.

I wouldn't do it unless there is a medical or really good financial reason for doing so. This can really upset friends and/or family and isn't worth it imo

I say do what you want. Either people want to celebrate with you or not. I don't think it's appropriate to call someone's vision or idea "dumb" just because you don't agree. Really?

" I did have trouble finding an officiant willing to do a full ceremony when we were already legally married. Two of them said they could do a ceremony but no exchange of rings and no pronouncement of husband and wife."

I don't 'pronounce' my couples in this situation, I end the ceremony in a different way that frankly, no one notices. I don't get the ring thing.

And there is no scripture to support the notion of NOT living together before marriage. Nor is there scripture, by the way, to ban dancing, drinking, gay relationships or eating fish on Friday.

There is plenty of scripture to support not wearing mixed fabrics and a bunch of other things we prefer to ignore because they are inconvenient.

^Considering most wedding gowns have multiple fabrics, hmm...