Getting married before the ceremony

There you go, OP. Just get married already in God's eyes, so you can go ahead and move in, and keep your wedding date the same and get recognized by the legal/secular system later. Other nurses have said the paperwork isn't crazy hard to do. Boom, problem solved.

There you have it, OP. Two different attitudes towards the issue are pretty apparent. For the folks who don't care, making it clear that you will have been married already won't make any difference one way or the other. For the folks who do care, not making it clear you are already married can cause a pretty negative reaction. Given those facts, why would you choose not to make it clear? What would be the bonus in withholding that information? It's not like this is a situation where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. You don't have to choose which group to offend. Being aboveboard solves all the problems, so why not?

Personally, I wouldn't do this. The second celebration would be a vow renewal, not a wedding as you are already married. And you would have to be honest with your guests. But seeing as you don't live together right now, I'm betting they would already know because you would then move in together after your married. If you're wanting to forgo the big wedding, walking down the aisle, reception etc then do whatever you want. But if you're wanting to skip all of those things because you don't want to fill out paperwork and you want to live together then I think that's a pretty weird reason. I doubt it's anymore paperwork then changing your last name would be. And if you want to live together just do it. You're adult enough to decide that you want to get married, I feel like your adult enough to decide you want to live together. I understand being religious and not living together before you're married. My mom had a fit when FH and I bought a house together before we were even engaged because she doesn't feel that we should be living together. We made that decision on our own though and I'm glad we did. Relationships are tested a lot more when you are living with your SO. You learn so much more about them and there will be loads of things that will drive you up the wall about the other person. Personally, I would live together before you get married, but that's just my opinion.

ETA: I'm not saying skipping the whole wedding thing is weird, at this point I feel like we should have just gone to the courthouse with our family and had a nice dinner after. But if you are going to do that and then have another "wedding" anyways I just feel it's a waste of money.

I'm late to this one but this is what me and FH were thinking about doing. It can make the wedding less stressful because you don't really have to worry about the legality of it, or sending the paperwork off in time etc.

We didn't do it because after we got the license I realized that a good portion of my family wouldn't come to our ceremony since, in their eyes, it wouldn't be my real wedding. And as I have gotten older I'm finding it harder and harder to lie to my friends and family.

Do what is right for you, just keep in mind that IMHO people may not want to show up if it's not the real original deal happening.

We are doing this. Just debating on calling it a "vow renewal" or not. We had to be legally married within 90 days because my fiancé is on his K1. Personally it's your choice and nobody else's.

If you think the paperwork is bad now, wait until you try to change your last name.

A lot of people do this

The only time I have a problem with this is if the couple doesn't tell people they are married and then still has the bridal shower or bachelorette/bachelor parties because you are already married and it seems gift grabby. If you are up front with people they will still probably send you cash after they find out you are married but to not tell them and have them show up and give money seems sneaky and like you just want money. Whatever you do, just be honest with your guests.

Hi there. This is my first time posting, so I hope it's okay to sort of piggy-back on this topic. If not, let me know and I'll start my own thread.

My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years and started wedding planning a few months ago. Our date is set for October 27, 2017. We just met with one of the elders at our church (where we are getting married) on Sunday in order to be approved. We have lived together for the past 2 years and our elder says that we either need to live apart until the wedding or have a private wedding with our Pastor so we are still able to live together before our October ceremony. I've seen a lot of different discussions about being married prior to having your ceremony but none specifically like ours and I'm hoping for since feedback from you all! Thanks in advance.

Me and my FH did it. We're close with our Pastor and we didn't lie about our living conditions. We recently bought a house and he wouldn't "marry" us unless we went through a legal marriage. I don't see us actually married right now it's just tax and legal documents we are. I am religious and I feel that being married under God and having the ceremony is the proper approach to marriage. I'm old school , but we told our parents and our MOH & BM. But no one else. Cause my family would feel like the majority of others, say wtf! Why is there a wedding then! This issue should be between the 2 of you and the person marrying you. Marriage and the government were not always put into the same pool.

View Quoted Comment I agree the issue is between the people involved right up until they have one guest who doesn't know this is a reenactment. Tell the truth period.

Me and my fiancé are doing this. I’m still calling it a wedding. Whether other people feel the same or not. It is still my wedding. If they don’t want to come then that’s fine by me. I know me and my family would enjoy. We are paying for them anyways at the reception. The less guest means the less money I have to spend. Do what makes you happy.

View Quoted Comment When doing this, did your husband wear his ring still? Did you wear your band? Also, how did you go about with your last name?

I know a few who have done this. All of them because they needed to get on their spouse's healthcare coverage before their wedding date for medical issues.

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! Exactly. FH and I are considering this as well for the same reason! If family and friends can’t understand that then do they even love and respect you? Forget them. They weren’t there for you in the first place then if they want to be offended and cry over it. Good riddance. We’d fly to wherever, whenever (even if it’s hard to schedule and pay for) because we’re there for them!! I’m literally flying across the country (6 hour flight each way basically) to NYC this weekend to be there for my best friend’s wedding and coming home all within 36 hours! You do what you can to support those you love. If I found out they were married before? So what? It’s their business and I’m there to support and be happy for them.

We had strong feelings about it but we decided to do what’s best for us. I’m still calling it my wedding day. None of my guest said anything about it. I’m happy to celebrate my union. We get the wedding we didn’t get to have. My cousin even throwing a bachelorette party for me. It’s nice knowing how much people I have in my life that cares.

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Thank you. I totally agree. The couple should do whatever is best for THEM.

Some people do not live together before marriage for religious reasons. My fiance and I do not live together currently because we do not believe in living together before marriage. But we do have our house and everything set up and have considered getting married sooner so we could go ahead and move in rather than waiting until the ceremony day and having an empty house just sitting there waiting.

What would you say instead where people don't notice? Why would it not be ok to "pronounce" if the couple views this as their wedding date? Could you say "Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. and Mrs..."?

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Hi Celia, I am curious what language you use instead? Perhaps "Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. and Mrs...."