Getting married on the DL and having a ceremony later - Need advice

@MNA- you would literally end a friendship over finding out that a wedding was actually a vow renewal. That seems a little harsh. Why would you even take it personally? It has nothing to do with you.

OP- Just don't keep it a secret. If anyone I knew chose not to come to my celebration because technically it was a vow renewal I would say good riddance!! Just because it's a renewal does not make the celebration any less special.

This is fine and technically a vow renewal- As long as you are honest with your guests i don't see a problem. People do this for different reasons and as long as it's not some big secret most people are fine with it. Do what is best for you and your family.

I appreciate all these responses, even some of the snarky ones... lol. I think I was trying to find a way to avoid confrontation with his family has they have been combative thus far towards our relationship progressing. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I think he and I will have to sit down and figure out what's most important to us and go from there.

I saw you just eat married at the courthouse and don't keep it a secret.

Why would you want to anyway? I know everyone has their reasons but I feel keeping it a secret wouldn't be the best course of action.

I don't think secretly getting married will fix the problem of your FILs being combative towards your relationship progressing... it'll probably just make them even angrier.

Laura, I think you are on the right track realizing that you two need to determine what is important to you. Just know that as a parent, it would take me much longer to get over being lied too than it would to accept your relationship.

I think it's perfectly fine to have a ceremony now and a reception later. I do think it's a good idea to be open and honest about it though. When making your announcement just let people know a reception will come later in the year so everyone can celebrate with you.

Again, I appreciate all of the responses. It's not that we are necessarily keeping it a secret. In the time since I have posted this, my fiance and I have talked to my parents and got a lot of backlash on the idea. I'm not one to keep things from my parents. I just can't. Again, the reasons for potentially getting married at the courthouse are personal to us. Not selfish, in our opinions. But we do have things to take into considerations, including our families' and friends' feelings. So thank you for all input.

ETA: this is my first day on the forums and as I go through more and more posts I've found this identical post (with slight variations) many times over- my apologies for my naiveté

I love it when an OP can take criticism of all kinds respectfully.

I am glad you received the input you were looking forward. I was going to agree with PP.

Don't do it at the courthouse have the same minister marry you both times have him or her do your 1st service maybe at your home or church just u your fh the minister and a person u trust that will not tell...inform him or her of your plan

You won't be getting married, you'll be renewing your vows.

This topic, cash bar, along with asking guest for money never ends good.

I got legally married 2.5 months early due to my father being gravely ill. The stepdown ICU of a hospital was not my dream, but having him there was. He passed 4.5 days later. I had pictures of him and I at the funeral. When the big day rolled around, everybody knew, nobody cared. Anyone who would have disagreed with my decision would have been told to F off.

In your case, I think doing this would make the relationship with FIL's worse. I have never been a fan of mine and refuse to deal with them, but they were invited to the hospital wedding and did not come. They never got to meet my father. They did however make an appearance at his funeral wake. I was shocked.

If you get married sooner than later, just call it a vow renewal or celebration of marriage etc and don't keep it a secret from everyone. Like others have said, it causes animosity and anger among people who are supposed to be your nearest and dearest.

Yeah, I wouldn't keep it a secret. People who didn't want to attend a vow renewal will NOT be amused to find out later that that's what it was (and it *will* get out, trust me). Be honest, and if fewer people attend and you get fewer gifts, that the consequence of your own, adult decision.

I say go for it. I don't see anything wrong with it. A marriage is between a husband and wife. Not friends, family, husband and wife. I see a lot of judgmental people commenting. What if they couldn't afford their actual dream wedding right now? What if they're waiting to move into a house? Whatever the case may be, it's no ones say except for the person asking the question.

View Quoted Comment Don't be sorry! I hope you did what felt right. I personally am looking at this question because I am considering the same exact thing. People need to understand that when someone is asking for help/advice, they shouldn't put such a judgmental comment or reply or make people feel stupid for their own ideas. If you ended up doing what you were considering, I would love to know how it went.
Xx

I wasn't planning on responding but the comments seem to be rather rude instead of helpful. I think everything you want to do is fine. I am currently thinking of doing the same thing because it is just easier for our circumstances since we live in California and our wedding is in Georgia plus, my fiancé just started a new job and I will be starting a new job a few months before so we don't know when we will be able to make it to Georgia to apply for the license and if we can make it in time to wait the 3 days to obtain it. That being said, we are thinking of getting married at the courthouse and then having our wedding in October as usual. Everyone has their own way of doing things. Whatever you want to do, just do it. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Woah, these are crazy responses. All you care about is money and gifts. My fiancée and I are to be married at the courthouse this week! We are doing so as business and we will be publicly married in a year from now.


After reading these responses I now know that I will not be telling any of the guests we were married prior to the “ceremony”. The wedding is about sharing the love of the couple with the couples most beloved people. And for those people to show their support and if they wish, to help out the young couple with a gift.

Everyone on this thread is so annoying and judge mental. LMAO like she can do whatever she wants. 😂