Getting Ready but don’t want mil there

Tell her you really need a woman in charge of making sure the men are all dressed properly, ties straight, boutonnieres straight, hair neat, etc. You know she is the right person to be in charge of getting the men lined up. It's a way of complimenting her, giving her power, and keeping her out of your hair at the same time.

I wouldn't have her there. It sounds like she is a very toxic person, and I don't think you would regret not having her there.

And if you continue to not address the behavior when it's happening, it's never going to stop. I have zero tolerance for racism and refuse to be around it. You can't change who people are, but you can choose to call out inappropriate behavior.

Can your FH step in and let her know the behavior is unacceptable?

OMG!! Is your FMIL MY FMIL???? Wow, I could have written this, I just want to hug you haha.

Here's a little of my story and then I'll jump back in to yours (if that's okay!).

It's been 10 years now. I do care very much for my FMIL, mostly because she is my FH's mom and she is very important to him. I think she genuinely cares about my well-being too. But politics, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia have driven a wedge between us. I am white passing, which, while a privilege, also adds unique issues into the mix. I am half white and half first-generation Latina. FMIL and I have both political arguments (I never ever ever bring anything up - she will dig and dig and dig until finally she'll say something about gay people turning her church hedonistic and then how her cousin should just hire mexicans for pennies on the dollar) where I cannot hold my tongue anymore. I think it's immature that she always talks about politics when she knows we don't see eye-to-eye. Why put your FDIL (or anyone) in that position? After a particularly contentious argument, she tried to manipulate FH into seriously reconsidering marrying me because "he and I don't see eye-to-eye on important issues". She lost it when he told her that he agreed with me on a particular point.

We also have mini-arguments about the wedding. She has poo-pooed almost every decision that we have made about this wedding. Everything from not liking the colors, to having too many people in the wedding party, to demanding the most expensive dessert that the venue offers (even though she's not contributing to the wedding financially (she is hosting the RD though)). To not liking different BM dresses (different necklines, same dress). She dissaproves that I'm not tossing the bouquet, not doing the garter toss. She is going to LOSE IT when she finds out I'm going to have *both of my parents walk me down the aisle, not just my dad (yes, I realize it's none of her business - she knows no boundaries). We compromised and got a pastor to try to make her happy - clearly nothing ever will. She was CLEARLY upset that I did not "consult" with her before ordering our invitations. She is sooooooo old school and doesn't understand that wedding traditions change over time. I realize that half the stuff we are doing at our wedding probably will be so completely outdated in 30 years and I won't be taking it personally, I get it.

Anyway, before all of the wedding poo-pooing started, and before the very contentious arguments concerning politics, I said "wouldn't it be nice if you and (her daughter, my BM), joined us dress shopping? Well, then all of this started happening and I just didn't bring it up and went without her.

Depending on how things unfold, I probably will not invite her to get ready with us - honestly I think she would turn down the invitation anyway.

How did the getting ready thing get brought up? Like was there a conversation about it or did she bring it up? Can FH invite her to get ready with him and the guys?