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June 2021

Gifts from your wedding guests? (Mostly registry gifts or cash??)

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Dj Tanner, on March 23, 2021 at 2:28 PM

Posted in Registry 30

This is just a random sort of question more targeted towards the brides on here that have already had their weddings but welcoming all thoughts.
My FH and I are not doing a registry. We don’t like them and we feel that it’s extremely rude, however this is a very personal opinion and we don’t dis anyone for having a registry at all, and we do not get offended if we attend a wedding that has one, it’s just not our thing. We were initially going to collect whatever money we received from guests and donate it, but we were advised not only by people on here, but my FH‘s aunt and a few other family members that some people get offended when couples do this.

My main question is for people that have already had their weddings, did you feel like you were expecting more money and gifts from people or did you get a lot less than you planned on?
Also if you did do a registry, did you get most of the stuff on your registry or did people just give you cards with money in it instead?

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30 Comments

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 24, 2021 at 3:01 PM
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Gifts used to be expected. The older females in a family or social group would make sure you came with a gift from the registry to wedding, or you have up to a year to give one per Emily Post. It's only since the overall "etiquette has no place in modern society" vibe that many of the current generation of WW users lean toward that the "gifts are optional" thinking has taken hold and pushed everything else out of the way.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on March 24, 2021 at 3:34 PM
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I think it definitely depends on how you were raised, cultural norms and even geographical norms. I’m in my early twenties and I’m mortified at the idea of going to such a big event empty handed, personally wouldn’t be caught dead doing it.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on March 24, 2021 at 3:59 PM
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I honestly would feel horrible giving a gift. My “rule” is to not go into debt for a gift, and only give what I can afford.
I see a lot of grumpy online (not here) talk of weddings being merely a “gift grab” and the only acceptable way is to get married at the courthouse on your lunch break wearing a burlap sack. I think that’s hogwash. Wedding are a big milestone event and it’s not greedy to know you’ll be getting gifts!
For us, we will put the word out that we really do NOT want gifts - we’re both middle aged and combine households, we’ve got enough. I know some people will still gift us and I’ll be grateful.
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on March 24, 2021 at 4:00 PM
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I mean horrible NOT giving a gift!
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Super February 2022
Grace · on March 24, 2021 at 4:00 PM
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I agree that geography and upbringing play into this. I live in the US south, not deep south but traditions are still strong and ingrained in most people here, and it is unthinkable to go to a wedding with no gift, even if the couple is not asking for anything.

My SIL got married just out of college. Almost all the guests were fairly young. She and her husband asked for no gifts and didn't do a registry either. They ended up getting a few gifts, gift cards, cash, and checks from guests. They weren't asking for gifts and people still wanted to give them something in recognition of their marriage. I don't remember them specifically asking for money at any point. They were expecting some money and got about what they were predicting in the end which wasn't a lot.
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on March 24, 2021 at 4:10 PM
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I can definitely understand not wanting to go into debt. That is why registries of things the couple needs and wants have a wide range of prices for all budgets. Because the guest might not need/want a physical gift doesn't mean the couple marrying doesn't need/want gifts.
For many people, it's not greedy/gift-grabby to say "will you buy us something from our registry" where it is to say "we don't want gifts and we will return/toss them because we want cash. Nothing else".
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VIP October 2022
Samantha · on March 24, 2021 at 4:11 PM
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Totally! If you are going to return, just do it without a big deal!
I attache gift receipts because who knows!
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June 2021
Dj Tanner · on March 24, 2021 at 5:24 PM
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I have to say, just from my personal experience, my cousins registry was ridiculous, and a lot of people felt the same way. There were mostly extremely expensive items on there. And they didn’t register at just one place either, they were requesting many high cost items, but then would put something in their bed bath and beyond registry for some thing so cheap like the scrub daddy sponge. So it’s like obviously no one is going to just give them a scrub daddy sponge, but no one wants to buy them a $700 blender. My aunt and uncle dished out a lot, but it’s their child which makes sense. This is actually one of my main experiences in life which pushed me towards not doing a registry at all.
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Master May 2020
Kari · on March 27, 2021 at 4:59 PM
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I would just not mention anything about gifts or a registry at all. When nothing is mentioned, people usually give cash or checks. We ended up eloping at the last minute due to Covid and still received a number of cash/check gifts - definitely more than expected, especially since we had to cancel our wedding.
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Beginner October 1996
Re · on June 30, 2021 at 1:05 PM
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We got around the amount of $ that I would have expected. What was unexpected was some people that I did not expect to give a large gift at all, gave a lot, and some people who I know make 6 figures and upwards and expected a lot, gave very minuscule gifts. In the end, it averaged out to what I had imagined we would receive.
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