So, my father is very alive and very much in my life. However, he has never been the type of father you'd look up to, he's the type of father that your mother warns you "just don't marry anyone like him when you're older". Without going into too much detail, he treated me very badly (emotionally and mentally- not physically) growing up and still has no remorse for any of it. And the thought of having him walk me down the aisle made me so angry that for a moment I dreaded even having the wedding. So my older brother has agreed to do it. He was more of a father to me and still the person I go to for advice.
My only problem is, 1)- it does make me sad that I'll never get to have a father-daughter first look and the other traditional things like that. It's silly I know, but I can't help but be a little sad.
And 2)- I have a gut feeling that once my wedding day is here, my dad will make it about him and how I caused a scene and embarrassed him by not letting him be a part of it.
My mom will probably try to guilt me into letting him be in the wedding and I know it's gonna make us fight with each other. But I can't budge on this. It'll just ruin my entire wedding for me. I usually just let my dad get his way because it's easier than having to deal with him, but this is my day. I just don't know how to find a balance between being civil and having boundaries or standing up for myself.
Is there anyway I could still have those personal moments daughters get, except with my brother? And I don't even know what to ask about my dad and how to deal with the whole situation.