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Savvy June 2023

Good friend isn’t coming

Kara, on May 9, 2023 at 10:01 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 2

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One of my best friends from college got married last August. I went to her bachelorette party and her wedding (we live in different states) - my fiancé and I spent about $5,000 total. We gave a large gift and took time off to go. She only greeted us at the welcome party, not the wedding, but I tried to let it go.

She’s been talking about taking time off work for my wedding since 13 months ago. We’ve been engaged for some time now and sent out save the dates very early. While we’re not as close as we were in college, I definitely thought she would be there.
RSVPS were due yesterday and she never got hers in. I texted to ask and she apologized and said she actually couldn’t get time off work.
I’m not mad at all I’m just bummed because I think this shows how not important the friendship is to her. Sorry this is just a whole vent I just feel so stupid for spending all that time and money (that I didn’t have) going to her stuff to show support when she can’t even bother to rsvp.

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Latest activity by CM, on May 10, 2023 at 9:05 AM

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Jasmine S. · on May 10, 2023 at 7:34 AM
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I just want to say your feelings are valid. There will probably be people who come in here saying "A wedding invite is not a summons, you should never expect anyone to be there!" But there are ways to work around one's work schedule and she decided not to take those options. Vent all you want here! Your wedding day will still be great.
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CM · on May 10, 2023 at 9:05 AM
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No, there aren’t always ways to make it work for a friend’s wedding and it doesn’t mean the friendship is not important to her.

Save the dates have an unfortunate connotation in many cases. In reality they are just a heads up. Many genuine and unavoidable conflicts are not apparent until much closer to the date, which is why invitations and RSVPs are not sent and due months in advance.

You really have no idea what her current situation is and whether or how much she tried to make it happen. Weddings aren’t tit for tat. Just because you were able or willing to spend a ridiculous amount IMO to attend her wedding has no bearing on her ability to get away or her current finances. Priorities can change, especially once you’re married and you have a partner to consider.

She may have hoped and intended to be at your wedding. I would try not to take this as a personal statement.
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Good friend isn’t coming

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