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Just Said Yes November 2019

Grandmas who need to keep their mouth shut!!!

Melissa, on April 30, 2019 at 3:35 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

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Background: my grandma is a very opinionated person. If she doesn’t like something she will let you know about it. She also likes to make most situations about herself, for example, the weekend of my sister’s wedding she planned a family get together to celebrate her 80th birthday, 5 months before her birthday, the night before the wedding (rehearsal dinner was actually 2 nights before the wedding).

My sister lives 6 hours away and she wasn’t able to be very involved with wedding planning (neither was my mother). My cousin is getting married 2 weeks before me and she can’t be involved with that wedding because she doesn’t get along with my cousin’s mother and family. Because I live in the same city as my grandma, I see her more often than the rest of my family. My mom made sure to bring this up early in the wedding planning process, and I told my mom I didn’t want a lot of involvement because her negative attitude will highly influence my wedding planning stress and decision making. Very unnecessary when planning a wedding!!

(sorry, that was a long background story). Anyway, because my sisters and MOH live out of state, I only wanted my mom with me dress shopping, and because I know she didn’t get to go with my cousin, I invited my grandma as well. I found the dress of my dreams. Because I went dress shopping in January, I had gained a little holiday weight and the zipper was *slightly* stubborn. The lady who sold me my dress said that it will fit fine by my wedding in November (and my dad said that it would fit fine after a big poop...sorry haha).

Ever since then my grandma has made several comments about how I won’t fit in my wedding dress if I gain any weight. She makes sure to say them frequently, and has commented on my fiancé’s weight for the 12 years I’ve known him. I’m pretty healthy and active and my fiancé had been losing weight. I’m pretty hurt from these comments as I have been working hard to lose weight anyway.

How do I approach future wedding plans from here on out? She’s not financially involved with the wedding so I feel no obligation to involve her in any more planning, although my dress is currently being held hostage (I mean stored) at her house. Planning with my mom has been difficult since my mom feels obligated to tell her parents when she is coming to town (she lives about an hour and a half away). I’m so hurt from her comments that I don’t even want her at my wedding, but I really want my grandpa to be there so I can’t have one without the other

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Latest activity by Sara, on April 30, 2019 at 5:24 PM

Champion December 2017
earias · on April 30, 2019 at 3:46 PM
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Honestly, it sounds like you invited trouble when you asked your grandma to come dress shopping with you. While you could tell her how you feel, I doubt that will help based on your description of her. Instead, I would just ignore her comments (keep in mind where they're coming from and let it roll off you), and stop including her in wedding planning.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on April 30, 2019 at 3:49 PM
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Ugh I have a pretty crappy grandmother myself. Luckily, I'll never have to talk to her again (she's still alive though lol). Anyway, it's hard if your mother is going to involve her. I feel like you have to talk with your mother about it. Tell her that while you understand that she feels obligated to spend time with your grandmother when she is in, you'd really like wedding planning to be a special time with just you two. Side note: I ate a donut at work today and my overweight OLD coworker told me I won't fit into my dress. She is also the same person that loves to talk to me about "my generation". I have been the same size for 8 or more years. I'm going to fit in my dress lol.
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Devoted May 2019
Sarah · on April 30, 2019 at 3:55 PM
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Maybe you can talk to your mom and let her know how you're feeling and perhaps she won't bring up the reason of her being in town is for the wedding. My grandparents all passed before I was born, so I'm not much help in that dept. You may talk to your grandma, to get it off your chest, but going in expecting that it might not change. Like my FH's parents ALWAYS comment on his weight (he's perfectly within his weight range and at least they know i feed him haha!) But my parents would neverrr do that. Everytime his parents see him his mom says something, even though she's a thicker lady. I shouldn't be surprised at this point, and sadly he said he's use to how they are, but I've still never understood it.
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on April 30, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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My mom finally called my grandpa while grandma was out of town to tell him he needs to keep a sharp eye on her and her zero filter mouth at the wedding. She upset my 14 yo sister after Thanksgiving by insinuating she would be pregnant by 16 and sis has been pissed about that since then.
Could you ask your mom to not tell her about the wedding planning? Tell her you want things to be a surprise for guests and to not share.
Or maybe even have your mom or grandpa talk to grandma about appropriate behavior?
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Just Said Yes August 2020
Corinne · on April 30, 2019 at 4:33 PM
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I would first get the dress into your home. I would then talk to your mother about understanding she wants to see her mother while she’s in town but for your mental health and happiness, she needs to leave out any information about your wedding planning. Wedding planning is stressful enough without people being critical all the time. It’s your wedding day and you don’t have to justify or explain anything you chose. I would then have a similar conversation with your grandmother. Let her know you love her but you’re going to finish planning the wedding on your own. Your mental health is important and the only visions that matter that day are you and your future husbands. She may be irritated but she’ll get over it.
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Expert October 2019
Sara · on April 30, 2019 at 5:24 PM
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Your grandma and mine sound very similar.. I sympathize with you girl! What I’ve learned is to set clear boundaries with her and stick to them. I am not accepting financial help from her for the wedding (which my cousin did and that was a nightmare!), and only tell her things on a need to know basis. Like what day the wedding is, and what hotel the room blocks are at. Any negative opinions she has from there are null because it’s already done, and I’ve left out any other details because if she’s just going to bash it then why bother saying anything. The only reason I speak to my grandma anymore is because my mom is close with her and it would cause more drama if I cut her off. So I definitely get what you’re going through. It sucks when you have to keep family at a distance, but think about what you can do to set healthy boundaries to keep your mind at ease. Good luck!
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Grandmas who need to keep their mouth shut!!!

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