Groom pissing me off with his dang car obsession!

Did you express how you were feeling throughout the process? He can’t know unless you tell him. Also, it sounds like him driving the car is something that means a great deal to him. It doesn’t seem like it was meant maliciously, it was just him trying to accomplish something for the wedding that he really wanted. When he went out this time to work on the car we’re you two working on something? He may have thought he had a few minutes to finish something he needed to. It seems like you just need to have a conversation.

Hi Darlene! My guy is a golfing fanatic so I get it!!! Men typically don’t understand what all goes into a wedding and do better with specific instructions. If I were you, write up a “honey to do list” and go into that garage, hand it to him and say “I need your partnership and support now more than ever”. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️

View Quoted Comment Yes i did talk to him and he knew. I spoke to him about it multiple times.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Katie, I did that and he did not complete any of the tasks. I had to get involved to accomplish it to meet the deadline. I'm so disappointed 😞

Girl, I completely get your frustration, My husband had several ideas for things he wanted for our wedding that I ended up having to do for him because he just didn't follow through or he waited until last minute. He wanted the save the dates to have a specific look and they ended up going out a month later than I wanted because he kept putting it off until I finally told him either he does them now or I will just do them and they won't have the specific look he wanted. That got him moving. He also wanted specific invitations, but after months of trying to get out of him what he envisioned I finally just picked what I liked and told him that's what we were doing because I was tired of waiting on him. He also is a huge hockey fan and wanted escort cards that looked like hockey tickets. He wanted to design them himself, but again that never happened so instead I found hockey ticket escort cards on Etsy and I bought the template for them. I was under the impression he would fill out the cards with the names and seats of each person, but he asked me to do it because he left for a week vacation to Alaska with his dad and brother two weeks before the wedding and he wouldn't have time to complete them when he got back. He also made our card box and didn't end up finishing it until the morning of the wedding. I thought it was done, but when we got our wedding photos back there were several photos that our photographer took during getting ready pictures of my husband painting one last coat on the card box. Sadly, I think it is a man thing. They just aren't as into wedding planning/helping as women. I hope there isn't too much left for you to do. Maybe try talking to him one last time and if he doesn't listen do you have a friend or family member that could help you? My mom and sister-in-law helped me finish last minute details because two days prior to our my husband and I weren't even in the same area because he was at his bachelor party.

View Quoted Comment Thank you , today I'm literally just going to stay in bed. I'm so annoyed I can't even deal with anyone. Luckily my mom has been helping alot.

When he went to work on the car was it just to tinker with random stuff, or does he actually have things to button up on it in two days for him to be able to drive it? It might seem silly to you, but part of being with a car guy is that these cars are more than just an object, and being okay with that is part of the relationship. If his car isn't ready then I honestly don't blame him for finishing it up because it's important to him to have that on his wedding day. The decorations and last minute decisions aren't as big of a deal to him, but having that car there is. I also know many guys run to the garage when they're stressed because it's easy for them. First, figure out if he's working on actual stuff or just tinkering, and go from there with having him help.

View Quoted Comment He is attempting to have it for the wedding. But this was a last minute Idea. The car has been sitting for years so he dedicated all this time and energy to the car and didn't help me with anything. I told him to balance but he didn't.

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I'm sorry you're going through this, because it's definitely frustrating. He sounds like every car guy I know, though. My fiancé has put more time into coming up with a schedule to get his car stripped down and put back together in the month before the wedding than he has on looking into his own suit which he requested he do himself. This will be something you two will have to work on in your marriage. Good luck! I'm sure everything will turn out beautiful.

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry! He really shouldn't be letting you feel so alone especially since you've tried telling him. At least your mom is helping you.

View Quoted Comment I think this is a communication problem between the two of you that you need to work out then. To him the car is important and to you the little details are important. You should work together to find a balance with helping each other accomplish the goals you separately have. He may be just as frustrated that you don’t understand the importance of the car to him.

I’m honestly shocked at how easily people let their significant other off the hook for being completely disrespectful with the excuse of “he’s a car guy” “he’s a golf guy” etc.
yeah, they’re also about to be HUSBANDS.
It’s great he has a hobby he is passionate about and wanting to use it for the wedding but he cannot completely dismiss your requests for help and acknowledge your feelings. Men are not babies. They can handle alllllll sorts of responsibility even if they aren’t interested in it. Do all men love their jobs? No. Do they all love helping research linen providers? No. But sometimes what you have to do isn’t what you want to do.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. Exactly my argument with FH. 😒

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When your SO has a hobby that takes up the majority of their and your life in a way that some hobbies can, it has to completely change your relationship dynamic in order for things to work. He shouldn't be criticizing her for the work she has put in, that's not cool, but overall to me their dynamic hasn't shifted in the way it needs to for both of them to work with each other around his hobby and her needing certain things from him. I'm putting this off on "he's a car guy" because to me they both have things to work on if she's still complaining about the car and they're getting married, but I didn't want to get into all of that. This all comes down to them needing to work on their communication and their relationship dynamic, together.

I hear your frustration. My interpretation of this is that your FH wants to fix this car for the both of you on your joint special day. This is where he feels his talents lie and he wants to contribute. Unfortunately, this took time away from things he was probably avoiding because he is not the planner you are. Okay, so in these last 2 days, just give him a list of things he can do (as recommended above) and sort the list you can do, and then let the other little details go. In 2 days, if it's not a day-changer or deal-breaker, then it's really added stress. Let your Mom do a couple things if need be, but she shouldn't be stressed for him either. Just an idea, try to find a "Just Married" decal or create a sign for the car. It's just a little thing in support of each other. I found mine on Etsy for my car guy. Best wishes!

View Quoted Comment I disagree. He mismanaged his time and that’s his fault. He criticized her choices but chose to take this project on knowing she already needed help he wasn’t providing. He could have found time outside of the specific time she requested from him to work on it.

This is a dynamic that some couples have - for example: hosting for Christmas, guests will be there in 24 hours, wife is doing last minute prep/grocery shopping/cooking and asks for help, and husband decides to build a fire pit in the backyard or clean tbe gutters or remodel the bathroom. It’s the stuff of sitcoms, memes and a million relationship advice forums.
If this is his norm, and if you don’t want this, it’s going to take work to change, but if he’s happy with it, he won’t change.

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I am so sorry to hear that your future spouse doesn't listen to you or put effort into building a partnership. I hope you two can work on this after you are married. Please consider couples counseling to get on top of these issues before it's too late.

We need to stop excusing bad behavior by men because they happen to be men.


I get that your FH wants this car to be usable for your wedding, but the car is only one small, and unnecessary part of the wedding. If the wedding isn't planned, there will be no wedding to display this car at.
Part of adulting is doing the unfun legwork of making stuff happen. He doesn't get to dedicate all his time and energy to somethijg that happens to be his hobby

View Quoted Comment Oh totally, I wasn’t meaning to excuse it!
I do think most of the time it’s *not* a communication issue at all - unless there is a language barrier - the person understands very well that their spouse has expressed this need, they just don’t want to meet that need, and can say they didn’t understand what was being asked. And people will only change if they want to. So, if it works for them, they won’t change.