Groom pissing me off with his dang car obsession!

View Quoted Comment Thank you all so much for carrying me through today. It was a very hard day for me considering how I felt. I literally took the day off and watched movies all day. I could of used today to get last minute things done but I am happy I was a rebel and did nothing. FH apologized and decided to stop what he was doing and join in the wedding prep. It's late in the game and he already got me upset so it doesn't make it any better. The whole point was to avoid me getting upset but nothing else I can do now but wait and see if he keeps his word. Thank you all so much! Happy wedding everyone !

Ugh sounds typical groom behavior. not that that should be ok or accepted at all though!!

i think it is good to have a convo with him about support. you need his support. and he's not giving it to you. this is important convo because it applies to your general relationship going forward too. it's not just based on this one scenario. when you need him, and you've expressed that, you want him to really be there. because this may keep happening unless he learns that hey my spouse needs me, and i need to be present and actively there for her

Coming from a woman who's FH is in love with cars and is working on our get away car right now... they see this as a huge contribution to the wedding. He needs to make sure that thing is safe, and reliable for the wedding day because it could be horrible if he didn't make it all if the car broke down on the way! I asked my FH how involved he wanted to be and what decisions he wanted to make, and we sat down and talked about it. I ask him when he has free time to come look at something, or make a quick decision, and then leave him to what he is seeing as important for our wedding day. Sometimes, one person is way more interested in the actual planning of the wedding than the other, and it's something that needs to be worked out or both have an understanding about.

View Quoted Comment

But to him it isn't unnecessary, and he may see her small details as unnecessary. There's also the other side to this, that no one gets to hear. Maybe this car has sentimental value to him, maybe this is what he wanted his big contribution to be. Why does he need to let go of his "unnecessary" part, and she gets all the little details that he may not want?

View Quoted Comment I'm not saying the groom needs to drop his car to coordinate color palettes and appetizers and little details. I'm saying he needs to play a more active role in the big picture of wedding planning.


No venue? No wedding. No invites sent out? No guests. No photographer? No photos. No officiant? You can't get legally married. No budget? You possibly go broke. No antique car? Use your regular car. Call an Uber. Hitch a ride.
The car may have great sentimental value to him, but it's a nonessential in terms of wedding planning. He needs to balance. He's not balancing what he WANTS and what needs to get done to make this wedding happen.

View Quoted Comment

But that's what she's saying wasn't happening. He wasn't doing the wedding planning, he was working on his car. It isn't nonessential to him. My FH's car that we will be driving off in, isn't remotely nonessential to him. I respect that he sees this as something important for him to have for the wedding day, and although it can be frustrating sometimes, I do find moments where he isn't working on his car for me to do a quick, "hey babe, what do you think about this?" and take his opinion into perspective. Some guys don't have any interest in the wedding planning, they want to contribute, but in their own way. Why can't that ever be respected?

View Quoted Comment Thank you! I was about to say the same. It's because that we let this stuff happen that it continues to happen. Just like men sometimes being the 2nd parent or not knowing anything about their kids because "that's just how men are". We don't get to abandon all of our responsibilities for our hobbies.

Oh that's was right at all could have given a few minutes of his time well my FH was dragging abit because he will tell oh baby I'm going to give you this amount of money to pay on our venue. Because I mention months in between we have to get this paid off I dont care if we have very little decor but I want this venue I will be very upset if it is paid off. So now I finally started getting more action lol he's telling folks that he paid for it so let's go dude lol we have until next year but I like for things to be done. These men we are marrying I pray that your wedding day was beautiful Congratulations