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Soph
Beginner January 2019

Grooms mom driving me insane

Soph, on November 16, 2018 at 12:07 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 37

This past weekend my mom hosted a shower for us. It was really lovely and everyone was having a good time... aside from my FMIL... back story : a few months prior- after unexpectedly losing my dog to HSA, my fiancé and I opted to adopt a dog who was scheduled to be euthanized for no reason other...
This past weekend my mom hosted a shower for us. It was really lovely and everyone was having a good time... aside from my FMIL...



back story : a few months prior- after unexpectedly losing my dog to HSA, my fiancé and I opted to adopt a dog who was scheduled to be euthanized for no reason other than he was covered in burns. Although we have our own house and have been financially independent for years - this sent our FMIL into a frenzie.. a few days after we picked our new pup up my FMIL texted me randomly and I mentioned the adoption- only to be sent a series of messages saying how stupid of an idea that was, how she was in shock and disgusted, how we are going to enter into a financial crisis and lose our house, what a stupid name we gave him, and how I intentionally hid this from her, forced her son to hide this, and how we acted in spite of her since we didn’t consult with her... I wish this was something new but unfortunately every choice we’ve made over the past six years has been blown into this sort of mess (getting an apartment, getting a dog, buying a house.. etc)... and everytime she is hurt and a victim.. this time I chose not to respond.. my fiancé tried to once again reenforce boundaries and tell her for the 5th time that we didn’t appreciate being berated and she needed to remember the choices we make are between us... so she blocked him

fast forward to the shower: we hadn’t talked, when she arrived she kept her back to me the entire time. I tapped her on the shoulder, reached in for a hug and said “hi, how are you?”.. she said “I’m okay”.. rolled her eyes and walked away... She found a seat and kept her back to me the rest of the time, fine. Every guest who tried to introduce themself was met with a dismissive attitude or a snarky comment -including my mom (I.e one of my bridesmaids greeted her and she said “hm, didn’t recognize you with makeup and without daisy dukes or every man staring at you”.. uncalled or and inaccurate ) .. come time for gifts, she sits directly in front and turns her back entirely to us- talking loud to a friend she had accompany her.. she turned around once to give my Fiancé a gift to open .. a pair of socks that said “for your cold feet”.. she laughed and left, all while yelling at my fiancé’s father .. “is this how it’s going to be at the f’n wedding too?” ... there were 70 people so I chose to ignore it the best that I could but five unrelated people came to myself, my mom, and my fiancé to ask what was up with her... my fiancé spoke to his father and he expressed that his mom was hurting and needed an apology because to add salt to an already open wound (adopting a dog) we also failed to announce her entrance and bring people to meet her .... we were surrounded by people the entire time and were both dismissed by her...


Am I missing something ? I feel so confused and stressed out .. I honestly have no idea how to handle this

37 Comments

  • B
    Dedicated November 2019
    Beth ·
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    Girl. I don’t know if this is allowed here but puhlease check out the online support group “DWIL” on baby center. It stand for Dealing with In-laws and those people will help you immensely. You don’t have to accept this treatment. She Needs to be put in her place and now. If you think this is crazy now just wait until you guys have children.
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  • Amy
    Devoted October 2019
    Amy ·
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    To me it sounds like she’s jealous of her boy being taken away from her, and so she gets mad at every desicion the two of you make together. I suggest you and your fiance have a very frank discussion, just the 3 of you. Talk about everything, ask about feelings, and tell her that if she wants to keep acting the way she is now, that she is not welcome to your wedding. I know that’ll be a hard talk to have, but it’s better than potential memories of her interrupting your ceremony. Good luck!
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  • A
    Super September 2019
    Anna ·
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    You and your FH are incredible people, first of all, saving that poor dog is extremely admirable. Even if you did unexpectedly lose your job, you can’t control when a fur baby needs your help. Regardless you are adults, and as you very well know you can make those decisions and know you’ll be okay at the end of the day.
    secondly, the fact you have given her chance after chance and it seems like this is the way she always acts, it’s unbelievable how strong you two are to have to deal with such negative energy.
    its a horrible decision to make saying that you don’t want a mother there on one of your special days. Just based on what I read, I agree with PP’s saying to not invite her if she doesn’t change her ways. You’ve went above and beyond many times, but there comes a point where enough is enough.
    talk with your FH and do what’s best for you two. Sending lots of positive vibes and energy your way.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Her behavior is totally unacceptable in any situation. Do not cater to it. FI needs to tell her she behaved so badly she looked like a stubborn and spiteful child to all the shower guests, and if she cannot act like an adult and be civil to everyone, she will not be invited to the wedding. If she wants to be treated like a mother, she needs to act like one, and be loving, and supportive, not nasty and critical. The measure of a good parent is nurturing a child who grows to be an independent, capable, loving adult, prepared to share their life with someone else and create a new family. She has done that, and so have bride's parents. But she has been acting like your decisions are all worthless, and making nasty or sarcastic remarks to a variety of your friends and family. These are nit MOG behaviors. And if she can't promise she will turn things away, there will be no MOG at the rehearsal dinner or the wedding. If she has a tantrum and does not come, she is the loser. Maybe she will think it over and put a civil tongue in her head. Maybe she won't, but you will be spared her being nasty to others. She is not behaving like someone anyone would want to introduce to others as mother. You let this garbage go on during your dating and engagement. Time to draw a line and not allow any of this to carry over to your wedding and married life. Do it now, there is hope for the wedding.
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  • Andrea
    Master January 2021
    Andrea ·
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    This is BAD! She sounds really controlling, possessive, jealous and basically like a narcissist. She thinks everything is supposed to be about her, and when it's not, she flies off the handle. You both adopting a dog was a choice you and your FH makes. She has no place in that. I don't understand why some mothers in law have to behave this way. My FH's mom is sort of like this. When it's not about her, she goes nuts! She embarrasses herself in social settings and has no filter when she speaks, which in turn makes her look like a nut case. She is not only disrespecting you, but also her son and the guests at the party. It doesn't seem like she is happy for you guys taking the next step in your relationship. She seems super jealous! Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's just what it appears to me as. She is just plain rude. I'd have FH give her a final warning. If she can't respect boundaries, she shouldn't be invited to the wedding, plain and simple. I'm sorry she put you guys through this, really really sorry.

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  • Soph
    Beginner January 2019
    Soph ·
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    I know exactly what I have to do as uncomfortable as it may be but all of you are so right. It’s only grown worse and we can’t keep doing the same things and expecting a different result. I can’t tell anyone of you enough how much I appreciate each of your perspectives because up until now it has felt like a pretty lonely road with every person telling us to accept that behavior because she is his mom. It’s such a relief to not be told that for the first time in years. We knew it wasn’t okay but unfortunately when we upset her she starts getting nasty with everyone - rather then people saying she’s wrong they try to get it to stop by asking us to fold. Those days are over
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  • Shannon
    Savvy December 2021
    Shannon ·
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    That’s awful. Your shower is supposed to be about you and your fiancé and she ruined it and made it about herself. Call her out now or uninvite her. Don’t let her ruin your wedding too. Sorry that happened to you :/
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  • Denise
    Devoted May 2019
    Denise ·
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    I’m sorry you’re dealing with your MIL’s juvenile behavior.

    But how’s your dogs burns?
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Awe poor puppy. Yes I do not know why she is acting like that. You and your fiancé should have a talk with her. First I would ask if all is ok? Then I would let her know that her actions are not ok. That it will not be acceptable for her to behave in such a way. That as much as she means to you and FH she will not be invited to the wedding if she is going to act so mean and hurtful.
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Yes ingnoring behavior only works when
    someone is acting out for attention then you still have to say why you are ignoring them. Are you a teacher or have you raised kids? Lol sorry I teach preschool your advice just reminded me of it. But I get not wanting to draw attention at the shower,
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Do you have any puppy pictures?
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  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    Ohhh man. She sounds very dramatic to say the least. I’m very confused why she cares that much that you and your fh got a dog? As hard as it might be I 100% agree with the previous posters. Your husband needs to have a serious talk with her about her obvious issues. If she still can’t act like an adult then cut her off the list.
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  • Soph
    Beginner January 2019
    Soph ·
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    He has some scarring, most of them are the size of pencil erasers and are easily covered by his fur - one is a few inches long and tender to touch but vet says it looks good. He’s come a long way, Slowly starting to trust people Smiley heart
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  • Soph
    Beginner January 2019
    Soph ·
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    Https://instagram.com/p/bps081rblxb/

    im not sure how to add pictures but here’s a clip of Chip Smiley heart
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Awe the link was broken. Lol sorry I love dogs and can’t have one where we live.
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  • Soph
    Beginner January 2019
    Soph ·
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    I am not but it’s a technique I used to train our dogs - only acknowledging good behaviors.. I think it’s fair to say she’s not as receptive to positive reinforcements. FI spoke to FFIL tonight andplans to talk with both of them tomorrow. Wish us luck !

    https://instagram.com/p/BqZE3VphoPS/
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Awe she is adorable that sweet face.
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