Grooms side of the family

You have two issues here. The involvement or contributions from your FI's family and his father's upsetting comments. My advice is to let your FI shut down his rude comments. If he says something like that, he could say he's sorry he feels that way and that you will come back when he can keep his negative thoughts to himself. Then continue to keep all talk of wedding planning to a minimum around him.

However, is there a reason he feels you should not be having a big or expensive wedding? Is he concerned that you can't afford it?

As far as offering to contribute or help with tasks, that's nobody's job but yours and or a paid vendor's. It's very generous of your parents to help, but not his parent's responsibility to pay or rude for them not to be involved.

Wow your future father-in-law sounds real charming. But on a serious note I'm so sorry you are having to deal with such behavior. Where is your fiance when his family specifically his father is making such rude and hurtful comments? He should absolutely be sticking up for you and not allowing his father to speak to you in such a way. Is his father always like this or just when it comes to the wedding?

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He said that it's not necessary and that we can put a pool in the backyard instead becasuse it's a better use of money.

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This is typical behavior he's high maintence and most of my fiancees friends don't like him

View Quoted Comment I'm so sorry. He sounds like a complete jerk and your fiance definitely should be standing up to him. It's not up to him how you spend your money whether that's on a beautiful wedding or a pool. I would avoid him as much as possible and celebrate with those who are positive and supportive.

You need to have a talk with your fiancé. The two of you are getting married, which means you are now functioning as a team. He needs to support you and stand up to his father the next time he says something like this. It doesn’t need to be anything nasty or disrespectful; just something that shuts his father down and makes him realize that negative comments about such an important event to you both is hurtful. His father needs to understand that you and his son are a united front on this, and that neither of you will tolerate those comments in the future.

Your fiancé should be sticking up for you. You are a team and he should definitely not be allowing family to speak to you in such a manner. I know my husband would never allow that

Thank you all. I am actually at the point where I don't even want them there bercause nobody stuck up for me and I am beyond insulted and they said that I am not going to get an apology. I don't even want to visit them

View Quoted Comment Even your fiance didn't stick up for you? If that's the case to me, that's a huge red flag and I would highly suggest thinking about if this is the type of person you want to marry who allows his family to treat you so poorly.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. What you really have here is not so much a future in-law problem as a fiance problem.

His dad seemse to be the controlling type he even doesnt treat my fiancee nicely and he can't stick up for himself even when hes mean. It causes me anxiety

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That's a problem. You can't count on support from your FI when his family is being mean to you? I would suggest dealing with that in therapy sooner rather than later. Sounds like low/no contact might be an option here.

I completely agree with Jacks. This is a huge problem. I think counseling for both of you, as well as for your fiancé individually, would be a really great and healthy choice here. Your FH needs to learn how to set boundaries and stand up for himself, and for you! I fear if this issue isn’t addressed, it is going to be a recurring one in your marriage.

I think so too we actually just started marriage counseling because his parents clearly have some boundary issues and I think theres some entitlement there too. I don't want this to be a reoccuring theme either but I just feel that it could be