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Dedicated January 2020

Groomsman's Girlfriend

Chelsea, on May 31, 2018 at 11:37 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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Okay let me preface this by saying my wedding is a year and 7 months away and I am not trying to make this decision right now. I am looking for advice on how to handle this for the time being.

So my FH is the president of his fraternity and has 2 brothers. He had a very easy time choosing his 2 brothers as co best men and 4 of his frat brothers as groomsmen (they're absolutely inseparable). He has already asked them and so I would like a bridal party of 6 on my side to make the numbers even. I have 2 co maids of honor who were no brainers and 2 sorority sisters who I am also inseparable with who I asked to be bridesmaids. My other 2 spots however, I would like to choose MUCH closer to the wedding as relationships form and change.

One of my FH groomsmen has been dating this girl for 6 months. I like her well enough for the most part thankfully since we hang out and talk quite a bit while the guys do guy things. However, 2 of the months they were dating I lived on the other side of the country so I've really only known her a short time and never really make plans to do stuff just the 2 of us. She is really into wedding planning (which is fine) but she keeps asking me to go to catering and cake tasting, be a part of stuff I am planning for the entire bridal party, etc. Shes even gone through my pinterest board and gave me advice and critiques. She has asked several times to be a bridesmaid as well, sometimes when I'm sober, but most of the time while we are drunk at the bars. No offense to her but at this point I don't think I would want her as one and again I'm not ready to pick yet which I've told her. I don't know how to nicely tell her to back off a little. I also don't want to cause any drama with my FH groomsman who is dating her.

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11 Comments

Latest activity by OrangeCrush, on May 31, 2018 at 2:21 PM

Expert September 2018
Tia_Fred · on May 31, 2018 at 11:50 AM
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I would waut to ask cause u never know what vould happen in a year and 7 months in their relationship and urs with her. I would wait atleast until u hit that 1 year mark
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Master August 2018
Kristina · on May 31, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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If you don't want her in your party, you are under no obligation to ask her.
Do you have other people in mind? Or even better yet, keep your wedding party as is. You don't need even numbers, and if you ask people AFTER you've already asked these ones with a good chunk of time in between, it sends the wrong message.
Asking to be a bridesmaid is INCREDIBLY rude in itself- it's like inviting yourself to a birthday party or something similar. That right there would be the end of consideration for me.
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Expert February 2018
Kiersten · on May 31, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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Just thank her for her input (albeit unwanted ) and tell her you're waiting until much closer to the wedding date to make decisions about your entire wedding party selections.

I would also try to avoid discussing wedding stuff with her and perhaps make your Pinterest board secret (you can share it with certain people if you want...which is one of their more decent updates).
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Devoted August 2019
bethf · on May 31, 2018 at 11:58 AM
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Your said yourself your not making the decison yet so you could wait and see what blooms. Or when the time comes just be honest, you like here as a friend but you dont think it will be a good fit as a bridesmaid. (or something to that affect)
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Expert May 2019
Kat · on May 31, 2018 at 12:03 PM
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I honestly would just keep doing what you’re doing. Every time she brings it up just say “I haven’t finalized my bridal party yet but will let you know when I do!” and let the subject drop. I also wouldn’t discuss wedding planning with her - if she’s the one bringing it up, just say you have tons of time still and are taking a planning break. Don’t invite her to dress shopping, cake tasting, etc., even if she’s asking. She shouldn’t be assuming she’s a bridesmaid just because you guys hang out as couples all the time, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to include her in your wedding just because she’s being pushy about it.
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VIP May 2018
PBiazinha · on May 31, 2018 at 12:06 PM
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I absolutely agree with Kristina.
Waiting to add people for a long period of time will send a message that the "newly adds" are B listed or not as important to you.
There is nothing wrong with uneven BP. Look up on Pinterest, or even do a little search here on WW. It is totally fine.
You should not ask anyone out of obligation - that is a recipe for drama/issues.
Tell her thank you and change the subject. If she insists, tell her that you are all set with your decisions and if you ever need her advice you'll know to ask.
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Master August 2017
firstoneat56 · on May 31, 2018 at 12:09 PM
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This is one of the problems that can arise when you ask your wedding party so far in advance. You can't, as Kiersten suggested, say your waiting to make decisions on your wedding party since you've already asked a bunch of people. Had you not asked anyone yet, she may not be asking to be a bridesmaid.
Given that the proverbial cow is out of the barn, just tell her you appreciate how excited she is about the wedding but you are not making any further decisions about the wedding party for another year so please stop asking. Frankly, your wedding is way too far away to be discussing anything about it other than with your FH. If you stop talking about your wedding, chances are she will too.
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Super November 2018
Susan · on May 31, 2018 at 12:15 PM
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This is gonna sound harsh but if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid and they weren’t my sister or best friend, I’d automatically count them out. It’s super rude. Definitely stop talking about wedding stuff for a while.
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Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on May 31, 2018 at 1:11 PM
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I agree, especially since she is a friend through association (through boyfriends, not direct with each other) - I would not discuss wedding stuff with anyone for a loooong time.
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VIP July 2017
Mrs Abbey · on May 31, 2018 at 1:13 PM
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I think it's great that she is excited. It seems to me like maybe she is hoping to get in even more with the guy she's dating and his group of friends. I am sure she is hoping she can walk with her man and no one else does. Sad but that is how many minds work. (Jealousy). I would simply tell her honestly I don't know who all I am having at this time. Once time is closer I will make that choice but not at this time.
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Super October 2017
OrangeCrush · on May 31, 2018 at 2:21 PM
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Not to veer off topic, but what is up with the women who insist on walking with their man or get their undies in a bunch because their man walks with another woman while you are a guest?
I think you are right about this girl - she wants a bigger "in" with this group of friends.
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