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Savvy May 2021

Groomsmen hates bride?

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Alexandria, on June 23, 2020 at 1:06 AM

My fiancé has picked out his groomsmen well in advanced and I have been friends with these guys since middle school. Recently one friend has decided they will COMPLETELY disassociate with me. We listened to his resin for being upset and said we’d work on it and made changes. He still won’t associate with me. We assumed quarantine was getting to him but it’s been long over and he still won’t. My fiancé got all his friends together to celebrate his 21st and he STILL refused to see him on his birthday because I would be there... We still have a long time until the wedding but it’s really starting to bother us. We’ve tried addressing it and he said he still wants to be a part of the wedding but never wants anything to do with me. Should he still be a part?

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29 Comments

Savvy May 2021
Alexandria · on June 23, 2020 at 9:17 AM
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I totally agree. Thank you for the help!
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Master 0000
Judith · on June 23, 2020 at 9:58 AM
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Any friend who does not like either of you, needs to be able to be civil when in a small room. If he does not feel this is possible, he does not have the minimum good manners to be invited to any couples event, or any event supporting your marriage. He is automatically OUT, by his own setting of conditions. He and groom can get together for meals, movies, poker nights, any non couple and non wedding event. Basic civility is the absolute minimum, and he says he cannot maintain that. Groom needs to tell him.
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Super November 2020
Natalie · on June 23, 2020 at 10:37 AM
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I’m having a hard time figuring out how this friend wants to be a part of the wedding but refuses to be in the same room with you for a birthday party. Essentially you (and FH) are the focus of the wedding. A spouse’s friends are not required to like you, but they need to at least be tolerant and respect your relationship.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on June 23, 2020 at 1:56 PM
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I know I can speak for both my husband and me when I say we would not be friends with someone if they hated our significant other. It just wouldn't work.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on June 23, 2020 at 4:56 PM
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I agree with this. Why does he want to be a groomsman if he refuses to support that you are a permanent fixture in his friend's life? If he does show up, he will only make himself look bad.
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Master January 2021
Andrea · on June 23, 2020 at 5:59 PM
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Yep, I definitely agree with the both of you.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on June 23, 2020 at 7:11 PM
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I don't understand why he would want to be a GM / why your partner wants him to be a GM if he isn't supportive of your marriage.. isn't it weird to have someone standing by you who doesn't support your choice? In all reality, you're going to be his spouse and you will come first in the course of life over a friend. That's how marriage works. Plus, how "overbearing" you are or aren't isn't actually his business as long as it isn't abusive (which I'm assuming it isn't). This seems like an immature temper tantrum that isn't worth your time.
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Savvy May 2021
Alexandria · on June 23, 2020 at 10:45 PM
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I totally agree. Thank you for your input
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Devoted August 2022
Sinaya · on June 24, 2020 at 10:58 PM
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My FH and I believe that when we get married we are becoming one. So we will not entertain anyone who says they don't want to have anything to do with one of us. We're a package deal, so you get both of us or neither of us. In regards to him still being in the wedding, you guys need to think about what's important to you in selecting a wedding party. For my FH and I we will only have people standing with us who 100% support our marriage. I hope everything works out either way.
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