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Savvy September 2021

Groomsmen issues

Courtney, on March 18, 2021 at 2:59 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 12
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Hi all,
I just want to start out by referencing my fiancé does not have any super close friends or best friends. So last spring my fiancé asked his one friend to be his groomsmen and then his other friend to be his best man. They both said yes. Since then my fiancé has tried to reach out to them here and there they don’t respond. However back in the fall we were invited and went to a small Halloween party that his groomsmen had. Then in November my fiancé tried to reach out to his best man just conversation stuff they both have trucks and it took his best man weeks to respond. Personally I understand people are busy. We did end up seeing his best man in December. Since then I tried to reach out to them both in February about the wedding. I reached out on FB Messenger so I was able to see they both read it, but I didn’t get any response. Today my fiancé reached out to them to see when they may be available in May or June to go about looking for their shirts they’ll need for the wedding. Has anyone run into this issue before with there groomsmen. Now we are concerned if they don’t answer like at all. The best mans wife is taking our photos for our wedding. We are paying her. However if they don’t respond like what should we do? Should we still consider them in the wedding or should we be thinking of a replacement for them and the photographer then as well. This is an awkward situation I never imagined being in.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on April 13, 2021 at 9:54 AM
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    That is super rude to not answer anything. I 'm so sorry he has to deal with that. Drop those groomsmen. Does he have anyone he's close to? Family? A female friend? Also a prime example why not to ask people to be attendants prior to 6 months before the wedding.

    If worse comes to worse, skip the unsupportive men who can't be bothered to contact him. All you need is 1-2 legal witnesses as required by the state.

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  • C
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Yeah, honestly if we could do that part over I think we totally would have. He’s thinking of asking his dad and step dad to be in the wedding. It just breaks my heart for him. Your thinking exactly what I was thinking. I just wanted to see how others thought of this. Sometimes it’s nice to get outsiders opinions not close to the issue at hand. Thank you for your help
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Wow it doesn't sound like they are very unsupportive and unreliable. Is this how they have always been? If so I wouldn't have expected sky different for the wedding. Maybe try reaching out to the wife about getting clothes. She might be more responsive. But it would make me nervous using her for photos if she is anything like her husband.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Best to ask at 6-9 months out, max, since there is nothing to do before. At 1.5 and under , you should be seeing friends. Covid made that touch. And messages are about as friendly as work memos. Use the telephone. Keep contact and share news by telephone. But Covid has made friendships hard for most.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Were these friends like this before he asked them to be in the wedding? If they were, I wouldn’t expect people to change who they are just because you’re getting married. Hopefully they answer him today and it all ends up ok.
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  • C
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    All valid points. I should mention my fiancé is deaf. His best mans dad is deaf so he knows sign language. They were friends in school keep in mind he’s 29 now. We would hang out with his best man on occasion. And his groomsmen they were friends in school too, but he does not know sign language my fiancé would read his lips and type out on the phone. I personally haven’t had much communication with them other than in person. I’m not sure if that’s typical for them not to respond. My MOH also said that I should reach out to there wives. I just feel like that’s super awkward lol like I’m chasing down two grown adults.
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  • Marcus
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Marcus ·
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    Hello I was sort of goin thru the same thing w/ my groomsmen if they don't answer afta a few calls nd texts i'll leave them alone nd move on this is y'all day at the end of the day ijs 🤷🏾
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  • Jules
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jules ·
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    That’s heartbreaking. I do not like that at all. Drop them from the wedding politely and ask family members he feels close to. Just imagine having people who make you feel unworthy of a text back in your wedding photos FOREVER. You’ll be wishing you had just told them to kick rocks. 💗 So sorry you guys are dealing with that
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  • Jules
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jules ·
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    Also yes, I’d replace the photographer as well. That removes all awkward feelings on the actual day! May be awkward when you tell her but you don’t owe her an explanation unless you’ve formally booked her and possibly taken away business from her on that day. You can just say “my family booked me a photographer as a surprise gift and they didn’t know you were coming and they already paid”. 🤷🏼‍♀️
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  • C
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Thank you so much for your thoughts! I’m definitely going to do that, that’s a great idea! I did find another professional photographer thank goodness I booked with. I’ve been biting the bullet on telling the “best mans” wife (she’s not a professional photographer) it was more like doing us both a favor she’d get paid and we’d stick to budget. The one groomsmen responded, and gave a valid answer as per why he couldn’t be in the wedding any longer. The best man however still hasn’t responded and it’s been about two weeks now. To me that’s our answer, but I’m not sure if we should reach about again nicely and just be like hey hope we didn’t do anything to upset you, we understand by lack of response you are no longer interested in being in the wedding, hope you all are well or something like that or should we just let it go I’m not one to beg. I told my fiancé it would be more special if he has his dad and step dad in the wedding, but I think he’s hurt at the moment So I’m trying not to press the issue currently. I appreciate your help girly 💕
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  • Jules
    Dedicated October 2021
    Jules ·
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    I just wanted to give you a quick update.. one of my best friends of 11 years just let me know yesterday that she won't be coming to the wedding, they decided to "probably" move across the country in October? (no idea why she chose October, it was a random time chosen, no deadlines or anything) so they definitely won't be able to come to the wedding. She was one of my bridesmaids..... I have no hard feelings towards her but I am sad. But, I just wanted your fiance to know he's not alone! This can happen to anybody! Many of us deal with this in some way or another. So it's definitely okay to feel hurt but just don't feel alone! Smiley heart I hope he's cheered up since we last spoke but figured I'd mention it just in case!

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  • C
    Savvy September 2021
    Courtney ·
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    Awww thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry that happened. You have a great out look. My fiancé has gotten better he asked his dad to be his best man. Sometimes it sucks planning a wedding far out I learned. If I could do it over I would! Less drama for sure. Lol I hope things are going well. 💕
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