Guest Addressing for Formal Wedding Invitations

We did a black tie optional wedding, and kept things formal-ish. We did use full names (but you could do Mr. John "Stinky" Doe, if you wanted to honour the nickname) for invites we mostly did "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe". When unmarried we did whoever we knew first, then their partner regardless of gender. So some were "Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith" and others were "Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe". If they were getting a guest, we indicated that on the RSVP, and not on the envelope.

For our seating chart though, we did "John and Jane Doe" rather than Mr. and Mrs.

Personally, I would be annoyed to be addressed as "Mrs. John Doe." It's just so 1950s to me, and I get that was the standard level of formality in the past, but I feel like we've evolved beyond that as a society. I don't see anything wrong with "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Doe." It still feels very formal to me! Sorry for the rant

We addressed everyone by their first and last name if they’re not married and Mr. & Mrs. Last name if they are married


I would hate to be referred to as “Mrs John doe” like previously stated. The ONLY couple we did that for was my fiancés grandparents. They are very old fashioned and would’ve expected to be addressed that way

We're thinking we'll do either "Mr. and Mrs. Doe" or "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe" for anyone who's married. I don't think any of my female guests will mind not being "Mrs. John Doe." We'll probably use full names just for formality's sake. At the end of the day, the envelope gets thrown away anyways even if someone wants to hang onto the invite as a keepsake, so I'm not planning to stress over it too much.

We did "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe." We did use formal first names even when they had a nickname, but we definitely made sure to use the woman's first name in all cases.

We did Mr & Mrs John Smith and used their official name, no nicknames.

I would use Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

I'm doing "female & male last name" just gonna rile some people up lol. I would be really upset if I was invited to a friends wedding and they used my husbands name before mine if I were the "primary" invite if that makes sense.

We are doing a black tie optional formal wedding, so our invites are being addressed formally: Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. With the exception being if they have two last names and then its Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith (or in some cases, Mr. John Doe and Mr. John Smith). We have a handful of married friends who do not have the same last name, so that's how we are handling it. If they aren't married, or living with their partner, they are getting Mr. John Doe and Guest. Two people are getting "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Family" as their children are invited, due to their participation in our wedding.

However, we are doing their nicknames for the place cards/seating. For instance, I have a friend who goes by Tony (Anthony when signing his work emails etc), but his name is actually Lawrence Anthony (his dad was also Lawrence). His invite is going out to Mr. L. Anthony Doe but his table setting will say Tony. My fiancé has an uncle who goes by the name Babe (old nickname from the 50s). Its being addressed to his actual name, but his place card will say Babe.

My dad was against the formality of the invites, but it was something I wanted. All of the women who wouldn't want to be addressed as Mrs. Doe in my circle, are the ones who haven't changed their names, so I'm respecting that. Other than that - no one seems to have a problem with it. Plus, we're going nicknames on the seating chart and tables, to have it both ways.

I agree that Mrs. John Doe is antiquated, and probably offensive to a lot of women. Here's some strategies we're using.

- I wanted to do away with titles entirely-- as in, John and Jane Doe. My partner pointed out that people with titles like Dr. or Rev. or Rabbi, etc., are offended by not being addressed as such. So we're keeping titles, but writing out Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Doe.

- The first name listed is the person we know better. For example, we're inviting a female friend who's married, so of course her husband is her +1, but we don't know the husband well. They're Mrs. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe. If we know both people well, it's a toss up.

- Personally, I like to put the woman's name first when possible. My fiancée kind of rolls her eyes at me, but we agree that there's no good reason that the man's name should come first.

- We're writing out full names for formal invites, but nicknames for everything else, like STDs and seating charts

I will be dropping the titles. I agree that Mrs. John Doe is demeaning. We will be putting the name of the person we know best first, then their partner. One caveat is that I'll be addressing my college professor and his wife as "Dr." She has a different last name, so it'll be Dr. John Doe and Dr. Jane Smith.