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Mrsbdg
Champion August 2017

Guest attire: How much say does the couple get?

Mrsbdg, on September 6, 2019 at 3:37 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 204

Hey y’all! Well. My dad is getting married in December 🙄 As planning has gone on his FW has really pushed my sister and I around and I’m curious if my hatred towards her is tainting my judgement (okay, I’m bored at work too and her most recent text came through this morning and I’m still processing)...
Hey y’all!
Well. My dad is getting married in December 🙄 As planning has gone on his FW has really pushed my sister and I around and I’m curious if my hatred towards her is tainting my judgement (okay, I’m bored at work too and her most recent text came through this morning and I’m still processing)

The wedding doesn’t have a listed dress code but she’s been texting us lists of rules even though we haven’t asked her input at all.

Also we are not in the wedding party or in any way a part of the ceremony.

Her rules thus far:
Wear clothing that covers all tattoos (for me that’s : forearm, wrist, behind my ear, and upper shoulder) (for my sister that’s :upper back, ribs and wrist)
Shoulder, chest, back and stomach covered (no mesh)
No suits, pants or jumpsuits
I remove all piercing (nose, septum, rook, and tragus)
No black, grey, red, yellow, or green
No books or sneakers under my dress (and no stilettos for my sister)
Floor length or knee length dresses
Nothing tight or fitted
No natural curls, no heavy makeup, no red or dark lipstick, and no dark nail polish

Other rules are:

We aren’t to talk to her family without her or my father around.

We aren’t allowed to drink.

My sister, husband, and I aren’t to speak Spanish to one another around her family.

A few of these rules I already plan to break: I’m drinking and speaking to my husband any way I wish. I’m tempted to just buy whatever dress I want.

Also, yes, we’ve talked to Dad and sent him screenshots and he’s basically said she’s a picky bride and that we need to respect our FMIL.
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204 Comments

  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
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    Wear whatever you want. She won't see you until she's walking down the aisle. I doubt she'll stop the wedding.

    Talk to your fam in any language you want. Again, is she really going to make a scene at her own reception? If she does, she'll be the one who regrets it.

    • Reply
  • Krystal
    Dedicated October 2019
    Krystal ·
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    Omg! So sorry you have to deal with that! That’s all insane just as everyone else mentioned. I would be especially insulted with her trying to control the language you speak in to your own husband! I would probably not go but if I did I would speak to everyone of her family members without her in Spanish lol!
    • Reply
  • FutureMrs.C
    Dedicated August 2020
    FutureMrs.C ·
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    I 100% agree with this. As long as your attire is wedding-appropriate (like if they want cocktail attire etc.), then who gives a hoot! Express yourself as you wish.

    And for the whole "respect your FMIL" thing: if she wants to be respected, she needs to reciprocate and not treat you and your sister like children who can't be trusted to dress themselves. Of course you should consider "keeping the peace", but do so in a way where you won't be sacrificing who you are.

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. This goes way beyond being a "picky bride". Best of luck Smiley heart

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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Katie ·
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    First, agree with all others’ thoughts about this being crazy - and I’m sorry this is a situation you have to deal with.

    However, I wouldn’t go petty on this one - being the bigger person will shine a light on how crazy she is being. I’d dress respectfully (eg no stomach is kind of fair; no jumpsuits is ridiculous because there’s great on-trend ones at the moment; if she’s conservative about tattoos maybe like minimize them but don’t worry if some are showing a little), and just like at most weddings I go to, I’d drink (but stay in control) and speak to as many family members as I come across (being charming, of course Smiley smile ).

    She sounds like a nightmare, and I think you want to extinguish her fire (rather than fueling it) without giving ANY hint that what she’s asking is acceptable. So like, I guess what I’m saying is, I’d follow the requests that I think are reasonable, and ignore the unreasonable ones.....I feel like if you ignore all her (crazy) rules as a “f*** you” then she’ll just end up with the higher ground, and she’ll be going around telling the false narrative about how you guys ruined the day.
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  • Elizabeth
    Super June 2021
    Elizabeth ·
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    Do what you want, be polite, have a great time, and if she really puts up a fuss about it, your dad will get to see her true colors!

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  • Tessa
    Devoted November 2019
    Tessa ·
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    Your dad is a very brave man!

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Woah just woah... Aha that's a lot going on...
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  • Mandi
    Master October 2020
    Mandi ·
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    Uh wut?
    She sounds nuts.
    If you're not in the wedding party, you're pretty much free to do whatever you choose.
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    That’s traditionally what I’ve always believed too
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    Oh, do I know it. She just flipped out when she found out I dyed my hair this weekend 😑
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    Brave...or blinded by enjoying a relationship without thinking through the consequences 🤷🏽‍♀️ Not going to talk him out of something he seems to be enjoying
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
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    I’m thinking of picking and choosing the rules I follow. I love wearing black and red so it’s likely I’ll wear those. I’m going to go with my doctors instructions to avoid flats or heels. I may cover some tattoos but my skeleton buddy on my forearm is staying (I’m hate long sleeves).

    My sister wants to go scorched-earth with it and wear a two pieces hoco style dress 🤣
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  • Stephanie
    Devoted November 2021
    Stephanie ·
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    Just nod and smile at the crazy lady and then ignore all the rules!!! Lord have mercy you are a better woman than I because I would not even bother attending. She sounds like a nightmare!!!

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  • Kat_
    Super October 2019
    Kat_ ·
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    Haha... I like you and your sister! You guys are funny and I think this woman should be STOKED to have you guys there in whatever outside appearance you choose! It’s whats inside that matters and you, my friend, are awesome. 🙌🏼
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    I would absolutely break as many of those rules as I could. I'd make a game out of it. Possibly a drinking game.

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  • Shireen
    Devoted September 2020
    Shireen ·
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    Did you respond? I wouldn't even acknowledge such foolery. Wear what you want, speak to your husband and sister how you want and wear your makeup how you want, it's a wedding! If the same rules havent been giving to EVERYONE attending that is rude, tacky, and disrespectful.
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  • A
    Savvy August 2020
    Alyx ·
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    Wow !!! I would say this... you are all grown adults.

    "we are not in the wedding party or in any way a part of the ceremony"

    Is she placing these rules on every single guest? I highly doubt it!!

    Wear what you want if you even go! Expose every single tattoo and piercing, speak every single word in Spanish especially her family.. Wear the loudest most brightest obscene suit or jumpsuit you can find..have your husband wear one too Smiley smile


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  • A
    Savvy August 2020
    Alyx ·
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    Well played !!!

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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    Like countless others have said, this lady is banana balls, and you should wear something that breaks every rule as well as break other rules for fun lol. But seriously. This woman is ridiculous.
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  • Brianna
    Just Said Yes May 2020
    Brianna ·
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    I would say that she could get up over it but I would also talk to your dad about it because it is also his day I am abroad myself and I don't really care what my guess where they have tattoos they have tattoos they want them to show they can my husband has tattoos
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