Guest attire: How much say does the couple get?

LOLOLOL this is insane. Literally do not engage with her and wear whatever and speak to whoever you want.

This sounds CRAZY. I can't imagine telling someone all that! Multiple bridesmaids & guests had tattoos showing & piercings. Plenty of guests were in those colors & tighter dresses. Everyone to everyone. She sounds insane.

I would wear whatever you would normally wear to a wedding. When I go to weddings, I always wear something appropriate (so not too revealing or tight or too showy, not too sequin/glittery/bright, not white or even close, and not too out of theme) and fitting for the wedding. But it's a whole different story if they want to dictate random colors & normal things people would wear.

Dress code aside, your soon to be step-mom is a nut case and sounds hella racist. Why doesn't she want you speaking Spanish? What does she have against people with "natural curls"? I'd tell her to pound sand and then purposely break every single rule she laid out. For bonus points, give a toast entirely in Spanish!

It sounds like you're meeting her halfway, which is MORE than fair given the circumstances. She should be thanking her lucky stars you don't show up in your wedding dress.

The outfit thing- for professional photos I can MAYBE understand. I have some immediate family/close cousins I am asking to wear coordinating colors so we can have some BOMB family photos. HOWEVER asking you to behave a certain way is weird. I guess cause I am a major conflict avoid-er I would probably show up and not talk to anyone or drink BUT leave as soon as I can and go out somewhere after with my sister and husband and treat her with the same respect and love she is treating you with thereafter. But I dont know because if I were your dad I would see this as a major red flag.

Oh my gosh! if you arent even in photos who cares! I would be so offended by all of that.

Does she have kids?! Oh my gosh that is so funny- I mean you two could really go all out and get the tuxes from dumb and dumber hahaha technically they have sleeves and are formal! but they do break the pantsuit rule....

Yes, she is a biatch of magnanimous proportions but what is up with the dad? Has he no voice? No heart? No balls? You are the much better person than I could ever be

This is wild. Sorry to hear your dad is blinded by his love for this woman and he is not listening to you at all. Unfortunately, their marriage will probably be short-lived on account that she's 1) crazy and 2) on her 5th husband. That doesn't bode well. I am sure all the guests on her side are irritated to be attending wedding #5. You can bet your bottom that she's this crazy with her family too. I doubt she has many friends...
Very sad.

OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I am so sorry that is so insane! I would for sure do whatever the F you wanted I would say just dont go but I feel like thats what she is hoping for...

First, let me say how sorry I am that your Dad's future wife is being such a headache.

Seeing that you're not in the wedding party & aren't involved in the ceremony, you aren't required to follow her orders. That's what she's giving you; orders. She's trying to establish dominance over your side of the family. She's trying to set up a pattern where she's in charge. If you let her dictate to you in such a restrictive way, she's going to expect to be doing that for the rest of her life.

I would wear what you want even if that's not according to her marching orders. If she complains, tell her the colors she picked don't flatter you or you couldn't find anything in those colors you liked. Be diplomatic but firm & make sure you & your sister are on the same page. 2 are much harder to knock down than just 1. Also, you might want to let your dad know what you & your sis are doing but make sure he knows not to tell 'her'.

Best of luck!

I know I just posted but then I read some of the WW posts & agree with them. You & your sis should wear matching dresses that'll look dynamite & do the dance from junior high. Really stick the landing & if she complains, tell her you wanted to give her a royal welcome to the family. Say that while smiling your sweetest smiles too!

I found the perfect dress!