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Champion August 2017

Guest attire: How much say does the couple get?

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Mrsbdg, on September 6, 2019 at 3:37 PM

Hey y’all!
Well. My dad is getting married in December 🙄 As planning has gone on his FW has really pushed my sister and I around and I’m curious if my hatred towards her is tainting my judgement (okay, I’m bored at work too and her most recent text came through this morning and I’m still processing)

The wedding doesn’t have a listed dress code but she’s been texting us lists of rules even though we haven’t asked her input at all.

Also we are not in the wedding party or in any way a part of the ceremony.

Her rules thus far:
Wear clothing that covers all tattoos (for me that’s : forearm, wrist, behind my ear, and upper shoulder) (for my sister that’s :upper back, ribs and wrist)
Shoulder, chest, back and stomach covered (no mesh)
No suits, pants or jumpsuits
I remove all piercing (nose, septum, rook, and tragus)
No black, grey, red, yellow, or green
No books or sneakers under my dress (and no stilettos for my sister)
Floor length or knee length dresses
Nothing tight or fitted
No natural curls, no heavy makeup, no red or dark lipstick, and no dark nail polish

Other rules are:

We aren’t to talk to her family without her or my father around.

We aren’t allowed to drink.

My sister, husband, and I aren’t to speak Spanish to one another around her family.

A few of these rules I already plan to break: I’m drinking and speaking to my husband any way I wish. I’m tempted to just buy whatever dress I want.

Also, yes, we’ve talked to Dad and sent him screenshots and he’s basically said she’s a picky bride and that we need to respect our FMIL.

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204 Comments

Dedicated October 2019
Aleah · on September 15, 2019 at 5:35 AM
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Honestly, that is madness. But she is the Bride, it’s her day, I would respect her wishes (except for the talking one and if you want to have a drink go for it). The rest I would respect, not break them for fun that’s very very disrespectful to not only her but your dad. He obviously loves her despite her being picky. Breaking every rule out of spite would be as bad as crashing a wedding you’re not invited to. Not that you’re planning to do that but I see a lot of comments saying to do so. I’m sure she has reasoning behind what she said. E.g I am not inviting certain family members just because I know they will either 1. Dress very inappropriately (I mean, verrrry) or 2. Bring an un-serious partner that is rude/inappropriate. I want my wedding to be pure and intimate. And I don’t want people being distracted by people that don’t know how to dress or act. Maybe she has had bad experiences, and wants to keep things strict to avoid issues and things that would make her uncomfortable.
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Dedicated April 2021
Janae · on September 15, 2019 at 8:03 AM
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I'm with the other ladies. I would be a rule breaker. Yes you would be in her pictures, but she is asking for way to much. Dress how you normally would for any other wedding. She knows what family she is marrying into. She needs to get onboard.
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Just Said Yes November 2020
Kristen · on September 15, 2019 at 5:18 PM
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Lol holy crow! Good luck! This woman is a bridezilla & your not even in the wedding!! Your father is definitely putting her wants & happiness (???) above his & his daughters. Your a better person then I am, I wouldn’t be going!
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Dedicated August 2020
Erika · on September 16, 2019 at 1:10 PM
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If there is NO dress code for the guests, then yes by all means wear whatever makes you feel comfortable as long as it's in good taste. I'm not implying that you nor your sister would dress inappropriately but I was recently at a wedding reception and just shook my head. While there was no dress code stated, there were some people that were dressed as if they were going to BBQ picnic.
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Dedicated February 2020
Julie · on September 16, 2019 at 4:11 PM
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If there is no dress code, she absolutely cannot dictate this. I'm not even making my bridesmaids cover their tattoos or take out piercings!! That's just ridiculous. When you invite a guest it's (typically) because they are someone important to you. A guests style, hair color, tattoos, peircings, etc. are all a part of their personality.
My wedding is black tie and I'm not being that crazy.
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Devoted May 2019
Rita-Jean · on September 16, 2019 at 7:27 PM
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Oh wow. She's crazy! I really really want to see what you and your sister end up wearing to this wedding!
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VIP June 2019
Danielle K · on September 17, 2019 at 5:10 PM
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IS THIS HER?
AH HECK NO!
-the conservatives side of this would be irritating but understandable
-the tattoos and piercings part would really piss me off but again could be overlooked
-the no drinking is outrageous. if they are serving alcohol and you are an adult, then there is no reason why she should be treating you like a child.
-the no speaking Spanish is racist! How could your father be okay with marrying her???? Does he not share your ethnicity? Actually that doesn't even matter! that is just not acceptable!
-DO NOT SPEAK TO HER FAMILY???? HOW DARE SHE?!
idk if I would be extra petty and attempt to break every single rule simultaneously
or if I would choose to respect myself and DROP HER!
I have gone through a phase of dropping family. if they don't bring positivity to my life, if they don't accept and love me as I am (clearly she does not) then they are gone. maybe try explaining to your father that she is alienating you and that he should not be accepting this behavior. Being a bride does not entitle you to spew hate on anyone especially your future step-children!
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September 2019
Shadd · on September 17, 2019 at 10:13 PM
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I would pick 1-2 rules you are ok with following and if she asked, I would just say there was too much for you to remember so you forgot the rest. Tell her you accidentally deleted the message and was going by memory. 😉
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on September 17, 2019 at 10:27 PM
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I honestly wouldnt go. It sounds like she has picked out everything she dislikes about you and your sister and has made it a point that you need to be a completely different person day of the wedding for appearance purposes
I say dont go, or go and be who you want. You are there for your dad. She isnt your mother and you are an adult
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on September 17, 2019 at 10:33 PM
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😖 idk who that cartoon is haha sorry!

I’m on the razor edge of doing a family purge but the fact one of her children is currently questioning her identity and her mother is absolutely torturing her and my father is no better. I figure if I’m the one accepting voice in her life, it may be worth putting up with her mother’s nonsense.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on September 17, 2019 at 10:34 PM
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Hahaha that’s actually what I was thinking of doing
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on September 17, 2019 at 10:34 PM
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I’m a rebel and I would probably rock all my tats, piercings while wearing a red jumpsuit with matching red lip, fabulous curly hair and speak Spanish to everyone I know. Make sure to give her a big hug and say “welcome to the family” in Spanish too! 😂🤣😂. Be true to yourself. And you can’t control family! Lol. IMO.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on September 17, 2019 at 10:37 PM
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I’m still planning to go for my dad but if she does go too far we may back out.
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Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on September 17, 2019 at 10:41 PM
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Hahaha I love you! I just found out prom dresses come in two pieces now a days. Found this beauty the other day and I’m. So. Tempted. Just kind of want to push it 😝
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Super October 2019
Kat_ · on September 17, 2019 at 10:46 PM
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Oh my gosh.. that’s gorgeous!! You should totally rock that!! I love it! Keep me posted on my hat you decide! ☺️💛
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Beginner July 2021
Nichole · on September 17, 2019 at 10:55 PM
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Wow! What a list. Since you are not a part of the wedding in any way I don't think that she should have this much of a say in what you wear. I understand that her family may be strict and possibly religious. Honestly, I would wear something conservative out of respect for her and her family but she can't control who you talk to all day, or in what language. Just be polite and respectful, if anything for your dad's sake. Good luck!
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on September 17, 2019 at 11:22 PM
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Were you at that one with me where the lady had on the WHITE Jumpsuit and looked to be about 5-7 months 🤰?
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VIP June 2019
Danielle K · on September 18, 2019 at 9:11 AM
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That's the wicked step mother from Cinderella lol
and okay fair enough. good for you being the voice in the storm but remember to prioritize your own sanity too!
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Expert February 2020
Kristal · on September 18, 2019 at 10:03 AM
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I would wear a more conservative (covering) dress in a color she's okay with and some flats. Talk to whomever talks to me and speak to your husband and sister in whatever language you wish. If she says something, I would politely tell her that she does not and never will have that control over you. Also she'll be your step mother, not MIL. You likely already have one of those.
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on September 18, 2019 at 11:26 AM
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In short, your father is marrying a psychopath.....
Wear whatever you like, talk to whomever you like, speak Spanish as much as you want, and eat, drink, and be merry!
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