Guest list add or cut

View Quoted Comment I'm sure they believe they have never done anything wrong

View Quoted Comment They can believe whatever they want.
You feel bad spending time with them. It doesn’t matter why - it could be because they have ugly shoes. Or are Nickelback fans. It truly does not matter. You don’t need to be around them.

I wouldn’t invite them nor would I attempt to remain friends with them. Sounds like they pressured you to do things you didn’t want to do and they didn’t believe you or help you through a trauma.


I would personally cut all ties with them.
It’s not your parents, cousins, siblings wedding you don’t have to tell anyone or explain why or why not youre Inviting or un inviting anyone.

Absolutely do not invite them and stop spending time with these sorry excuses of human beings. Sounds like they keep you around because they enjoy kicking you and bullying you.

I say you should cut them out your life and off the guests list. Don't send them a save the date and don't send them an invitation. They will get the hint and more than likely weed themselves out your life.

View Quoted Comment If it doesn't go well then it will be easier to kick them out your life.


I had a best friend that I was friends with for 13 years as well. We were great friends in high school and we always hung out. After we graduated from high school she changed and was always putting me down for everything. And just using me. One time me and her and her 1 year old son were supposed to hang out at this event and she ended up bringing another friend which obviously wasn't the issue, the issue is that she told me that her and this girl were going to get food and asked if I could watch her son for a minute and of course I said yes. I didn't end up seeing her until the event was just about over 3 hours later and I kept calling her and texting her. Then when I seen one of my other friends I asked him if he had seen her and he said yea she's hanging out with some people over in a different area. Then when I got engaged she talked crap about my ring, relationship and the wedding. So finally I came to my senses and kicked her out of my life. It was a difficult decision at the time to make, but now almost 2 years later I'm so glad I don't have her in my life, she would have ruined the whole wedding experience for me.

Since you seem to keep going back to them, I would say invite them. Since you have already said you were inviting them, keep your word and do it. you don't say anything against them that is not ancient history.

View Quoted Comment You should end your friendship with these women

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing! I'm sorry you had to even make that decision. It sucks

View Quoted Comment Thank you. It sucked at the time and I felt guilty because of the friendship we had back in high school. But I don't regret it at all, it was something I should have done a long time ago. And I have a much happier life now that I don't have someone trying to drag me down. Just about everyone will cross that road in life at one point or another where they realize that where they are going in their journey through life doesn't have room for certain people.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this very much! We ALL come to this crossroad at some point in our life. Sometimes it’s multiple times. Getting married is a major time for sure. The things that affect you individually will affect your marriage. Keep negative people away from the life that you are building with your future husband. That includes friends and family. If your fiancé already thinks they are a bad influence, That kind of says a lot. Trust him. I know that it is hard to just cut people out but you’ll continuously have to make hard decisions, (welcome to adulthood lol) especially once you are married and have to keep your husband and your immediate family unit first in all decisions. Start now and set the tone for the life that you want to have with your husband. Friends who are more aligned with you (hopefully married as well) will come once you let go of the ones who aren’t.
Not sure if you are a Christian, but if you do believe, I would also say pray for strength to not make decisions out of fear and for God to remove those who don’t mean you well from your life. They may just walk out on their own lol.
Wishing you a beautiful wedding day and hopefully more peaceful planning :-)

View Quoted Comment I agree with everything Samantha has said/asked. You put “friends” in quotes - that tells me everything. I’ve had to cut toxic people out of my life who I knew for years. It is like removing a 20 ton rock from your neck. Cut these people out of your life. If they cause a scene, who cares? That’s on them.

View Quoted Comment How do I got about it though since I kind of told them yeah, but that my shower invites got sent out and it didn't include them? They were fine not coming to my shower, but ugh I hate being in such a pickle like this. And cannot believe they put me on the spot like that!

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You don’t need to say a word. Block them from social media. Do not answer their phone calls. Do not visit when they ask you out for coffee. Cutting them out of your life means blocking them in all areas and not interacting at all moving forward.

View Quoted Comment IF (and that’s a huge IF....I recommend just cutting off contact) you see them again and it comes up: “We’ve had a change in plans and unfortunately, we will not be able to extend an invitation to our wedding.”


If they have a bad reaction, so what? If they throw a tantrum, that’s on them - they look foolish. If they tell/get verbally abusive, you leave.
If you invite them, you’ll be unhappy that they are there. If you tell them they aren’t coming, there will be some awkwardness/social discomfort. So, either way, you are going to face a difficult situation. Which one is less tolerable to you? Personally, I’d rather put up with a potentially awkward conversation now than have people I really don’t like/want in my life at my wedding. Sometimes, we have to do stuff that makes us or others uncomfortable or unhappy, but it’s the right thing to do.

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Exactly!

People who cause scenes are responsible for the fallout. You don't have to stand there and engage when someone does something like that. Causing scenes is incredibly rude to *everyone* in the vicinity. It is unacceptable behavior. You are under no obligation to manage their temper tantrum. Walk away. Literally just leave the situation. Behaving like that means the person has no sense of appropriate behavior, and you don't need to feel responsible for it.

This does mean that you need to no make sure you are "stuck" with someone who is prone to scenes. Don't drive with them. Don't hang out with them. Don't meet them places. They aren't your friends.

Honestly, I agree with the others. It's time to cut these ladies out. Don't feel awkward about it if you're confronted in a group setting. They're the ones who are being classless. Shift your viewpoint of it being awkward and uncomfortable for you. Make them feel awkward and uncomfortable for having the audacity to ask in the first place.

"So I know you guys asked last time we hung out if you were invited to the wedding, because I felt pressured to give you a response right then I said you were. After further reflection, I've decided that's not a good idea, and honestly I don't think this friendship is a good idea either. You've belittled me and made me feel like an after thought, and I'm better than that. With that said, no you guys are not invited to the wedding, nor are you invited to be a part of my life anymore. I'm out!" And walk out. Don't respond to texts, don't respond to social media. If someone tells you they're talking trash, say that's disappointing that they'd be that way, but it's not surprising and one of the reasons you ended your friendship with them.

Keep your head up, you're not in the wrong here.

View Quoted Comment Yup. - you do need to respond to anything. You don’t need to convince them. Just refuse to engage.

You seem concerned about the opinions of people who are mean to you, who have put you in dangerous situations, and who do not respect you.

I would not invite them. Sure they will be upset, because you told them they were invited (which you shouldn't have done). But you don't owe them anything. They already treat you horribly. Cut them out of your life and make space and time for people who love and care about you instead.

View Quoted Comment I never expected them to straight up ask me so I panicked and said yeah sure. Geez, no one can say they wouldn't have done the same being put on the spot like that.