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Cassi
Super October 2019

Guest List and bridesmaid Frustration

Cassi, on September 16, 2019 at 4:55 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 31

Hey Guys! 26 days to go till I go from Miss to Mrs.! I am so excited! That being said I'm pretty frustrated in a certain situation and maybe could use some positive outlooks... lol btw sorry for the long post, just a little venting. Guest list frustration: We are having a DW so all the guests have...

Hey Guys!

26 days to go till I go from Miss to Mrs.! I am so excited! That being said I'm pretty frustrated in a certain situation and maybe could use some positive outlooks... lol btw sorry for the long post, just a little venting.

Guest list frustration:

We are having a DW so all the guests have to travel. Most people are coming in a few days before and leaving the day after or 2 days after. Being a DW I was fully prepared for a lot of declines. I am a tad annoyed that my RSVP date was Friday and I am still missing about half my RSVPS but thats fine. We counted on having about 80 out of our 120 guests show right now we are sitting at 65 so not too terrible!

My frustration lies in my little cousin (who is not so little actually I have just always called her that). I gave her a plus one even though she wasn't in any relationship (Her parents have money to throw around so I knew she would end up bringing someone anyways). Shes bringing this guy she started seeing and they are coming into town on the 10th ( we get married on the 13th). She mentioned to me that her family and and her will be leaving on Monday (we are getting married Sunday) but he has to leave on Sunday (the day of my wedding). Again not a huge deal but then she tells me because they are flying in and renting a car together she will have to take him to the airport for his 8pm flight and the airport is about an hour away. Assuming he has to be there an hour early that is 7pm which means they will need to leave by 6pm (which is right when dinner starts) I know she will be there for the ceremony and thats what counts but its still frustrating shes leaving for the entire reception.

side note: my cousin and I have always been very close and we live pretty far away but we make sure we are there for all the important things. I understand why shes doing it but still frustrates me a little.

Bridesmaid frustration:

I have one bridesmaid that is literally driving me bonkers. I love her to death we have been friends for 11 years but she tends to get head over heels in love with all he SO's really close which in turn results in her being super flaky ALL the time. She started dating this girl back in the end of July or beginning of August and I met her once for my friends birthday and guys, this girl has the worst case of RBF I have ever seen. It took her an hour and half to even say hello to me at the party( I say party but it was like 8 people at a bar) because she was just standing back watching everyone, it was so weird. All that aside I of course extended her an invite to the wedding and she has confirmed she will be coming. Now on to the bridesmaid.... she was having financial issues during my bachelorette weekend which is okay I actually paid for her to come because it was important to me and she really wanted to come. That being said I did that out of the goodness of my heart not expecting anything from her other than her to be there and have a good time. We got there on friday and left on sunday. She called me friday and said she got called into work and couldn't make it out there that night but would be there saturday morning, cool nop big deal I totally get it. My hours constantly change. Saturday morning comes around and she calls me at 930 and lets me know she is on her way... She doesn't show up until 230pm because she was hanging with the girlfriend... again no big deal all we were doing was beach and thats not for everyone. She gets out to the house we rented and over the course of the night talked to the girl friend on the phone at least 4 different times and excused herself from all bachelorette festivities.... I was a little annoyed but let it go. This past weekend was my bridal shower which she and her girlfriend RSVPd yes to. She messages me friday and says " Hey, I worked 50 hours this week and have two papers due on monday for school. Would you be mad if I didn't go to the shower?" I was in school and I work 70 hours a week, I get it. I told her absolutely not I completely understand. Do what you got to do... that was until I saw her facebook and she posted pictures out to lunch with the girlfriend and hanging with other friends.... okay now a little annoyed.... THEN she calls me yesterday and goes " Hey I was just wondering if you have a timeline fo wedding events when we get to TN. Ashleys family is from up there so we are going to spend time with her family and we kind of want to make it our first vacation together so we have some dates planned. I just want to make sure the scheduling all lines up." So slightly frustrated I tell her yeah no big deal I get it we are up there for a week so theres plenty of time. I just need her to be free on Saturday because thats the rehearsal and day we all decided to get nails done and sunday for the wedding. She goes on to tell me okay but on Saturday can we make it quick because they want to go apple picking....

Guys! I am so frustrated its unreal! Am I in the wrong? Like I get it the bridal parties job is to show up and thats it but she wanted to go to both parties and made it clear so I went out of my way to arrange it and then she bails because the girlfriend. Same with the trip. I am only asking for 2 days of the 9 she will be there....

31 Comments

  • J
    Savvy March 2020
    Jenna ·
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    Are you kidding me?? Can you read, Judith? No, seriously, can you? Cassi has said in more than one comment that she is paying for EIGHT days and only needs TWO for wedding things that she needs the bridal party present for (the day the selfish (yep I said it) bridesmaid wants to go apple picking and the wedding.) CASSI HAS ALREADY SAID SHE CAN DO "TOURISTY" THINGS ANY OF THE OTHER DAYS THAT SHE ISN'T DOING WEDDING STUFF. There are literally SIX other days the bridesmaid can choose from that Cassi has already told her she can do whatever she wants.

    Where are you even getting that Cassi wants all the time and attention? Shoot, if it were me I would have gone off that bridesmaid already, Cassi seems have way more patience and understanding than I do.

    Cassi, you are not being selfish, your "friend" is. She is not being a good friend to you, and I think you should talk with her about it. Your expectations do not need to be adjusted, your friend's priorities when it comes to your wedding need to be adjusted. I hope it all works out, you seem like a really good person! I'm confident your wedding will be amazing! Smiley smile

    Judith, I am a long time reader, and this is the first time I've commented. I'm commenting because you have been continually nasty and mean to posters on here. You are the forum's bully, and it's high time someone called you out on it. If you don't have anything at least constructive to say, you should keep it to yourself.

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Wow I really appreciate you responding and sticking up for me. I didn't even want the full day on Saturday just the time for those two events that day. I more so just made my post because I needed to vent because I don't want to stir up wedding party drama by getting other girls involved and shes a good family friend of ours so I didn't want to talk to my mom about it either because my mom already feels the new girlfriend is very controlling over her. Don't get me started about talking to FH about it. He is already annoyed with how much she has bailed on things we have paid for her to do with us so that would have been icing on the cake so I just went to the one safe place I know which is here where no one knows her and I could just get my feelings off my chest.

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  • Tigriswc
    September 2020
    Tigriswc ·
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    You've handled it really, really well. I don't think your friend has done anything wrong per se (life happens), but it's still ok to be frustrated. I might be a good idea to talk to her about that. Your wedding's a big, life-changing event for you, and you'd like your friend to be a bit more engaged in it. That's understandable.


    Do be clear that Saturday is a no-go for apple-picking. You need her undivided attention the day before the wedding, with no risks or chance of scheduling problems. Hopefully she can go apple-picking a different day.


    (With regard to social media posts of going out to lunch... unless you know otherwise, it could have been a short break or even from another day).

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  • Angel
    Savvy December 2022
    Angel ·
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    Get blunt she’s also not a good friend if she can’t give you two days
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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2019
    Samantha ·
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    You are not in the wrong at all and have everything right to be extremely upset and frustrated with her. If you did this right her for her wedding and the festivities leading up to it I'm sure she wouldn't be happy. Its hurtful and its your wedding which is the only reason they're even going there together in the first place. I'm sorry this is happening to you, at this point I would be blunt with her and tell her no, you cannot make it quick on Saturday and that you've had these plans. If she wants to dip out early then that's on her but you should not be coordinating another around her schedule, its supposed to be the other way around. I hope she realizes soon that she needs to be more supportive.
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  • J
    Savvy March 2020
    Jenna ·
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    Of course! You seem very nice and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer haha! You are doing great and I really do sincerely hope your friend snaps out of it for you! There are going to be more supportive people on here than naysayers, and the goodhearted ones will be here when you need to vent! You deserve a great day! Smiley smile

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  • Samantha
    Dedicated May 2020
    Samantha ·
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    You are definitely a much more patient person that I am. I would've talked to her about it after the second incidence and if it did not stop she would no longer be a bridesmaid for my wedding. I do understand that no one cares as much about my wedding day as I do, but to me that is unacceptable. She wanted to be a part of the activities and then bailed so she would've been out

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Honestly this just started with the new girlfriend. i think its the girlfriends doing. Its been a rough year for us this year with my sister passing away (my sister was her ex of 6 years but they had been split for a few years and were best friends). And I think she just dove head first into this relationship and the girl just seems super controlling. Like the bachelorette weekend she literally called her at least 3 times each call lasting at least 30 minutes each when she knew she was out with friends and family.

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Thanks girl! I appreciate that! Were all going through the same thing I don't get why people get mean or nasty or anything like that.

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  • J
    Savvy March 2020
    Jenna ·
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    Of course! We all gotta stick together!

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  • Julie
    Dedicated February 2020
    Julie ·
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    Totally understand your frustration. It sounds like you have been really understanding and supportive - which is just awesome! Honestly, I would probably tell her it's going to be a really busy weekend and the schedule is bound to change - it's true. Talk to her and express your concerns that since no wedding schedule is airtight, you are worried if she makes other plans she might miss something.


    The reality is that your wedding is not the time for them to meet each other's family and have dates as a first vacation. Committing to your wedding means being there that weekend and not trying to squeeze a date in.

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