Guest List and Family Drama

It is a hard lesson to learn, but ‘No.’ is s complete sentence. It will not be easy to tell your parents no, but it is your only option. You’ve got this!

Dear Shaina,

We're having the same issues... My family is actually very understanding, but my FH's mother is obsessed with mentally abusing us regarding the guest list/cost of the wedding. We haven't asked her for anything, and yet she will make comments like, "I just don't know what you expect from us!" For quite literally no reason. Recently, after going through the same loop with her and explaining that my family is paying for the wedding, she threw us a curve ball and handed us a list of 30+ people to invite. My future husband feels like he owes it to his parents and these random people that have passed through his life to invite them.

This is my issue: Our wedding reception is about 6 hours. Which means at our original mark (60 people), we would have had around 6 minutes to talk to each person the entire wedding, and that's if we're on-point. Now, with the list reaching 90, we may have 4 minutes to talk to each person. In addition, the point (other than us to have fun looking good, haha) of us spending our savings of 3 years on this wedding is so that our families, who have never, ever met, can meet. Why would we invite rude cousins and people like my paternal grandparents, who are never in our lives? So that our families can sit at two corners of the venue like boys and girls at a middle school dance?

Maybe you can speak to your mother and explain the time aspect, and to explain that you want the people of your choosing to get to know the people of his choosing, that way you can bridge the gap. That's what a wedding is for! Right? Other than tradition, of course!

Anyways, thank you so much for your post! My advice would be to do the math with her. Does she want to spend the whole time without being able to speak with your FH's parents or siblings, on accident? My biggest concern is that my FMIL is trying to pad herself with friends so that she doesn't have to speak to my family...

Aubrianna Abbema

“No” is a full sentence. However many parents, especially ones who have wedding traditions, will keep you on your toes no matter what. My parents are the same way. There are many Polish wedding traditions they want and expect us to have and I’m just like “no.” Point blank period. It’s not what I want.
Since you and FH have paid for the wedding, it’s ultimately your decision.
It is hard when parents don’t approve or aren’t happy with your wedding choices.. but it’ll be okay. And unfortunately your parents are going to need to face the reality that Covid is going to affect your guest list. Only invite people you really want to be there. If your parents try to argue, or not talk about it rather, then so be it. Nod and smile, but continue with your original plans.Sit down with your FH and discuss this in depth. Then follow up with the parents. It won’t be an easy battle but you got this!Don’t drop your happiness for your parents. It’s your day!

View Quoted Comment I couldn't agree more. Sylvia,Paige said it all.

Thank goodness you’re paying for it! “No” is definitely a complete sentence. Keep sticking to your 50 maximum. It may also be easier to just stick to immediate family (so you have room for friends), because I can see the slippery slope of “Well you invited aunt A but not aunt B and C, which isn’t fair.”


You got this!

Say the guest list is final and you will not discuss it further. Have your fiance back you up.

Hi! I just got engaged and I too am trying to plan an Indian wedding in which my family is in denial about the Covid. They think because I’m getting married, it’s ok to gather everyone! On top of that, my fiancé lives in Canada and the variant situation is just out of hand. We are tentatively doing December 2021; however, I’m just not that confident on having over 50 people will actually happen


Culturally, it is tough. I see from your parents point that they want to do this nice wedding, and freely invite everyone, but this pandemic is what it is.
Personally, the idea of doing an intimate style wedding now and doing a larger party later is appealing to me. I suggested this to my family today and they seem to be “thinking” about it, so perhaps suggest that you guys can do a stress free party without the worry of safety or illness or other risks, etc