Guest list dilemma

No, do not invite the kids or put rsvp info for them.

Are you including his kids? I think if they’re still together over a year from now, you should have had time to get to know her and her children (if you live near them) and it would be rude at that time to include his kids and not hers.

Date twins!! congrats!! I say no on inviting her kids, especially if she's a plus one

At this point I would say count on inviting her kids (if you are inviting his) - because you don't know where their relationship will be next year. Since invitations won't go until 6-8 weeks before the wedding you have time to figure it out. They may be married (or broken up) by the time your invitations need to go out and if you've planned for the extra four, then you don't have a surprise. Just my opinion though.

If she’s a girlfriend then as a significant other, she is an automatic invite. It’s not up to you to determine the validity of the relationship when you are are asking them to celebrate yours. A significant other is never a plus one.. a random stranger is a plus one though for a truly single guest.


It is rude to allow some kids while you don’t allow others to attend (including flower/ring children), and you will offend your guests even though they will never tell you. Keep all rules consistent across the board.

Are you inviting anyone else's kids? The easiest way to handle this would be to invite no children at all (except your flower girl/ring bearer if you have them).

If she’s just a plus one there is no reason to invite her kids. You don’t know them and even if you did it just seems weird to me.

If they’re dating, she’s his significant other, not his plus one. I say, make an effort to meet her children or don’t invite his children. Your invitations don’t even go out for over a year, they could have gotten married and had a baby by then.

Since the dad is in the wedding party, if you are inviting kids, you do need to invite them. I get that it will add several hundred more to your catering venue, but he’s the best man so close to your fh.
I ran into a similar situation with my brother. He has 6 kids, they all have kids, inviting everyone would be 32 people. I talked to him and he laughed and said of course I don’t need to invite them.
However, with blended families it’s really important to not separate kids into groups. It’s also possible that they will want a break for the wedding. Seven kids would be a handful!

If you are having children at the wedding, you need to include all children, including the guest’s partner’s children, and whether they bring all seven children between them is up to them. Otherwise, the only way you can get away with not having her children come is if you flat out have a child-free wedding

View Quoted Comment Not everyone feels this way. For many, and most traditionalists, if you invite children as you do adults, just those in WP, or those of family, or those of very close friends, in circles according to how close your relationship is, that is fine. It is not any guest's business if you invite your 3 great aunts and it is not anyone else's business if you invite children. The host, not the guest, determines who is invited. Other people do not have to think it is fair. (Mother of 5)

I think I'm disagreeing with the theme here but you definitely dont need to invite her kids. I do agree that she isnt considered a "plus one" (she will be addressed by name on the invitation, correct?) - but that doesnt mean her kids are automatically included - especially if you dont know them.

I have a weirdly similar situation as well - my cousin Michal got married to a man (Michai) in late 2019 who has 3 kids (teens) from a previous marriage. I have met them maybe once and have no relationship with them - so even though they are technically my cousin's step-children, they are not invited to the wedding, HOWEVER, the baby that Michal and Michai have together (who will be approx 1 at the time of my wedding) is invited along with her parents.

Hope my decision helps make you feel more comfortable about yours.

Hi new friends! Let me start off by saying thank you so much for the insight and input and it’s helped me figure out how to arrange the wedding guest list and such! In terms of giving her a “plus one” title wasn’t meant as an insult, just as a way to say “he’s in a happy relationship where he will hopefully bring his girlfriend” thus making her a happily invited guest. By no means am I dismissive or looking down on her, I was thinking of it “oh, it’s Max’s girlfriend Amy”! The relationship here is between my fiancé and Max so that’s the one that I was focused on, but of course I’m happy max is finally got someone who makes him happy and excited for little adventures in life, including his dear friends wedding! Once again, no interned disrespect, just a way I spoke to make sense to the story ☺️

Just to clarify a "plus one" is for truly single people to bring a date. Those are optional. It's not the same as inviting the partner of someone in a couple, which should always happen.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the info! I took it as the definition of “a persons guest at a social function”, not as means to signify who’s single or married or in a complicated relationship! Thanks everyone!

View Quoted Comment

No worries! Wasn't actually thinking of you specifically, it's often confused around here so I just thought I'd point it out. Good luck!