Guest list with divorced parents😬

Your mom needs to be an adult and put her feelings about your stepmom aside for her daughter’s wedding. If she doesn’t have a good time simply because of someone else’s presence, well, that’s her own fault.

It sounds like all the parents involved need to grow up and act maturely. Their feelings need to be put to the side and allow you this day to enjoy yourself. I would have an honest conversation with everyone separately putting your expectations out there. If they can't contain their emotions then they need to be uninvited.

Both of your moms need to put aside their differences and just ignore each other and focus on you during your wedding. Kudos to you for staying afloat during all this conflict.
Due to my parents being divorced and the awkwardness between them, I decided to opt out of a wedding and elope.

They all need to get over it. Clearly the divorce was decades ago and they shouldn’t be harboring that much resentment for each other anymore. Tell them everyone is invited and that they are all expected to act like the adults they are. They don’t have to speak to each other. But it’s your wedding day. Be clear with them that you’re not choosing sides and you’re not excluding anyone.

My brother had both my parents there and my father’s girlfriend and daughter. We put a buffer between them for the ceremony and seating chart put them on two sides of the room.


My father is terrible to me, so he’s not coming to mine. However, if you and your dad get along, just lay down a firm rule that they leave your mother alone. (I’m sure your mom won’t want to go near them). If mom complains offer the alternative of her not seeing you get married (ie elope) and I’m sure she’ll make eye. It works for my brother. (My niece had her first birthday and he had to do that again and told my mom he laid down the law).
Best of luck!

Okay. I am sorry you are going through this.



Explain to your mother that this woman is who your father chose to be with, and while you know it hurts and angers her, she needs to be there. And that if she is going to let some woman ruin the fact HER daughter is getting married that is sad!
If anything I would’ve expected her to gloat over “*I* am Mother of the Bride- YOU are nothing!” As my soon to be MIL would do! Maybe make sure to include the walk in as MOTHER of the Bride____ and FATHER of the Bride ____.

Unless you are having an extremely small wedding, like 15-40ppl, you SHOULD be able to keep them separated the majority of the time.

You will be too busy with other guests to have to pay attention to her, as you’ve stated you dislike her also. And can always use the excuse you cannot stay and chat and disregard other guests.

You also need to sit down with your dad and talk to him. Let him know that your mom realllllly dislikes her, and you aren’t too keen, and to try to keep her with him, and away from your mom- and you. That it IS his choice to have her come, but, it could cause drama.

All weddings have some kind of drama- sometimes it’s huge, others it’s minor. I know mine will have its share- but between private “undercover” security I’ve hired and the Resort/Casinos own I’m good.

1000% feel you. I just went through this with my mom, but she expected that my dad wouldn't actually be invited. But I couldn't imagine not having him there, despite my misgivings and my own personal drama with him, so he is invited. My mom shutdown. All her excitement was poof, gone. It truly did upset me because she's like my best friend.

Best advice? Sit both sides down and tell them what you want. Let your mom know that she is still tour mon, but it's your right to have your dad there if you want him there. This is not an easy situation, but I hope everyone can pull together for you! Remember that the important part is getting married - there will always be some drama, but then everyone can go on with their llves.

They need to put their feelings aside for you. My husband's parents have been separated for like 15 years. They had been in the process of a divorce, but my father-in-law ran out of money to pay the attorney so the divorce was never finalized. He is also engaged. My mother-in-law, father-in-law and his fiancee got along just fine. My father-in-law is also estranged from two of his four children. All four children were at the wedding since my husband is close with all of his siblings. His daughter that he is estranged from was one of my bridesmaids. The flower girls, usher and ring bearer are all children of the son he is estranged from. There were no problems. We made sure to sit them at different tables. My father-in-law and brother-in-law (the estranged son) even talked at the wedding which was suprising. They put aside their own personal feelings to ensure we had an amazing day. They didn't want to let their personal feelings ruin our wedding. This is exactly what your family needs to do. If your mom lets your step-mom's presence at your wedding ruin the day for her that's on her. Your step-mom has every right be at your wedding as she is married to your dad and has been for a while.

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Exactly this! I'm not a fan of my son's father in any way, but there is no way I would allow those feeling to cloud my son's day for any occasion. We are adults and we can get along for the sake of our child. Your mom needs to put herself aside for you and your day. What you should absolutely not do is purposefully not invite your step-mom, she is your dad's wife. You can sit them at different tables for the reception and limit contact, but they should all be able to be cordial.

My parents are divorced. My mom has re-married but my dad has not. My dad and step dad have gone at it, like bad over the years so when I did my guest list, they were all obviously invited and I also sat them beside each other. I am not going to baby sit adults. They had to make a choice to get along or not. You can see in this picture just how EXCITED they were to have to be nice to each other lol

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with caytlyn. They're adults. They can pretend the other isn't there for your sake.

Ask her why, with so many other people there that she knows and loves, she's willing to give ONE person the power to ruin her day at your wedding. She's an adult and should be able to ignore her presence.

I'm not a fan of my step father (and not a lot of people are because he's an a**), but I am still inviting him due to the fact that my mom is married to him. Even though your mom may not be happy with it, it is kind of rude to not invite a spouse, especially your dad's spouse. My entire family is basically divorced and remarried. They did not like each other in the beginning due to obvious reasons, but over the years they have learned to set aside their differences for their children and grandchildren. We all get together for weddings, birthday parties, wedding & baby showers, etc with no issues. I mean, what happens if you have kids? Have separate baby showers and birthday parties? Like others have said, your mom will need to put her dislikes aside and enjoy celebrating her daughter getting married. It's your day and that's all that should matter.

I am not sure if you had your wedding already or if this has been resolved, but I would like to just add that my cousins mother and step mother + father DO NOT GET ALONG. There has been family drama ever since he was little. His step mom has also been in his life for 20 years and he lived with them when staying at his dads. All adults respectively were so well behaved at his wedding, I was actually shocked. They did not mingle with one another and did their own things with their own family during the wedding and everyone had a great time bc his parents chose to put aside their feelings for one another to be their for their son on his wedding day. I hope you can make your mom and step mom see that the day is about you and your fiance and they can agree to just steer clear of one another and get along for a few hours for their child.

Best of luck!