Guest List Woes - Need to vent

The groomsman sounds like a terrible friend who is letting his girlfriend steamroll him. I actually think you made the wrong move by letting the friend comes as it seems the gf/friend like attention and drama. Also it’s completely inappropriate and rude for them to make this demand. I’d uninvite all of them. FH isn’t going to be friends with this guy much longer after the wedding either way. There’a already anger and resentment on both sides. Why even bother having them come now? Gf won’t ever let GM move past this one.

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I agree in that in hindsight, I wish we had put our foot down and said no, but I also saw how sad this was making FH. I have felt for a long time that this particular friend takes advantage of my fiance a lot but the fiance doesn't seem to see it. I was totally shocked at the gf's behavior as she's not normally one to start drama - like I thought we were friendly. It's just SO weird. Like WHO DOES THIS!? I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it is inappropriate.

Also, I am a pretty forgiving person, so as annoyed as I am today I won't let it ruin my day and I will obviously be kind to this friend etc. She's a super nice person, I don't want to hold this against her at all. I also wonder if they just aren't used to a more formal wedding etiquette in general? Idk.

View Quoted Comment Good for you. You’re more forgiving than most. I really hope it all works out and FH has a good friendship with him after. I hope he doesn’t get let down. Either way sounds like you’re accepting and forgiving of the situation.

Ugh, how annoying - sorry you and your FH had to go thru that unnecessary drama. People really don't have common sense... 1. why would they think to invite her? that's not their job or place. 2. why would the friend think it's okay to receive an invitation from someone other than the bride and groom?

ugh! hope it all works out in the end and there's no more drama with them!

Wow!! Avoiding drama by letting a guest bring someone after saying no , are you serious??
1. What a wonderful friend this groomsman is and what an awesome girlfriend he has for walking over him on something that is neither about her, nor about her boyfriend.
2. I'm not sure why this selfish couple (the awesome groomsman and his even more awsome girlfriend assumed they could bring a +1 in the 1st place. There's a huge diffence between asking if you can get a +1 ... and assuming you get one without even asking the bride or groom.3. I'm not sure why this girl would want to attend the wedding of a couple she only met ONCE. I'm not sure how you can, as a guest, enjoy a ceremony, the vows , reception speeches/toasts if you're having them and the 1st dance, for example, when you don't know at least one member of the couple.4. I'm extremely shocked your FH gave in over something like this! What if the wonderful groomsman is ever upset for not being the best man or because his fantastic girlfriend is upset for not being a MOH or a bridesmaid?

View Quoted Comment 1. It’s a super strange situation. I actually am not sure if the girlfriend is the problem I’m more thinking it is this groomsmen. He’s not really the push over type.
2. I also don’t know why these people assumed they could bring a guest? Like no where in the history of wedding etiquette does an entire couple get to bring a +1?
3. I guarantee this girl is going to feel uncomfortable and I also don’t understand why she would even want to come?4. It was a joint decision. My FH was actually more likely to say no, I just also know him well enough to know that he would be sad if this guy wasn’t there, and despite the annoyance and craziness of it all, one more guest isn’t going to ruin anything, especially for the sake of my FH and his friendships. That’s more important to me than any wedding. These two guys have been friends since diapers and it would have caused more problems if he said no. I don’t think anymore drama is coming from either of them, that’s not really normal for either member of this couple. (Also LOL at this girl if she would assume she’s a bridesmaid) but we have discussed if they cause any more problems to respectfully ask them not to come.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! Me too!

View Quoted Comment You are fine with this, so is your FH: great news!
However, I can't believe how selfish of them it is.
A TRUE friend doesn't act this way about a thing that's not about thel. The GROOMSMAN probably knows your fiancé absolutely wants him to attend the bachelor and the wedding, he is taking advantage of the situation. Especially for someone who doesn't care about you and doesn't care about your fiancé either and won't even remember your names 6 months from your wedding day.My first reply was emotional/nervous because both my fiancé and myself wouldn't invite the girlfriend's friend and we would even reconsider our relationship with the guy and his babe, I mean: we wouldn't call 'friends' people wh are trying to make our wedding or pre-wedding events about them.Plus we decided that we wouldn't allow anyone to get a.+1 (all guests' spouses, partnersw serious significant other are invited of course but they are not + 1s, a +1 is a total stranger to you and your partner).We are not especially selfish/self centered but I DO think that a wedding (+ pre-wedding parties) are the only times in your life when being self centered is normal and even expected LOL.

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I think you are absolutely spot on that the groomsmen is manipulating how much my FH wants him there for some sort of leverage. For a long time this groomsmen was kind of the hot-shot of the group and now that we are all in our 30's being arrogant and getting girls doesn't impress people anymore. I think it bugs this particular friend.

I had a whole lot more, but at the risk of giving away too much personal/identifying/specific stuff I'l just say your first message didn't bother me and I thought it was fine - nothing that needed an explanation

I'm sorry this groomsman and his GF are being such jerks! Honestly, I wouldn't give into them. It's not their day and it's rude to demand that an extra guest tag along with them to your wedding.

If this guy wants to put his friendship with your FH in jeopardy, then let him. It's unfortunate that they have a friend visiting the same weekend, but the way they're handling it is totally out of line.

Something like this happened to my FH and me recently and we just said, "Sorry, but the wedding is just for close friends and family, and space is limited."