Guest list

Wow, rude of him! If anybody should be cut it's the friends he doesnt talk to! I hope he comes around and sees things your way!

That is not ok! I would be really serious about it and try to let him know how I feel and the logic about it but I would not be willing to cut my guest list if they’re family that I love specially thinking how it’s my wedding too and that I want people that are special to me to be there too. It’s not about who contributes. Or is eeeeveryone from his list contributing? I would try to have a middle but have my family the for sure(this is all just my opinion) Hopefully you can solve this in a way that both of you end up happy and within you budget

Oooh boy, this is already a red flag. Tell him that you are not sacrificing your family invites for people he hasn't spoken to in years. We instigated a "five year" rule. If we haven't seen or spoken to someone in the last five years then they don't get an invitation. We also made it a rule that if either of us had never been introduced to the person they weren't invited either. It concerns me that he wants to limit your family guests to "only those contributing". Are any of these friends of his contributing? I doubt it, and yet he wants to invite them.

No ma'am, I would tell him right quick that it's unacceptable to replace your family with coworkers/friends of his!

View Quoted Comment Stefanie, I don’t think he is going to budge. He said what he lacks in family he is making up in friends. He even told me he is inviting some of his bosses. I told him I am cool with my bosses as well but they are not invited.

I told my fiance that it's family first and then after that we can see how many friends we can invite. If he had his way, he'd invite everyone he's ever met in his life. 🙄 anyway, there were some "friends" I said he couldn't invite because he hasn't talked to or seen them in YEARS! Basically just acquaintances. I have few friends invited compared to family, but I feel family (if close) is more important to invite first.

I hope I can get through to him. He is so stubborn and persistent on this. Honestly with him inviting “friends” he has not talked to or seen in years, I am guessing there is a good chance they won’t come.

It should always be family first unless there’s a huge family issue. That’d be a flag to me that he is wanting his random friends over your family...

Sorry sis seems like a red flag.

View Quoted Comment I hope you can get a way to get through him and make him see what’s important for you too since it’s such an important topic. In my case it was quite the opposite, my guest list was bigger so I tried to cut it down and get people that was important for him, best wishes for you ❤️

Let me get this straight. Your fiance is inviting more people than you. Friends, coworkers, family, people he hasn't spoken in a while. Presumably most of these people are not contributing monetarily. In order to keep the budget under control, he is telling you to cut down your invite list (which is family only) based on who is contributing or not?

If that is what is happening (correct me if I'm wrong!) you don't have a budget or a guest list problem. You have a fiance problem. You have a selfish fiance who cares more about inviting people he hasn't spoken to in a while over your family. You have a fiance who doesn't care about your nearest and dearest, and how you feel about the people at your wedding.

This is a huge red flag. When you marry, your partner's happiness is your happiness. Your partner's family is your family. And vice versa. I would have a serious talk with him, and examine this relationship for any other red flags. Then think about what the rest of your life will be like if you marry a man so self centered.

Hopefully I misunderstood your post! Good luck.

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I completely agree with this. Red flag!

That’s ridiculous.

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So well put. When I first read the OP, I didn't know how to put into words (without sounding too critical/harsh as I know that's one of my things I need to work on) how inconsiderate and selfish her FH was being. You put it extremely well.

OP, after reading your other post about concerns with your FH's relationships with women you've never met, you may want to reexamine everything. While I understand some sides are larger than others (my FH's side of the guest list is larger than mine), your FH's lack of flexibility with his guests, coupled with the fact that he wants to invite some women on his bachelor's trip (which in and of itself isn't necessarily a red flag, but given the fact that he doesn't seem interested in introducing them to you makes me raise an eyebrow) would make me take a second look at the relationship (or at least lead to several very serious conversations, potentially with a mediator (therapist, counselor, etc.) involved). As Willow said, I do truly hope this is a case of only hearing a portion of the information (as given by two online posts) and your FH is not as egotistical as he is coming across.

View Quoted Comment I definitely agree that some red flags are going up. That's definitely not okay to limit your family. You need to be firm and stand your ground. Family comes first over his coworkers.

Co-workers come and go. Family doesn’t. If your close to cousins, yes. I only had a few aunts I was close to. Those people that are single no dates-including family! If the venue is $100 a person than you each can invite Xx guest whoever it is. It’s called compromise. If you can’t do it before your wedding, you need to turn the other way and run for the hills. I don’t care who’s paying for it. You don’t have a wedding with a cover charge.

View Quoted Comment 100% agree and so well put. You definitely have a “fiancé problem” and not a guest list problem. 🚩

I told him, he has to come up with the money for all of these extra people he is inviting to the wedding/reception. Because I already have the money to pay for my side of the guest list. Which I honestly believe he is only inviting a lot of these people to the wedding so he can play catch up with them.

I agree with the other posters. That’s absolutely a concern. First, family does not have to contribute to get an invite. Now, if you’re inviting family that you are not necessarily close with and don’t care for, that’s the rare exception. But, that’s your family and if you want them there, then they do not need to be cut from the list. His friends however are not a necessity. While it’s nice to want them there and to include them, they should be the first to go from the list. Honestly, my FH & I sat down and created a number. Our total guest list is 160 which means we both get 80 invites. Whoever we decide to invite, as long as they’re in our 80 is fine. I think you two should approach it like that.

Wow, I have to say this is a red flag about your fiancé! I would definitely be questioning the quality and longevity of the relationship if he doesn’t value your family or his fiancés wishes.
And I DEFINITELY would NOT be even entertaining the idea of cutting family members from my wedding in favor of my FH’s casual friends. SMH. He is putting you in a very unkind situation.

I’m gonna second what everyone else is saying and say it’s a big red flag. How is it okay that you have to sacrifice invites (family, to boot!) so he can invite acquaintances? You guys need to be a team. It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in being a team. Also, your bachelor party post combined with this makes something seem way off about your fiancé.