Guest list

View Quoted Comment Good for you for sticking up for yourself. However, I hate to say this but I think you're putting a tiny bandaid on a gaping wound.

Generally speaking, as a matter of principle, I strongly believe that when you're getting married, you're all family and friends now, there's no his vs hers. For example, if my fiance wants to invite 20 more people than me, AND these are people that are close to him, AND it's within our budget, I am not going to make him contribute more to the wedding budget. Bear in mind, we have a very small joint account, the rest we keep separate.

Your situation is very different from my example. Your fiance is demanding that you sacrifice having your loved ones at the wedding so he can play catch up with people he hasn't seen in a while. He wants you to subsidize a reunion for him and just him. His priority is not celebrating marriage with the nearest and dearest for the BOTH of you. Your fiance has put you in a position where you have to tell him he has to come up with the money for his own guest list, in the interest of sheer fairness. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic. I really hope you consult with a relationship counselor (on your own, not with him) to work through these red flags. Your fiance's attitude is not the kind of thing that will change. I think he is a narcissicist.

Best of luck

I honestly see where my fiancé is coming from with this whole wedding guest list he has created. I don’t agree with it but I know where it stems from. Because that is how his twin sister and her husband had their wedding, lots of friends and only family who was contributing to the wedding and that seems to be what his parents are trying to get us to do. Just because they are not close with their family. I just wish he was not so stubborn. As he says “what he lacks in family, he makes up in friends”.

Wowww!
I’m shocked! That is absolutely not okay even in the slightest. And I agree with the other a huge red flag, I think a talk should be in order. Basically dismissing your family is just awful!

A better way of dealing with this is to have an even amount of guest for each of you. That is how we are doing ours.

Family should always be a priority over friends and coworkers. i can understand him wanting to invite more friends if he has a small family but if it's not in the budget, friends get cut, not family.

View Quoted Comment Oh hon, I hate that. You shouldn’t be “paying for you portion” which is what it sounds like you’re doing. You need to talk finances ASAP. What is the plan once you’re married? You’re a unit and in my opinion everything should be combined. There are no “his” guests and “my” guests. They are all “ours” we are a team and we spend OUR money appropriately. If I had to pay for my side and him his, we would not be having a wedding. My fiancé makes easily 5x what I make. It’s about working as a team not paying for your “share”

please talk with him, the issues warrant some serious discussion

View Quoted Comment So his parents are pressuring you to do this? I thought you said he said all that? And that he's telling you to kick people off of the guest list? And you're each paying for your half of the wedding? Plus he's having a bachelor party and bringing female friends he won't introduce you to? Did I get all that right? These are some major red flags. You really need to look at this relationship. I advise you to go to couple's counseling before you get married.

I'm confused - why does he get to invite more people than you? Why are his loved ones (his friends) more important than your loved ones (your family)? He sounds so incredibly selfish for already having more invites than you, and then insisting YOU cut down your already small invite list? And prioritizing friends he doesn't speak to over your own close family....I can't even wrap my mind around it, to be honest. This man does not sound kind or caring to you whatsoever. I really hate to say that but that's how serious you should be taking this situation. It's not about the guest list, it's about much deeper issues here.

His parents are not pressuring us, it is more they think since his twin sister did her wedding the way my fiancé wants to do the wedding now, that is the way we should do it.

Out of curiosity, does he not have family? If not, that might be why he feels need to invite acquaintances for that "acceptance/validation" feeling.
If that's the case, invite who you want and let it be. Make him worry about everything that's frustrating, once he realizes how ridiculous it seems, he should at least apologize.
BUT unless this is the norm for him to put his needs and wants above yours, I wouldn't get into a huge fight over it. It's extra, unnecessary money, but who wants to start a marriage fighting over money? It'll be paid one way or the other.

Ugh! So I apparently signed in under the fiance's email instead. 🤦🏼‍♀️ sorry, that's not a guy taking his side

View Quoted Comment I read your post then went to find the female bachelor party thing.
Sarah, I'm the other half of Adam and as a female that has lots of guy friends (some of who were cut off for the following reasons when I met my FH).. if he didn't introduce you there are 3 options: he likes her, he was with her or he's still with her.

I'd do some major investigating before putting any money out for any of the guests.

Trust your gut, if it seems off and he's not taking your feelings into consideration, it's not ok.

If you decide you are ok with what you find out, girl be happy, but you should have met those female friends if it were legit. (Even if she's a lesbian)
Best of luck and hope it's a simple misunderstanding.

It’s not just his wedding nor is it just yours
it’s YOURS you and him. Family first bottom line.!!

We argued about it at first, because he was trying to pick and choose which of his nephews to invite. I didn't think it was fair to invite one or two and not all. I ended up winning that one.

Seems a little unreasonable. Determine what's affordable. Split allocation down the middle, after you invite your must haves, if you have remaining unused allowance allow him to utilize that for the additional he has.

View Quoted Comment A wedding is not the time for catch up. You literally have no time for it. We had about 110 guests at our wedding. We had a mix of our friends, families, and parents friends. I was able to spend about 10 minutes total with my close friends during the wedding. You two will literally be pulled in every direction by everyone. He won't have the chance to catch up. Also, I don't know what your per person cost is, but ask him if he is really comfortable spending $100+ on a plate for someone he hasn't seen in years and probably won't see again for another extended period of time. The wedding is a time to spend with your nearest and dearest. Whether it's family or friends doesn't matter, but what matters is that these are people who are important to you. We instituted the 1 year rule. If neither of us had seen, spoken to, messaged, interacted with the person in any way, they didn't make the cut.

He needs to invite less people that’s not family!

My fiancé has a smaller family with lots of friends and coworkers that he is very close to. I’m the opposite with a very large family and only a handful of really good friends. At first we butted heads, but we were able to figure it out. We decided it was important to have those that are part of our future and not just people that are part of our past. It helped narrow down the list to those who really were there for us and that we really wanted at our wedding

I would never think of cutting my family over friends. If he is okay with cutting out your family how is that going to affect your relationship with him and your family.

I would choose family over longtime friends that I haven't seen in years. Family to me is important! I have cut friends off the list that I really haven't seen in a long time to have family I see monthly.