Guest list

This is called B-listing, and it's considered rude. It's also impractical because RSVPs should be due about a month prior to the event. This wouldn't give a B-listed person enough time to get the invitation and respond prior to you needing the final headcount. Every bride struggles with the guest list due to things like venue capacity or budget. You don't need to invite every single coworker or family member. If you haven't talked to Uncle Bill in 6 years, he doesn't need an invite. Start by culling people who you haven't talked to regularly in the last year or 2 and see if that cuts anyone out.

View Quoted Comment Thanks, that’s what I was thinking!

No. You either cut the guest list or find a larger venue. What you are describing is B listing and extremely rude. People are not stupid and know they are 2nd and 3rd choices and be offended but they will never tell you.


You make a guest list of vips only. Never obligatory invites because you attended their wedding or to please parents. You find a venue with a larger capacity than your guest list so everyone can fit comfortably.
Do not invite coworkers unless you socialize with them regularly outside of work. Not everyone is close to all of their relatives either.

Many people on these forums do not recommend B listing, since guests who find out that they were on the B list can sometimes feel hurt. I would not invite more than the venue can hold. Most of time, you will have at least part of the guest list decline the invite, but you should be prepared for 100% to accept, since it can happen and it has happened before. If you invite more than the venue can hold, you risk having to turn people away at the door or uninvite them later on. I suggest going through your guest list and decide who you absolutely cannot imagine your day without, and invite only them! If there is no one that you feel you can remove from the guest list to get within the venue capacity limits, are you able to look for a new venue?

Also don't forget many venues are limited capacity for Covid so may not be able to hold their normal capacities.

Never invite more than the venue can hold. You never know, all of your guests might RSVP 'attending', which leaves you in a pickle.

Like Lisa mentioned, I also suggest going through your guest list. Make sure EVERYONE on there is a person that you cannot imagine your day without. Also think back to how long it's been since you and that person have last spoken and hung out. This helped me narrow down friends and family friends. If I haven't spoken to them within that year and they haven't attempted to contact me, then they're off the list. I started with immediate family then moved on to extended family, close friends, and family friends. My FH and I aren't inviting coworkers.

This is why you should never book a venue until after you've created by our guest list. Like others have said you don't have to invite every single person you know.

Not a time when running a few over is okay, though normally a few extra invites per hundred guests because of declines won't hurt. But people are right, people realize they are B listed, they are hurt or angry. Better to start by cutting anyone you have not seen in 2-3 years or more.

The only way you can “politely and safely” send B-list invites is if you only send them to people who have no ties to those originally invited (ie, you originally invite your local family, and b-list invite college friends from out of state who don’t know any of your family members), so that there is no way they could find out they were b-listed. You would also need to send out the first wave of invitations at least a month earlier than usual so that your B-listed guests have plenty of time to RSVP. If that’s not possible, then I would suggest just inviting the amount of guests your venue can hold.

We have big families, too, and would have way more people than we can afford if we invited everyone. I cut my family list down on my mom's side by just having my aunts, uncles, and the handful of cousins I grew up with. If I added all my other cousins and their families, my list would blow up with like 50+ more people 🙃 Try to focus on the people you wouldn't want to miss it rather than including everyone. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment That’s the problem, a lot of family didn’t even make the list. Also a lot of this list makes up of everyone’s kids 🤦🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment You could have an adult only wedding and use those kids’ seats on other people you really want to invite

Is it awkward that I’m realizing I must’ve been a B list guest at a wedding or two? Lol...I have definitely received an invite about one month from the wedding date, and noticed the RSVP date was like ...two days later. Honestly, these were for coworkers or new friends, and it didn’t bother me that much. I guess it wasn’t the most polite thing in the world but I still went to the wedding and had a good time. But I guess others may take offense if they catch on...

View Quoted Comment Personally, I wouldn’t care either. Let’s face it, weddings are super expensive! And there is always a limit on how many people can be invited; priority always going to family and closest of friends first. Just because you were B-listed doesn’t mean those people didn’t want you in attendance, it simply means they only had a limited amount of people they could invite. Were there no limit, you would have been invited in the first place! I think sometimes people are a little over dramatic or over sensitive to these sorts of things 🤷🏼‍♀️ I totally get the appeal of inviting people you really want at your wedding in the place of family members or closest friends who can’t make it. Why leave empty seats when there are people you genuinely care about and would like there? Plus, nearly all major bridal magazines and experts are now saying it is acceptable to have a b-list for invites, as long as you follow certain rules (ie, have 2 sets of invitations with 2 different rsvp deadlines, send out the first wave of invites early so that the people who get the later invitations have a normal time to rsvp by, send out the first wave of invites to family only- or also include friends with no ties to those you will be inviting later, etc.). A simple google search will produce a ton of “how to” articles on politely navigating a B-list. At the end of the day, it is your wedding and you should definitely do whatever is best for you and your fiancé.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I was thinking this also. Everyone I know knows I have a huge family (close family) and only a few friends from work would be coming including our close friends and counting everyone’s kids it came out to 180 I think I’m going to go with the 2 waves of invites and skip the save the dates and they can be mad if they want which I really think they’ll understand and just be glad to celebrate with us! Glad to hear a different answer than the rest!