Guest perspective--likes and dislikes?

Some rough guest experiences I have had that were oversights by the hosts:
1. Guests weren't told that the town didn't have uber or cabs and we all flew in. Brides' aunt and uncle ended up having to be a shuttle service for guests
2. Guests were seated based on who hosts thought it would be fun for them to meet, not who they knew. Most awkward 3 hour plated dinner of my life 3. Asked to wear black tie, only to end up in a PACKED gym. Had to ask people to stand if you wanted to go to the bathroom and shimmy through in your gown. 4. One bathroom for 150 people. Enough said

Food came in potluck style, so we didn't eat because we couldn't be sure about safety and cleanliness.

Food was a self-serve buffet and they didn't account for people at the beginning of the line taking huge amounts, so food ran out.

Reception was outside in Mississippi in August near a lake at dusk - so the mosquitos were *terrible.* It was hotter than blue blazes, and the only air conditioning was in the (single) bathrooms. They ran out of bottled water.

Failure to let guests know if they'll be on grass so they know what shoes are most appropriate.

Speeches that go on forever, or the couple has arranged for 25 people to make them.

Food that just isn't good.

Some of the guests in a different location (upstairs for example) during dinner.

Music too loud to talk to people at the table during dinner.

View Quoted Comment Yikes. I'm so glad I have never found myself at a self-catered wedding. Also I think outdoor weddings really can't happen in hot places in the summer. It makes guests miserable

View Quoted Comment

The self-catered was a real mess - most of the guests ended up blitzed

It can, you just have to have a place people can go that's air conditioned, where they can sit and be comfortable (so it needs to be an indoor-outdoor event).

One where they had gone for size and style over substance. There were lots of guests and everything very fancy, but the catering was just small passed hors d’oeuvers. That hadn’t been clear from the invitation and so we were expecting dinner. It didn’t help that the reception was outside on what turned out to be a wet, windy and cold day. It’s the only time I’ve had to stop off on the way home from a wedding to get something to eat and warm up!

Another, where a random relative of the groom decided to give a speech singing the grooms praises. He went on for aaaages, was extremely dull, and took away from what had been a really touching and thoughtful speech by the best man. The rest of that wedding was great, I think, but the thing that sticks in my memory is the boring uncle.

Overall as a guest, I’m happy when the basics are right - make sure people are comfortable, adequately fed and watered, and not left hanging around. To me those are things that shouldn’t be sacrificed in the name of being stylish/creative/unique etc.

Make sure you have plenty of food and drinks, no cash bars (guests should never open their wallets at a wedding/reception), make sure all events are held in comfortable temperatures (no one like to sweat through their nice clothes in scorching heat!). I agree with your example of not seating people with strangers. Your main goal as a hostess is ensuring your guests feel comfortable, and most people do not feel comfortable being forced to awkwardly make conversation with strangers for hours. There is plenty of time for guests to mingle freely during cocktail hour and after dinner. I think brides should mentally go through the entire day as a guest, starting from traveling there, all the way through traveling home. Thinking in that perspective has really helped me to identify areas where we could do something a certain way that would make guests experiences better/more comfortable/more fun. Little details I hadn’t thought of before.

I personally like when the event keeps moving and that was number one for me. I didn’t want our guests to feel “held hostage” 😂 plus several of our guests drove over 2 hours to be there, so wanted to ensure they could make it home at a reasonable hour. We started ceremony on time at 4pm, completed first dance, toasts, dinner and cut cake by 7:30. I was so pleased a lot of our guests said it went fast for them! Goal accomplished 👍 my personal pet peeves are slow moving timeline, no thank you cards for attending and bringing a gift, or being served dinner at 10pm. I agree with the previous post of loud music that I can’t hear myself think. Also I like when I can hear the vows clearly.
I must be getting old!!! 😂😂😂

Many of the best and safest weddings, and a couple of the most miserable, have been self catered. As with neighbors who are 6 daughters down, 2 to go, and other excellent ones: only a small group should be responsible for all food prep ( not pot luck) and most must have a lot of professional cooking or food service. You are eating in a fine restaurant minus the big bill. True with my relatives always, and a large number of others I have attended, all in country setting, whether agricultural country, or McMansions spread out in the country. From full menu, to food service right on time and fast, food hot or cold as it should be, working from a big clean kitchen.If you have cooked something for 100-300 people regularly in a restaurant or bakery or takeout, fine. If you never cooked for more than 35 at Thanksgiving or a party, don't try 100-150 at a wedding. No hiring a food truck that serves 20 every 15 minutes, for crowd or 120, and no other food. No groups where the two bringing dishes bring 10 chinette cardboard platters, each of which must carry 15 chicken breasts, and holds 3, so 3 people tie up their meal running grill to table to serve 2 people at a time, 100 times.
---------And bathrooms. I would rather have a wedding in the group area of a state campground, with 8 stalls and sinks in beautiful condition and cleanliness, than your lovely 1.5 acre lot with 2 bathrooms, and hear the host tell guys to help us out here and use the back bushy area for a quick whiz??? Stink on a hot day, and no sonks out in the bushes...Most of the big country venues I have been to in barns, even catered, bathrooms are not worthy of sheep. If on the other hand, the owners of your aunt Sophie run a small business on the property and keep 10 nice bathrooms for the help when needed, then call a caterer. Hate Food Trucks after being told Tux or at worst dressy suit. ... It used to be standard forr a couple and family, wp, to miss 30 minutes. For a decade most take 60 minutes for phots. 2 summers ago, 2 had receptionds 20 and 30 minutes away, and the couple and WP and family did not do them the courtesy of showing uo for 1-1.25 hour more. And they had eaten .Any time the important folks want a minute over 60 minutes for pictures, send everyone else home. The wedding is about the people there, not just pictures
Schedule half or more of pics before the ceremony. And there is usually a half hour or so after dinner for a few large groups. But no 1.5-2 hours when couple and WP are gone. So what if you have a long cocktails time. Get the folks done wth pics fast after the ceremony. And for a guest of WP, always seat them with the SO who brought them, not with strangers so WP sits by itself.

My biggest pet peeve for weddings is when the requested attire doesn't match the event. In my opinion, the worst is when the couple requests black tie attire for an outdoor wedding. That's the perfect way to ruin a ballgown and your fanciest heels, and have the men sweating through their tuxes. Living in Atlanta, my other main complaint is outdoor weddings in general during the heat of summer. In my opinion, anything over 90 degrees should not be outdoors (unless the attire is seriously casual). Even 85 degrees is pushing it. I also attended one wedding in a ballroom with a large balcony area, and half of the guests were seated on the main level and the other half on the balcony. I was one of those seated on the balcony area, and it was so awkward because we felt like we were separated from the main event. Those are my pet peeves, lol

As a guest, the most important:
1) Climate: not too hot or cold, bugs, etc
2) Good food & drinks3) A good flow: everything on time, no gaps, same venue or with 15 min drive

Be aware that anything on tv is 100% fake. Including the expectations/gripes.

Dislikes from past weddings:

1) Attended one wedding that was a disaster from start to finish

Invites sent 1 week before the wedding. No one except bride/groom, bridesmaid/groomsman were local. Stayed at the couple's new home over the weekend with no chance to be fed at any time. 8am Friday morning ceremony with no one told that they would not be allowed to witness it (LDS couple) until everyone arrived at the temple. Waited over an hour in waiting area and hardly anyone knew each other. No one allowed to stop for lunch before 6pm reception which was only dry cake and 7up. Bride was pissed off the whole time. Wanted family to be in charge of refreshments, yelled at people when they talked to couple and when they didn't dance to the homemade playlist. No thank you notes. Many refused to attend because it was reception only.

2) A vow renewal for a military couple called the actual wedding (most guests were bitter enough about being lied to) insisted on chair covers for standard white plastic folding chairs. The covers were elastic but they refused to stay in place.

3) Digital invites from Minted type site. Ended up being a formal wedding but almost no one showed up because they were waiting for paper invites.

4) Fake cake for photo op. Supposedly the baker had put a real slice in the foam for the couple to share but they never located it.

5) Being pressured to take part in bouquet/garter tosses

6) MCs who are rigid with the timeline and don't allow for natural flow

7) Guests expected to pay for their own dinner

Likes from past weddings:

1) Delicious grocery store half sheet cakes in 3 flavors. Cut in front of guests in birthday cake slices and could get as much as you wanted (multiple flavors, seconds, etc) and still plenty to take home. No one was offended by it being cut in front of them and it stayed fresh.

2) Excellent food from a restaurant drop off catering. Local Asian restaurant with a huge buffet spread and guests encouraged to take home leftovers. Everything was kept the appropriate temperature from buffet table to their seats even with over 200 people with no lags

3) A good dj who plays danceable music and keeps the MC duties to a minimum or none at all

4) Courteous well mannered couples

5) The wedding has a natural flow without an MC announcing each thing

6) No pressure to leave at a specific time

7) Guests free to mingle without loud music or pressure to dance

TL: DR The only things that guests remember and care about: Was the food good? Do they have to open wallets? Is the entertainment good? Is the couple proper gracious hosts? The rest is superficial.

I’d like to add that a DJ/dancing isn’t required. My favorite weddings as a guest had 40-50 guests in gorgeous intimate venues (a private estate, boutique resort or historic inn). The food, drinks, and socializing were plenty. All those events were filled with awesome guests and plenty of love.

Dislikes as a guest :


garter/bouquet toss
Being seated at a table where i only know 1 person
Wedding cake
Dried out wedding meals

Dislikes as a guest:

Bad food. Number one. Had a friend get married who, to this day, is like "I liked our food, it was exactly what I wanted." Good for you, but ten years later, the only thing your friends and family remember or say about your wedding is how terrible the food was.

Long ceremonies. I get that some religions require long ceremonies, but I have literally never once enjoyed sitting through them. Same with ceremonies that are lengthened by couples having a bunch of people do readings. They're tiresome and unnecessary. Get to the kiss and let's celebrate.

For me as a guest, a fun wedding is all about the open bar, good food, and a full dance floor! (Or at least a fun, mingling crowd, since I understand dancing isn’t for everyone). Some bad experiences that stand out to me from the weddings I attended:
1. The AC was broken for an indoor August wedding (not yet couples’ fault, it broke that day 😳)
2. The cocktail “hour” lasted over 2 hours because their wedding pictures ran over time3. Went to an out of town wedding where the scheduled gap between the ceremony and reception was four hours. 4. The bride and groom had a friend DJ, and he played esoteric “cool” music that wasn’t conducive to dancing, and then the groom complained about the empty dance floor

I honestly use that show 4 weddings as a guide and where there were complaints I made adjustments to my own wedding. For instance my wedding is now outside, on the show it opened my eyes to the issues of being outdoors so I invested in bug sprays, sunscreen and program fans. I’m even considering bottled water to cook and hydrate though I’m hoping June 4 is not too hot. But the show is a god send in the fact that it opens my eyes to the guests experience and I love planning for a great experience for guests in terms of comfort and fun

I was reminded because of a mention of the gap -

Not a fan of having to drive from the ceremony location to the reception location. Honest opinion here. I know that won't be a popular one, but that's how I feel. I was especially annoyed at one when the reception space was 40 minutes from the ceremony venue. I have no problem driving 40 minutes to a venue if that's where the entire wedding is taking place, but this was too much.

The only thing worth noting that I have really disliked at a wedding is no bar/cash bar. Especially if your wedding is even somewhat formal or traditional.

I've seen a lot of weddings that were kind of train wrecks because they didn't have a DOC, but that wasn't really my place to care or judge --

I think the bar and good food are the main things I care for!

Likes:

- no gap (it's not necessary, the point of cocktail hour is literally to take pictures during that time.

- no cash bars (you definitely do not need any type of alcohol, etc, but whatever you choose to provide should be on you, your guests should not open their wallets)

- comfortable climate (anything below 65 or above 75 is too extreme to be outside)

- a timeline that keeps moving

- fun music from all genres (including slow songs!!!)

dislikes:

- outdoor wedding (bugs, heat, rain, humidity....I've never been to one that was pleasant)

- too many speeches or speeches to long....1 minute per person max and no more than 3 people

- dinner that lasts too long or takes too long to be served

- long gaps between ceremony, cocktails, reception

It also depends on what everyone prefers though. for instance i find food the important aspect and my bff's food at her wedding was not good haha. so if the food is not good then i definitely do not enjoy myself