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the Grooms
Master May 2018

Guests adding kids to rsvp

the Grooms, on April 9, 2018 at 3:15 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34

Why are my guests adding their kids to the RSVP? Its common knowledge that only the names on the invite are invited, right? Two of my FH college friends have cancelled their RSVP because we told them they couldn't add their kids, which is fine because we expected some not to be able to come because of the no kid policy. One of them already got us a gift, should we return it to them? We already sent a Thank You card too. What would you do in this situation?

34 Comments

Latest activity by Anna, on April 10, 2018 at 6:14 PM
  • Tracy
    Dedicated June 2018
    Tracy ·
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    I've had the exact same problem for my rehearsal dinner. For some reason when you address it to ___ & __ Smith. They think that means The Smith family of 6! I had my FH text them and tell them its adults only.

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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    You need not do anything more. When you read these threads over and over again, about guests adding other guests (children or others), it is obvious that a lot of people did not receive any education in basic etiquette.

    It's a good reminder for those of us who plan to have children, to make sure we educate them in that area.

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  • Natalie
    Devoted September 2018
    Natalie ·
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    I would say go ahead and keep the gift unless they cause a stink. You did thank them.

    It should be common knowledge, but unfortunately too many people don't use their brain! Haha.

    In addition to addressing our invites to include only those invited, we are including a line on the RSVP with a written number...similar to below, they will need to indicate how may are attending and I will write in the number invited.

    _____ of 2 will be attending.
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  • M
    Super August 2018
    Marta ·
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    I’m with uou with common knowledge. But I’ve realized a lot of ppl don’t follow. I would do nothing. I would keep the gift unless they asked for it
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  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    Be prepared for when people simply cross out 2 and change it to 5.

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  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
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    Should be common knowledge, but unfortunately common sense isn't so common anymore, lol. We plan on addressing our envelopes based on who we're inviting... i.e., "The Smith Family" or "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe" as well as doing something like: "___ of 2 will be attending" on our actual invites - just so people get the hint.

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  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·
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    If they already gave you the gift keep it. It's not your fault they can't read an invite that didn't have their kids names on them. With my family I expected my cousins to bring their kids since they are around my sons age but we left the kids off the invites in hopes they wouldn't come as it's a destination wedding and extra bodies is extra $$$. My son will be bummed but we are happy most have taken the hint that we don't want too many kids there.

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  • Natalie
    Devoted September 2018
    Natalie ·
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    Haha, yeah, I'm sure it will happen! Then I start making calls!!
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  • the Grooms
    Master May 2018
    the Grooms ·
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    It just irks me because FH wants to accommodate them and I'm being the stern one, lol.

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  • AmandaJHGV
    Devoted October 2017
    AmandaJHGV ·
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    Remind your FH that saying yes to THESE uninvited kids is equivalent to saying yes to ALL uninvited kids. If you let these folks bring their kids and then say no to some other couple who wants to bring their kids, it's going to turn ugly when the second couple sees that the first couple's kids are at the wedding.

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  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
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    The whole envelop thing does not seem to be common knowledge anymore. I post on another message board pretty frequently that is certainly more diverse than this one, not exclusively people getting married and I would say 50% thought if it didn't say adults only they thought kids were allowed.


    I will say ___ seats reserved in your honor worked for us, except for one guest who wanted to bring her kid instead of her husband LOL

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  • Mrs. Fall Bride
    Master October 2016
    Mrs. Fall Bride ·
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    F that, keep the gift.

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  • Future Mrs M
    Super June 2018
    Future Mrs M ·
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    Nahhhh. Keep the gift and tell them they will be missed. Esp if this is something everyone knew before. Assuming you can bring your children is rude.

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  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
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    I went through this with my first wedding, one would think people would learn. But no, I fully expect people to bring their neighbors, their moms and dads, their SIX children.......

    Yikes - we feel ya - get ready to make some calls and to say "We are sorry you feel that way, we can catch up after the wedding."

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  • M
    Devoted December 2018
    MissDec1 ·
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    My aunt wants to bring her daughter instead of her hubs!! We are a no kids except for bridal party and immediate family members. She also tried to push her daughter on us to be flower girl.... how did you handle this???
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  • A
    Devoted May 2018
    Anna ·
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    Did you give any indication that it was adults only? if so, i’d keep the gift- if not i’d return it. it depends on how old the kids are & if travel is involved imo
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  • L
    Savvy September 2018
    Les ·
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    This! We're doing a no-kids wedding, and I know that I'll get really anxious and annoyed with people who don't know basic RSVP etiquette, and write in their kids, so we're actually paying our planner to be the RSVP explainer/follow-upper. I'll still get anxious about it because I know how I am, but at least I'll have a pro to deal with it and remove some of the stress!

    But agreed, you can't tell people "sorry can't bring your kids" then make an exception for other people's kids....

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  • The Nuptials
    VIP July 2018
    The Nuptials ·
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    The answer is no. She will need to RSVP yes for herself only or send her regrets.
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  • Lindsey
    VIP June 2018
    Lindsey ·
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    90% of my fh brazilian guests added their kids, we had to tell them that we are not having hids

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  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
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    I sent her a text saying hey it's adults only we weren't able to accommodate kids. If you can't find a sitter I totally understand. Please let me know by X date if you are coming, I will be turning my #s in the next morning

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