Guests costs for Destination Wedding?

I feel if you're friends love and care for you they would make it, but I'll be honest, if I was invited to your wedding, I don't know if my fiance and I could afford $450 a night at a resort, and take time off work. Like, don't get me wrong, I am all for having the time of my life at a beautiful resort in Cancun, but that's a big investment.

I would just be honest. I think the best thing to do is tell them the policy and be upfront about it. if you don't tell them they may not know or understand why you may be stressing them staying in a particular hotel. I would prefer if a bride just told me the truth and said look we need to have 90% of our guests at this hotel, would you mind staying here? Many times as well, if you are staying at one hotel, they may charge guests to come in for the "day pass" to be there. I'm not sure if that is how your hotel works, but I have seen it with a lot of other hotels. Guests may pay more that way and then in the end it wasn't worth staying somewhere else. The whole point in guests taking the trip is to see you and your fiance get married, the mini-vacation is kind of a bonus.

They can also change how much time they spend there. If they want to save money, they can go for fewer days. If too many back out or want to stay elsewhere, have a backup list of other people you might want to invite. That's my advice! Hope it helps!

Destination weddings are often cheaper for the couple getting married only by passing expenses on to guests. That is really the only thing you need to consider. What you spent previously on their weddings is irrelevant (you could have had a wedding at home and invited them to participate without extra parties and costs).

I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't have a destination wedding, but just be realistic and honest about why you are doing it and what it is costing your guests. Be up front and clear about their expenses and then graciously accept whatever decisions they make (to attend or not, to stay at the resort or not, to make your wedding a vacation for them or to only come for the wedding itself, etc.).

The whole “if they want to be there, they’ll figure it out” thing is so ridiculous. There’s plenty of things that I want to do, that doesn’t mean that I can afford to do all of them. We don’t know your guests or their financial situations, but it’s more than likely that at least a few people won’t be able to make it. That’s the reality that you accept when you decide to have a destination wedding and put such a big expense on your guests. I don’t think there’s any way for you to tell people that you “need” them to stay at a certain resort.

The economy is tanked right now. Many people are having financial issues. If they can afford to take off work to go to your DW, they may not be able to afford that big of an expense for the resort. You can invite people, but you can't dictate where they stay unless you are paying for their accommodations.

Please don't try to guilt your friends into attending and staying at place they can't afford. It's really not fair to them.

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Hi Theresa,

I appreciate your perspective on this. I was actually laid off as a result of the pandemic and my FH had already given notice at his job and is now also on the job market. We understand first hand the financial impacts that our current world could put upon people, and we are lucky to have savings put away that allows us to get through this time and still plan for this event next spring. We are only inviting our very best friends and we are not in any way trying to guilt them into a trip or trying to force them to spend money they may not have.

I hope you and your family are safe during this stressful time.

Alysha

We opted for a Destination wedding as well; our sleeping rooms are upwards of $300 per night (not all-inclusive) plus $40 per day resort fee. We knew this was a lot to ask for. My FH's family is all well-off (we're basically the poor ones of the group...LOL). As we extended our guest list beyond just immediate family, I forewarned those (save the dates) invited that Yes, it is costly. While we would love them there, we completely understand if they opt out. We also advised them that our Venue has 3 other sister hotels which are considerably less expensive. Additionally, we've noted that no gifts are necessary, if anyone chooses to come, their attendance is their wedding gift to us.

Do you have to have a room block? are there other options to make it less costly?

I agree with all pp's (especially regarding NOT believing the fallacy of "if they love you, they'll be there) and would only add that especially now, when significant numbers of people are losing jobs and experiencing significant personal/career/financial turmoil, AND when travel is so unpredictable, if I were planning a DW, I'd try to be very prepared for it potentially becoming a destination elopement. I don't mean to be rude, but I think it is a stretch to expect people to spend time & money on leisure travel right now. Maybe they will, but I think there is a good chance they might not.

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I'm sorry to hear you and FH both lost your jobs. This is such an awful situation for everyone. So, yes, I'm sure you will be sensitive to your friends' situations, as well. It was hard for me to tell from your OP whether or not you were looking for a way to "force" guests to stay at the resort. Thanks for clarifying that that's not the case.

As others have said, I would just explain why you want them to stay there, and see how it goes.

Good luck to you and FH, and congrats to you both!

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100% agree with this.

I think that is a lot to expect your guests to pay. While it would be nice of them to stay at the resort, you can't force them to stay somewhere they might not be able to afford. Our wedding was held at a hotel and we still had guests choose to stay elsewhere or go back home. Your guests have to decide what is affordable for them. I agree with others about the if they love us they will figure it out. No amount of love pays their bills so while they might love you that's not going to cover the costs of attending your wedding. In addition to the room, they have to pay for meals, flights, and a gift. I know our friends and family wouldn't have been happy if we choose to have a destination wedding especially my mother-in-law who thinks destination weddings are selfish.

I think this is one of the "you won't know until you try" situations where you can't guess their budget - you have to talk to them and see what they say, or invite them and see how they RSVP. But I would definitely keep an open mind and never, ever fall for the idea of "if they love me, they'll be there." Like others have said, this ideology isn't fair at all and can ruin friendships.

I wouldn't stress too much about it, especially if the friends have enough notice. If you realize a lot of your friends/family can't make it, maybe change your mind and have a bridal shower in your town so they can celebrate with you? Every friend group is different. I think a nice thing to do would be to make a complimentary block at a cheaper hotel or at least give them options for cheaper hotels nearby too.

Why do 90% of your guests have to stay at the resort? Are they subsidizing the cost of your wedding?

View Quoted Comment All of this.

Hope for the best and see what happens.

I lost my job, my husband took a large pay cut to keep his (and we were grateful he has it) and our daughter is starting college this fall. Unless it was a sibling or best friend we would have to pass. These are not normal times unfortunately.

I hope everything works out well for you.

I don't know where you are, or where friends are travelling from. From here, rock bottom fares for spring flight to Cancun would be 750 each round trip, with $150 each way to the airport. After seeing 1050 as travel plus taxi to resort from airport, each, over $1800 cheapest as a couple , and that not including a tip, or taxes, or the extra coffee or snack, Adding 450+ a night per couple? since getting to airport and flying eould take a whole day, arrive late, stay 4 nights 4 days, 6 days would be a weeks wages each because not working . Without buying so much as a pack of gum, or paying a tip, close to $4000 , and a full week lost wages, for each, because we bill for hours we work, there is no paycheck for time off, a not uncommon thing. A minimum $7000 out of our pocket , any drinks or food or sightseeing all beyond that. For a friend's wedding. To a place neither of us want to go to. That would be no go at half that price.
So I won't bother figuring 6 days 24 hour childcare. Just $2 for a nice card wishing you the best. Yes, it is a myth that " if they want to be there, they will. " Why don't people planning things see that it is not just dollars per night hotel or resort fee. Whether someone is using up a week's vacation time, or collecting no pay at all not working, you are beyond the day or day and a half most people will give for a friend's wedding. Next year, declining some weddings we have already received save the dates for, we already will be attending 6. Hubby in 2, me in one, and so far doing 4 showers, all with one cohostess. We may get a few more invitations, and also if 3 of this summer and fall's plans are postponed, add those . But so far, 3 nephews, two nieces, one friend. traveling up to 4 hours by car, and 1 overnight max, for any of them. All, added up, including clothes, expenses for throwing and attending showers and bachelor or bachelorettes, , and about $300 gifts per couple, will cost us less that this Cancun destination trip. That's the thing. You are concerned only with your budget for your wedding. But if guests have several other weddings in a year, a few baby gifts, a few graduations, why would yours merit more money, and half as many days, as all the rest combined? Much as I might want to be at your wedding, I would decline. I would never say, don't do your destination wedding, if that is what you want most. And a local wedding for 20, then a honeymoon yourselves to Cancun, seems to be a better choice for everyone else, but it is your wedding, your priorities are different. So I would say, do it, but without me. And unless your other friends are far better off than we are, or at a stage when they have no other weddings, babies born, or graduations in a whole year, to share the budget with, a few or several will decline. They want to see you marry, but won't.

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Judith,

I've obviously priced it out for my friends and it would cost about $1,000 per person for 3 nights, 4 days, (MAX) which is $2,000 a couple and that includes avg. airfare, airport transport, the room, all meals, and drinks (because it's a true all-inclusive resort). I'm not in charge of what they choose to tip or eat at the airport for a trip that they've chosen to be on.

I also apologize because I don't know your financial situation, and I'm not going to air out mine or my friend's, but please trust me when I say none of them are going to be personally financially impacted by their choice to take trip...it's just not as cheap some other resort that's 30 minutes away.

You've all helped me see the solution here. I'm actually going to go talk to those friends that I am inviting to my wedding because they are supportive and positive, and I feel like everyone here thinks I've personally affronted them by making a decision different from theirs.

This should be a space where we spread love and positivity, and support for other brides and realize that our personal experiences are never the same as the next person's. Yet we're all the same in that we are just trying to have the wedding of our dreams even though that dream takes different forms for each individual.

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I don't know, but it is stated in the contract with the venue. My understanding is that it's fairly common for weddings at all-inclusive. It's just harder to achieve with a smaller guest list.

View Quoted Comment This is why I started by saying I did not know where your guests were coming from. I would obviously look at it as a bigger investment because your friends must be traveling a much shorter distance, to have such low airfare. And maybe they are all on salary, and would take paid time off. No such thing when uou work for yourself and only bill hours worked. And people with small families, tend not to have 6-8 wedding invitations and multiple babies born even in the busiest year. And that is my point. I read people post all the time, If they want to be there, they will. And I want to point out that two people making decent money, after taxes, malpractice insurance for one, business costs and taxes, just over $100 K net looks like we should be able to attend such things. But reality and 5 children and a farm, we have had to turn down, I remember 7, DW in five years . Because the total loss of income, travel from a far from airport location, and vacation like lodgings and food and such, has to come out of the same limited discretionary income as 5-10 other important things . And for one wedding to take all of or half of our gift/ present/ special occasion money for the year, just does not work. I do not think you are wrong to have a DW. It is what you want. But I think people who do them need to graciously see where those who decline are coming from. It is not true, that if someone wants to come, they will.
Not if tge costs if time and money are to high. But I don't resent not being at a wedding. Disappointed. But we did what we wanted. You do yours. Just don't let anyo e say, well if you wanted it bad enough,...you would find a way. You know your friends. But before paying any money, ask every person . If is such a small group. If they all can, terrific. If only 5 can, rethink it. I jave a family member who has a household income twice ours. No children, no child support. Who cannot take vacations because the money is always already spent. From the outside, big income, house, vacation home, speedboats, 1 month ski condo timeshare, toys and clothes. They look fine to friends who wonder all the time, why they can't do this or that. But what is left, empty wallets. Looks are deceiving. Ask people. We had a destination wedding half way between our families. But called every close family or friend before booking . And found, there was a 30mike away area where several owned summer homes, room for family,, multigenerations used the homes. No lodgings to pay. All niw withing driving or train distance. And looked in that area and moved venues, chose a different but similar Inn, swapped one week to get to a holiday not observed by all. And got 99% attendance. Not 50% because of cost or date conflict., if we had kept previous Location and date. We checked out 102 individuals or couples, for 200 including us. If you do that, and can consider what friends say, I hope you can get full attendance and have your dream.