Guests paying for their plates

This is extremely rude. Have the wedding you can afford. I would immediately decline an invite to a wedding where I was expected to pay for my own food. If you were having people over for a dinner party, would you ask them to help pay for the ingredients?

As a rule of thumb, guests are supposed to give you a gift that is about equivalent to the price of their plate. So you can probably expect to end up getting a lot of money back through gifts. But do NOT ask for it.

Please don't do this, it's rude and tacky. Your guests should not have to come out of pocket for the reception you are hosting. There are other ways to reduce costs, including just cutting your guest list - which is what you seem to want to do anyway.

I’ve never heard of that! I think it comes across as inconsiderate. We all know how expensive weddings are, but how much you can and are willing to spend should dictate the type of wedding you’re having. If you can’t or don’t want to pay for a guest’s plate, don’t invite them and limit the guest list. I think this will put people off in a big way. It will have the desired effect of cutting down who is coming because most people will probably refuse, even if you really want them there.

Rude, rude, rude. I would not attend this wedding.

View Quoted Comment My thoughts exactly!

I would RSVP no and I would not send you a gift. And I would question how you were raised, if we’re honest.

That being said, there are so many great options to have a gorgeous wedding AND stay within budget. Host a Friday night wedding with a later start time 7pm or later (bonus for working people) and do a cake and champagne reception with wine, simple hors d’oeuvres, gourmet cheeses, etc.
Or have a brunch reception where breakfast style foods are much more cost friendly. And everyone loves mimosas!

I wouldn't neve expect people to do that just was thinking about it

Honestly, I don't think it's quite as rude as some people are saying, but absolutely don't do it just so people will decline. Cut down on guests, which will save money and also cut out those you don't really want there

If it is something you're thinking about, ask for it in lieu of gifts like "all we want on our special day is to be surrounded by our friends and family. If you feel like you have to give a gift, a small amount to help cover the costs would be greatly appreciated". Some couples are doing this by having wishing wells or options to chip in for certain expenses instead of gifts or a registry.

My cousin had a wishing well for her wedding, and people gave as much or as little as they felt appropriate, which helped them financially for the day, and meant they didn't end up with a bunch of presents they wouldn't have use for.

I know money is a bit of a touchy subject for some people, but as long as it's worded tactfully I think it's more than appropriate to ask for help instead of gifts. I'd much rather chip in for a friend's wedding than find out they were struggling financially because of the expectations of others.

Best of luck! Xx

View Quoted Comment I truly find it very rude, selfish and entitled-behavior, when someone wants to have their cake and eat it too. Which this is what this question is giving. If you want some big event, where people are celebrating YOU, but you cannot afford it, you should NOT be having the event. Too many desire the attention from an event so much, and are so desperate to have “their flashy day,” that they become horribly selfish in the process, and will do anything to make it happen, without thinking of the guests and what they are capable of, WHEN the host isn’t even capable of affording it themselves.. Yet, refuse to budge, and/or just figure they’ll dump most of the expenses on the guests, because appearing more upscale and avoiding going out of their own means even more… becomes main priority now, come crunch time. To me, that’s thinking people owe you something, that they most certainly do not. Especially in this economy, which affects your guests just as much as you, unless you’re doing the same tactic at home as you are here, and someone else is paying your bills. The excuse is always, “it’s my day!” Yeah well, is your day worth it when everybody is calling you tacky in the end?